Daughter's hoarding help!

[mrshoho]

Our house is small with limited storage. I battle constantly to keep on top of the clutter and recycle/chuck out regularly. I have got pretty good at not buying clothes/stuff in excess. It's the thought of where it will go that makes me think carefully from buying.
But here's the but.. our 20 year old daughter has so much stuff and I'm after advice on how to help her to let so much of it go. I used to stealthily sift through her things until she got to about 13 and then gave her privacy and ownership of her room and belongings. Omg we have just cleared her room as it's going to be decorated. The amount of stuff she has accumulated is wild. She never looks at any of it and rarely sits in her room. She is autistic and currently the room is still very child like but she says she wants a calm grown up retreat. She has said she feels her lego sets could be donated which is great. Her book collection is vast she had 2 billy bookcases full. There won't be room for these as she's going from a high sleeper to a normal bed. The books have all gone in our loft room for now. As well as the books she seems to have so many souveneirs and school, guides, memorabilia. Any ideas gratefully received.

Could you get her watching Sort Your Life Out on BBC? I always find that very motivating for decluttering!

With DS I found it very hard to get him to get rid of anything until he made that decision about wanting a calmer space. For him it was staying in a B&B for a couple of nights in a very sparse but comfortable room. I gave him some thinking time then over about two weeks in the summer holidays we went through his room item by item looking at each thing, talking about memories associated with it if he wanted to, then letting him decide whether to keep, donate, or bin. The occasional reminder that he wanted that calm space was enough to keep him on track, I don't know whether it would work for your DD. The reward was a trip to Dunelm to pick out a new rug, bedding, and lampshade in his choice of colours which turned out to be greys and whites.

We bought some large clear storage boxes with locking lids for things like his Beano collection so he can still get to them but they don't end up in piles all over the floor.

With memorabilia might she consider photographing, donating, then having the photos either on a drive she can see or physical photos in albums? They'd still take up less space.

All the memory stuff, could be photographed and then printed off and put into one album.

the junk memorabilia itself could go in loft if she can’t agree to let it go

books - offer to get rid of all and promise a kindle for birthday or whatever

You've both done a great job to have got so far I think. Getting it all out was a big deal. She gets to curate what goes back in. Nothing goes in by default perhaps - only things she positively chooses?

You could suggest a container system where she has one box for memorabilia etc. My autistic DD struggles with stuff and I don't mind some stuff going into the loft "for now" before getting rid, but it needs to be curated into the loft storage if that makes sense - only things she selects as worthy, not entirely bookshelves.

Limit horizontal surfaces if that is practical. We have IKEA picture shelves so things can be displayed, but clutter doesn't gather.

Consider having an "allowed dumping ground" eg one chair that is allowed to get as messy as she likes, but she tries to just limit the mess to that site.

For physical memorabilia could she keeps one shoebox per year, or one section in a concertina file? The biggest thing that helped us was that if you can't remember you own something without props, AND then very quickly put your hand on it, you might as well not own it.

Thank you all for your brilliant suggestions and for understanding the need to tread carefully. I like the idea of photographing items for prosperity. And an allowed dumping ground, I have this myself and it's manageable like you say if it's contained to one area.

It was a massive job getting it all out and has been bagged and boxed and now either in the loft or in different rooms around the house. I do hope when it's ready she will want a new fresh start and I agree with the theory that if you can't remember owning something it's pointless keeping it! With her it's the thought of throwing something away that upsets her so as long as she knows it's all currently up there in the loft she's ok even though she doesnt remember what is there! She was quite overwhelmed seeing the sheer amount that came out and I'm glad she helped to bag and cart it all out. I'm sure I could just chuck most of it out (the memorabilia) and she'd not even miss it but would it be better for her in the long term? I want her to see that unless she ends up living in a mansion she will have to keep some control of it.

I'm wondering if you could create sort of mood board or online makeover thing based on photos of the room! There must be AI that removes it and adds paint and features. If she can visualise it without all the junk she might be happier to get rid of it.

I'm sure there are apps that do such a thing.

Also watching Marie Kondo is quite inspiring. I always like that.

And I am a feng shui obsessed person who believes that clutter prevents new opportunities coming into our lives. This book about it is good and might inspire her if she's in anyway into that stuff
https://www.awesomebooks.com/book/9780749918248/clear-your-clutter-with-feng-shui/used?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwhMq-BhCFARIsAGvo0Kc-8cAW67O1U0AQhrmkEr5bKBnYPUVst3TwYX8pwX1d-gfpb3jutjsaAi4pEALw_wcB

Also could you start to plan her new room by offering to buy paint and nice furniture on the basis that she must get rid of other stuff? Each bin bag she gets rid of gives some budget towards her new room? Ok it is bribery but it might help.

I'm struggling to see owning two Billy bookcases full of books as 'hoarding', but my suggestion would just be to buy her some opaque doors from IKEA to put on the front of them - instant minimalist space/no more visual clutter, and she can keep the books.

With the photographing of ‘important’ memorabilia - do you think she would like making up a photo book to be printed of all those items?

Where they are small photos you can have quite a number in a page. She could lay them out in a way that makes sense to her, with a descriptive paragraph or so about each category.

That way she has a nice, tangible object that holds all her childhood memories that she can revisit, and in a way that helps her feel empowered by the process of getting rid of the physical items.

I'm loving all the suggestions, thank you all.

Here is the room now clear. The desk, bookcases and bed will be going. The walls and ceiling plastered. Sockets moved and new ones put in. The wardrobes will be refreshed. One of these was an airing cupboard many years ago so will be redone with shelving. She also had a malm chest of drawers under the bed (that was full of stuff rather than clothes lol) that is going. Once the bed goes in there won't be room for any of this furniture. She's going to have 2 shelves going across the chimney breast and a bedside table of some sort so only a fraction of the books she has will go back. They are also downstairs now filling our living room shelves as she buys each month! She does seem up for going through them so I'm hopeful alot will go.

Here is also a picture of what we got up in the lift. 🙈🙉🙊. This is actually my Son's gaming room as he only has a tiny boxroom. He's away at uni thankfully so we have this space and his room to use.

We were looking at getting a plain single ottoman bed that looks more grown up but this morning she asked about this one. I'm not sure that's going for the grown up room she dreams of though? She's quite petite but how sturdy are these beds?

A couple more pics

Yes 💖. 20 years old but in many ways still 14. She's at uni studying English and commuting.

Would she sell on Vinted? People buy all sorts on there, books, games etc.

I think she possibly might (if I do it all for her lol). She goes to a weekly art group that may take the lego if she can let it go. I'm sure a school would be happy with some of the books. I haven't even mentioned the plushies 🙈 Lol. These she says are non negotiable.

Just to say I didn't report the post. I don't mind being asked as I appreciate how her ND is relevant here.

@BestZebbie that is a really good shout if the books are all narrower than the shelves. The idea of bookshelves is lovely but doors really do help with the feel.

OP my autistic teen moved from a mid sleeper to a small double bed at 15. It was a leap for him but he is so much more comfortable now in the "normal" bed. It's like it's extended the floorspace - the room feels twice the size because it's like one big accessible space, instead of chopped up bits. An adult in a mid sleeper can sit up fine, but they are ducking when getting in and out. I would push her towards a normal height bed if you can. I think a normal height bed functions really well as a "lounging space" - much better than a reduced height sleeping space with a reduced height space underneath, once they outgrow dens. And with the ottoman bed it would really be no compromise on the storage.

Plushies are fine - big net on the wall.

could you get a double or 3/4 ottoman bed? it is amazing how much you can store under it, and it will feel more grown up for her than a single

Yes definitely will look at a small double. Does anyone have recommendations for a good ottoman that's easy to lift up. I know some people have been disappointed with theirs. If we get one I'd like her to be able to use it easily. Thanks