How do you motivate yourself to do the dazily chores and how do you do big clear-outs with children around?

[Countingthegreyhairs]

I don't need help with routines just with motivating myself to stick to them. (An adaptation of flylady works well for me when I can stick to it - but I get too easily demotivated.)

Do you have to really force yourself yourself to do the housekeeping chores or does it come naturally to you?

If the former, what incentives do you give yourself to get the housekeeping chores done, day after day? With me, it's all or nothing and I want to break this habit and motivate myself to use my time more evenly and effectively.

Also, I need to do some huge de-cluttering exercises in various rooms in the house. How do you do this when you have children around? (I mean clearing out dirty dusty roof type jobs - ones you have to wear all-in-one overalls for - not projects you can plug away at for an hour a day.)

All of my friends think that my house is always clean and tidy, if only they knew the truth. I spend hours cleaning before anybody comes to visit. Any other time I panic when the doorbell rings!

Mine isn't looking its best today would take me an hour or 2 max if i got off my backside....... dp is out, dd2 is in bed dd1 has gone out with my dad for a bit so I should NOT be sat here!

I'll do a deal with you though Countingthegreyhairs I'll do 30mins then come back here for an update on how much we have done? Have a cuppa then do another half an hour? ( i usually find once i've made a start it's much easier to get it done)

I have times of the day when I tidy and the times in between I just don't stress, I always try to make sure the place is reasonable before we leave the house so I don't walk in to a bombsite when I get home otherwise it really pulls my mood down usually because i've been out, been busy and just want to have a cuppa and sit down for 5 mins but if the place is a mess i feel i have to sort that before i can sit down!

I'm watching this thread with interest, hoping to pick up some tips too! I hate housework, am currently sitting in a tip. Just toys lying about the living room mind, but the rest of the house...urgh!

I was quite mortified yesterday when my best mate came over a bit early, I wasn't ready so she went into the living room to wait for me, and when I came downstairs, she was tidying it!

Very nice of her but she is very pregnant at the minute...maybe nesting!

EsmeWeatherwax - I'm going to hang some washing out and clean the bathroom fancy joining me? We can do 2 jobs report back then another 2 and so on?

(I'm really in need of a kick up the backside today!)

My dh works full-time and is studying evenings. In between, he helps me feed, bathe, dress and get ds to bed.

I motivate myself mainly by thinking, that otherwise all I would do all day is sit around playing with ds and reading crappy novels, and somehow that just doesn't seem fair.

I find that I am more productive if I start first thing in the morning, after I get back from the school run. If I procrastinate eg have a cuppa and a quick check on mn I never seem to get going. You are right, once you get started it is amazing how much you can get done in a short space of time.

I only get motivated by pretending it's a job and I do it as though it's somebody else's house!

Thanks for starting this thread-it is such a breath of fresh air to realise that I am not alone in my resentment/lack of motivation reagrding housework. I will post later when I have something useful to add-and when I've cleaned the bathroom!

I think the real problem is if you don't enjoy it then the difficulty is getting yourself motivated. I find great satisfaction in housework because it is one of the very few things in life where i think you can get immediate good results from relatively little effort.

but over the years I've made a real effort to get organised and throw stuff out - basically you can't keep a place tidy if you have got no where to put stuff, so unless you've got good systems in place it will all go to pot pretty quickly.

so i think you've got to bite the bullet and tackle the big jobs like the heaving cupboard so that there is room to tidy things into, if you know what i mean.

then it should just be a relatively simple job of chucking things where they should go, giving surfaces a wipe etc. I think the idea of giving yourself a time to tidy up with a 'reward' to follow is a great one.

I think there is a definite link between feeling happier and calmer if your living environment is clean and tidy so that should be a good motivator. I get less stressed because I have a pretty good idea where everything is.

Spring clean and de-clutter ruthlessly once a year.

The rest of the time invite people round to galvanise yourself into action beforehand.

But, don't go overboard, my children would rather have a mother who's in a good mood because she's been guzzling coffee and a detective story, than one who's cranky because she's been scrubbing floors.

Podcasts. I like craft podcasts (Creativemom, Cast on, Craftsanity) and geeky podcasts (Battlestar Galactica, Lost), but I think that there are so many podcasts available that there must be something for everybody. Its like listening to the radio, but you can choose something that really interests you. This doesn't really help when you have children around, but if you have a spare hour to get stuck into a big job or a boring job (tidying the cupboard under the stairs, tidying up after children have gone to bed), I find listening to a podcast is like going on mumsnet, but you can do other things at the same time. Now if only there was an intereactive mumsnet podcast, my life would be transformed.

I am one of those crazy broads that loves cleaning to the point that after a big, weekly clean, I actually sit back and admire my work. Don?t sit on the couch; you?ll ruffle those fluffed cushions.

Anyhow? although I don?t have children right yet and I know that makes a difference, I have instilled a pretty good routine. Plus, I work from home and find I will procrastinate work to do cleaning. As soon as I get up, I make the bed. Then I put the kettle on and do the dishes. While coffee is brewing, I grab my EcoVer spray, spray a some on a cloth and go through the living room, not worrying about figurines and stuff, just flat surfaces, tv, door handles. All this takes about from start to finish, 15 min. Way better than a big clean weekly/bi-weekly. I always do dishes right after meals as well. You have immediate energy and you can truly relax without that nagging feeling of dishes that need to done. Plus it?s great for digestion and your body starts to burn calories. When I work, I have to vacuum and mop everyday because I?m a sculptor and although work in the kitchen, I manage to track it stuff all over the floor. The bathroom usually gets done during a commercial break everyday? just a quick wipe down like the living room. Once a week, the ?big? clean doesn?t take more than 30min.

I?ll let you know after bambino?s if this regime is still functional.

chefswife... just wait. It is a whole other world.

It is good to know others struggle. It surprises me just how much I struggle about this sometimes. But as said below - a happy mummy in a messy house - I'd have one of those any day.

RE : your question about whether it comes naturally or if you have to force yourself.

I definitely fall into your category of perfectionist/procrastinator.

I have really been forcing myself to do things recently and some of it is finally coming naturally but it has taken a while, maybe even months !

For eg. tonight as soon as the kids were in bed, I was tempted to slump down on here for a while and THEN get on with the "jobs".

Instead, I gritted my teeth (and held my nose!) and went to put the nappies in the wash, then again forced myself to go and brush my teeth and take my make-up off, close the blinds etc.

It all sounds like easy stuff, but if I hadn't done it straight away, I would have had it all to do at 10.30pm (hour ahead here) and it would have been overwhelming and it would have been 10X worse.

Am hoping this will all come naturally soon

I've had just a day as suggested. Got loads done but interspersed with "treats" like a cuppa & a few pages of a nice book in the sunshine after putting out the washing! (or MN!!)

I can do loads of ironing for example if there's a good film on or someone comes for a coffee so I can natter & do stuff then I don't feel guilty!! I save favourite/ DVD's to put on when I have a pile of ironing,or washing to sort. I even take piles of veggies in to the sitting -room sometimes & have a bowl for peelings & a saucepan next to me on the floo & get the veggies done while watching a film!!

ALso I do think breaking things down into "bite-size" chunks is therapeutic. Then at the end of a day you can say well I've done this & this & this, rather than be depressed at what you HAVEN'T done!!

That's on the FLOOR of course.....

I have zero motivation to clean and tidy. Absolutely none. I have to force myself off the sofa to do things and only because the place is in such a state that I HAVE to do something.

Ah yes? nothing like a good ironing session and an old movie.

Really interesting post. Glad it's not just me. I have always been messy myself (another perfectionist/procrastinator), getting really untidy and then having a "project" tidy. I have ds (3) to tidy up after too. I hoard. And I'm now separated so the tidying and cleaning up after two messy people is down to messy, unmotivated me!

Needless to say, we live in a tip most of the time with not just ds's stuff strewn around the place, but mine too.

I don't have that little-and-often thing going on; that mindfulness to tidy. It simply doesn't occur to me, in the moment of dumping a bag in the hall/papers on the table/dirty dishes on the worktop to deal with them there and then. They build up, and then I notice and think, "Oh bugger."

I also find that kids fragment the cleaning/tidying process: my mind would be all set to do it just so, and then mid-process, I hear, "Muuuuum!" Tidy over. I don't dip in and out of tidying very easily: I think I'm a project, "in bursts" kind of person.

Maybe it does come down to one's brain working the tidy way or not.

It's funny/gutting how, when I've had a blitz, friends comment when they come over: "God, you're looking really tidy!" But I love going to other people's messy houses: they usually feel relaxed and homely. Daft.

I have realised, though, how much I hate being messy and an unmotivated cleaner. I feel out of control, slovenly, ashamed of it - so reading a novel and drinking coffee on the sofa, mid-mess, doesn't make me a happy mummy. But tidying and cleaning seems unrelenting, when you do it properly, and then I'd feel guilty for not playing enough with DS.

It comes down to this: acceptance of self, complete with messiness; or learn to change the habits of a lifetime and be different. (Or find an obsessively clean and tidy new man ... ) Argh.

Watching this thread with interest. I do empathise, Countingthegreyhairs.

I?ve always thought it?s amazing how clean your house looks if your dishes are done. Specially seeing as how when people pop in for an unannounced coffee, 9x out of 10, you?ll sit in the kitchen. I grew up in a home where kids toys, en masse, stayed in your room. My mother was a bit obsessive. If she caught us with our hands on the walls or doorframes, all hell broke loose. Needless to say, she was very angry when she saw all the drawing I did behind my dresser

I think that?s called procrastination. like what I?m doijng right now. Laundry just finished and I?m farting around here.

Gosh! Just catching up with all these interesting posts having been away for half a day. Thanks for everyone's responses.

ditto MyDingaling! LOvemygirls - sorry I missed your deal - but v. happy to take up the challenge another time!!! Maybe we should initiate a regular "ready, steady clean & see you back in 45 mins thread"?!! I know they do that on the Fly threads but I get slightly intimidated by the long lists of tasks achieved by 9am!! I think what you say is wise - getting in to a cleaning routine at certain times of the day - say morning and evening and other ring-fenced times is really helpful. Then it becomes more automatic and its not so overwhelming. Agree - it's a total bummer coming back home to a bomb-site ..

I know the feeling Esme! PhD - mmm - something to ponder there - but if the considerable guilt I already feel hasn't motivated me so far, I think I may be a hopeless case ...

That's a good point - again - CoV - time can just fritter away so easily ... it's frightening ...

Solidarity Mylittlepudding, 2girls and Butterflygirl !!! (Hope your bathroom is now shining Butterflyg ...)

Spero you have hit the nail on the head. We don't have adequate storage here (renovating) and all the crappola simply gets moved from one room to the next ... .. and couldn't agree more about calm, tidy home = calm/relaxed mind ... hence my burgeoning worry lines and wiry white mane ...

Cat64 - thx - that's a great suggestion!! Particularly as you wouldn't be able to slide out of it if friends were making an effort to help you ... mmm... I think I'm going to try that one ...

great post mymblemummy

a genius suggestion Madame Platypus - thxs - I could listen to all the Radio 4 stuff I miss on a regular basis ...

chefswife - I know what you mean about not being able to truly relax amidst 'rubble' ... once children come along I think there is a definite equation between sheer determination to get things done v lack of sleep, post-partum mood/stress-levels, ability to multi-task. I was quite good in the early years, but things have got on top of me incrementally. Sounds as if you have a better attitude/handle on things!! What do you sculpt btw and in what medium???

Haven'tsleptfora year - your post makes so much sense. My anally tidy sister & bil have a rule that they don't sit down until the chores for the day have been done. It really works for them. If I'm honest, once I slump in front of computer/tv I know I'm doomed. As a fully paid up member of perfectionists/procrastinators anonymous - it's good to know there's hope ....more teeth-gritting from this end required I think ...

BossyBritches thanks - appreciated - think I'm getting a handle on this - regular bite-sized chunks of ring-fenced time interspersed with treats ...I did have success for a while listening to a language learning CD for 30 mins every day while ironing and felt very virtuous for having tackled two birds with one stone ...think I'll go back to that ... (I think I would fine films too distracting.) Taking your post a step further - perhaps a journal at the end of the day noting "tasks completed" could be a useful motivating tool too ...I certainly spring out of bed more happily if I've been productive the day before ... it's the rolling stone effect ...

Twoddle we are kindred spirits in the cleaning department!! Yr point about 'mindfulness' strikes a chord. I'm sick of the way I'm mis-managing things and have to change. Somehow if my "house/base/centre of things" is untidy/disorganised then the adverse effects creep in to every other area of my life: stress at work and with dd, social life, organising for trips away, it dampens spontenaity too ...got to get a grip on this...

Oh yes StarlightM my house was at it's tidiest when I was supposedly editing/re-writing very boring documents relating to pipe gas lines in Kazahstan ....Even my onions were organised in neat rows in the vegetable basket. There must be some way to harness the "should be doing something else effect" ... mmmmmm

Thanks all. I'm duly motivated!! Dh has taken dd off for 3 or 4 hours and I'm going to do some serious sorting ....please tell me to b*g off in no uncertain terms if you see me back on here before tomorrow

I use mannequins and PVC plumbing, melding the two elements to create sculptures that reflect a particular inspirational point. One I am working on right now has many legs (knee bent) and will be painted bright yellow, called ?Offenbach?s Nightmare? . He wrote the Cancan. Because I work in my kitchen, I must clean up after myself everyday because I hate to think that DH comes home after working 12 hours to a stinky, dusty mess. I am a very tidy person anyway, but we live quite minimally. No figurines and stuff? that?s just more stuff to dust. All my friends are making bets how my place will look after babies. I hope I am able to maintain without being crazy about it.

Did you say you were renovating? That can certainly make any attempt at housekeeping futile.