Complete state

[Mammajaz]

Single mum of three, 8 3, 4. I have never been great at tidying I keep the house fairly clean but am terrible when I comes to clutter. It's not quite a horders situation but every surface is full of random bits. I am ashamed, over tried to get better at keeping house. However I have a couple of long term health conditions that get in the way.

I try not to focus on it too much as it makes me so depressed and feeds into my feelings of inadequatsy and basically wanting to die.

I have few friends, another mum from the school my kids attend asked if they could come trick or treating with us. I said yes.

I will try my best to tidy up but the reality is it'll still be cluttered would she judge me for this. My back went two days ago so it's worse that usual although I have enlisted the kids to help me.

I've commited now but I understand most people pick up as they go and have beautiful homes. I don't really know what I'm asking now. Just feel shite

Honestly most of my friends have stuff all over the place. I know because we’ve got past the ‘must tidy up before anyone comes round’ phase of friendship. Don’t worry about that side of things too much.

I definitely am more stressed when there’s clutter around - if you can declutter then your house will feel bigger and calmer and honestly that has such a positive knock-on effect. Take an area/cupboard/surface per day/week/whatever works, and sort everything out.

I know you’re tired, but either do it tired, or don’t do it. Those are your choices at the moment 💐

It’s so nice to be able to open a cupboard and find something instantly, it will be worth it.

Single parent, 3 young children, that is a lot.

I have a list of how to reset the house for visitors in 2 hours, which I always default to when things get bad. I find it really helps to have a system I just work through automatically. If it takes longer than 2 hours then fine, it's just a guide.

It's not particularly novel but in case it helps you too I take a laundry basket, supermarket bag for life and bin bag. Everything that's out of place in the room I put away, everything that needs to go in another room put in the basket, rubbish and recycling into the bags (emptying bins as I go). Go through your public rooms clearing with these. Have a break and then go back through with the basket, putting things away into the correct rooms. The rest of it is just a list really of dusting living room, wash pots or stack dishwasher and wipe down kitchen surfaces, clean bathroom, and finally floors. Nothing magical but my list has timings against each thing which are pretty realistic so using a timer helps me too.

If you need to dump piles into supermarket bags and store in a cupboard or car boot, so be it. Just try to go through them within a week or so. Good luck. I'm sure your friend just wants to see you and will only be relieved if it's not a show home!

How did Halloween go?

I went into a new potential friend’s house recently straight from school run for coffee and there was stuff everywhere. Rubbish on the floor, every surface and chairs covered with stuff. These were my main takeaways:

1. She invited me when she knew I was having a hard time, without waiting for her house to be clean and tidy. How lovely was that?
2. She made me a lovely coffee and we had a really good chat.
3. She is prioritising other things over cleaning and tidying. Her kids are fed, get to play, do craft, etc. She’s a single parent and can’t do everything.

All of that said, I totally get why you’re stressed about it. I like my house to be clean and uncluttered, but it’s like that a tiny fraction of the time, and I’m not a single parent. It was NEVER clean or tidy when my kids were younger.

Have you seen/watched/read any of KC Davis’s content? Her book, “How to keep house while drowning,” is incredibly helpful. For a start, it made me realise that I’m absolutely not alone and helped drain off the shame of not being able to keep up with the house (or looking after myself). She did a fantastic TED talk, too.

I hope you’re feeling a bit better this week. 🌻

Gosh go easy on yourself op. You're a single mum to three tiddlers. That's a lot! When my 3 were young the house was always untidy, that's life! It's not a show house, it's a home. I focused on the essentials such as dishes, laundry and good food. I always no matter what cleaned the kitchen at night to give me a good start in the mornings. I would clean the bathroom when the kids were in the bath so it was never a massive job. I used folding laundry baskets to declutter a room fast if I needed to clean the floor or had visitors due.
If you want some help/motivation, check out Dana K White on SM. She has a brilliant podcast called A Slob Comes Clean that you may find helpful. She has a brilliant method for decluttering without causing more mess.
I hope you enjoyed Halloween with your friend and DC. I doubt your friend would care if she also has young dc, it goes with the territory!