Overwhelmed with cluttered, unloved, dirty (ish) home

[Lostand44]

As the title says really … Life has been very busy, health within the household has been up and down for a year (nothing major on my part, more DH however I think my mental health has declined over this time, I’m just tired and unmotivated at the moment).

Our home is now at the point that it completely overwhelms me. I made some progress over the course of the summer but it’s back to the way it was now - if not worse! Simple things like keeping on top of the washing and dishes is sometimes too much! I’m ashamed of my home!

What I need I think, is to wake up in the morning with a plan of how to tackle it in small chunks. I would post photographs of each room so you can see what I need help with but it’s embarrassing 😳.

House has: living room, kitchen, hallway, bathroom and 3 bedrooms. It should not be hard to keep clean and tidy! I think the thing is that it’s just got lots of ‘stuff’ in it! Things are broken/tired/need decorating but at the moment I can’t even use my dining table as it is covered in stuff.

3 adults at home but I will be doing the work (I prefer it that way, 1 is ill, the other works very long hours). I have around 3 hours a day to spend on the house (very little money at the moment so would rather tackle the issues than just buy more storage to shove everything into!)

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how I can do this? I’d love my house to be a home again for Christmas!

I am doing something similar. First piece of advice I got was don’t buy storage as you just keep stuff.

I set a timer at 45 session & tackle an area. Be really tough on what you want to keep. If it is broken chuck, unused chuck or donate. Decorating cannot begin until you have a clean and tidy house and that is your end goal.

you have to keep in mind what you want - a tidy clutter free home or the item you have in your hand. I found that helps.

Declutter is the first step.

I did the bin & charity box/bag method. Went communal room by communal room, one room a day. Kids rooms I did with the kid on the spot. Then told other household members they have until weekend to go through the charity and bin stuff and pull out anything they wanted. The first weekend, to the garage or shed it went (because I have a house of ADHD procrastinators). Same with the kids stuff in case of a change of heart. So period of take backs, of at least a week. Then to the charity shops and tip I went.

After that, I would assess my storage options. Do I need a cabinet or bigger book case? Can I store some things in the garage (I keep winter coats in big very useful totes for example). I’d then go room by room and get right storage solution and do a big old top to bottom clean.

During this process, I’d just do basic cleaning of bathrooms, kitchen, Hoover the bits of floor visible. As each room is finished, the basic cleaning expands to maintenance of finished rooms too.

If the ill person has the stamina they can be set small jobs like go through the paper files, old Christmas cards, nibble away at it.

You can do it! The decluttering threads here are ace. Do a few easy items a day and you will soon see a big difference. Once decluttered you need to organise.

The Marie Kondo tip of bringing together all the same kind of thing together before decluttering is really important. Then you can see what you actually have, and figure out what sized storage areas you need.

if you want people to actually put stuff away, it needs a proper place, ideally with a label. You shouldn’t overfill storage, I realised things need white space around them to be quick to put away.

If they are stacked together, you’ll need to do 4 or 5 movements to tidy up, which means it will get left beside the cupboard. The goal of decluttering is to have less stuff and to have it very easily reachable, that it takes just one movement like opening a cupboard door and setting it inside.

I’m so untidy naturally, btw!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/5088374-decluttering-and-organising-thread-8-its-nearly-summer

These are super kind accountability threads ❤️

There are lots of people to follow on facebook and Instagram I use The Organised Mum Method and A Slob Comes Clean. Just have a look around and find someone you can relate too.

I would do your bedroom first , clean and declutter within an inch of its life!

Go through all your drawers, keep only the clothes you wear. Bag up the rest to donate or throw if not worthy of donation.

Wash all the bedding.

Vacuum floors.

By doing your bedroom first you will feel the motivation after a long day and when you wake in the morning.

Good luck, you can do this !

Like the minimal mom on your tube. Makes me want to clear some space and get rid of stuff. The secret is less stuff and routines.

I always find the bathroom the absolute easiest to get started. once you've got a flow going the rest is much easier. Once you've done a bit, be sure to chuck a minimum of one or two things a day. Keep a list and ensure you add something each day, write it down to keep you accountable. you will be amazed at how quickly you can get going even if you're just doing one or two things a day - some days you will do more, some just a tiny bit - but it all counts and so much less pressure.

Do 15 mins in each room.

First set a timer for a 5 minute Flylady 'Room Rescue' where you sort the biggest eyesores of mess in 5 mins. E.g Hang up coats and bags, pair shoes, put dirty clothes in the hamper and dirty dishes in dishwasher or into a sink of hot soapy water. Chuck out newspapers, old post, manky fruit, food packaging etc. I promise you, you will be amazed how much better a room looks after just 5 minutes. This trick totally changed my feeling of overwhelm at having a messy house.

When the timer goes off, reset it for another 10 mins and do a very quick clean of the visible bits. Vacuum, sweep or mop what you can see of the floor. Wipe surfaces, polish mirrors/taps, empty bins, plump up cushions, straighten rugs/towels etc.

Do this in each room. I do the kitchen-diner every day, twice a day, the living room, hallway and bathroom every other day, bedroom once a week. It keeps the house in reasonable order.

Flylady's declutter technique is good too. Get a bin bag and chuck out 27 things. Doesn't matter if they are big or small, just throw away 27 things. If you run out of things to get rid of, then put 27 things in a box for charity and put the box in the car boot so it is there to drop off when you next pass a charity shop.

When I got overwhelmed I focused on clearing the kitchen table every night so it would always be ready to use in the morning. (We'd clear it after each meal but papers and objects would get dumped on it during the day) I suggest you pick something like that to start with and get into a habit of clearing it every day. I now have an A4 box which I put any paperwork in and deal with it once a week (Thursday morning for me and husband to do it together). While you can make things better with systems and decluttering, let go of judging or berating yourself. Just do what you can and don't exhaust yourself.

In addition to my previous post, I think 3 hours a day is a lot if you are currently finding it hard to stack the dishwasher and put some washing through. Decluttering can be exhausting so maybe start with 10-15 minutes most days. I find a good way to get motivated is to ask myself how long can I easily do this for then set a timer. Often it's only 5-10 minutes but that overcomes the overwhelm and I can often carry on once I'm doing it. Hope that makes sense!

A Slob Comes Clean. It is the best for when you are totally overwhelmed and when you are naturally untidy and fall out of habits (I really am!!!).

She is great, I started by listening to her podcast from the very beginning, she tends to repeat herself but honestly her tactics are so good and make total sense to me. I also have her ebook.

Some of her tactics
A/ dishwasher every night without fail (or washing up)
B/ empty dishwasher first thing in morning without fail
C/ use the visibility rule - tidy stuff that is the most obvious to you or visitors. Not a huge declutter of drawers, cupboards etc until you are less overwhelmed. The visibility rule will have an instant result and give you a boost.

She also had some excellent decluttering strategies, such as when decluttering DO NOT get everything out of a drawer or cupboard. Work on one item at a time, and deal immediately with that one item even if it's a pencil. Then if you get interrupted you have still made progress. Also don't buy more storage. She has great cleaning schedule advice, it really really works for me.

Also she says constantly that it's an ongoing process, she will never get on top of it, and she forgives herself.

Thank you all so much for your lovely replies! I was a bit nervous that people would just say I’m lazy or give advice like ‘just get on with it and tidy up’ (I’m way past that, I wouldn’t even know where to start).

I’m honestly so grateful for your kindness and advice!

Amazingly, my bedroom is the better room in the house, in that it is fairly tidy and organised! So I do have a sanctuary of sorts but I tend to just sleep in there and don’t use it for anything else.

I like the advice of just doing a few minutes in each room each day rather than spending a few hours in a room (leaving the other rooms to get messier!)

Today I’m going to begin by tackling what should be non negotiables - dishes and rubbish out. Then start surface tidying the downstairs (where we spend most of our time and which is the messiest!) using the timer method.

I’m feeling very optimistic that I can do this by chipping away at it a little at a time.

I think you’d resonate with Dana K White of A Slob Comes Clean. Pop on her podcast to listen while you’re tidying - I’d recommend starting at the beginning and listen to her slob story.

My dd has gone to university and dh is working away for 4 weeks so I’ve been doing one room at a time
I started with dd’s room moved all the furniture and gave everywhere a thorough clean and got rid of loads of old make up and bits of paper and sorted her wardrobe and drawers out
I have just finished my dining room which I started on Sunday got rid of a lot of stuff and sorted all the paperwork I’ve accumulated over the years and put all that I need to keep all in one box so I know where it all is.I have also cleaned out the under stairs cupboard and sorted a few pairs of shoes and a couple of handbags to put on Vinted
Next on the list is the kitchen going to start that tomorrow

For the laundry and dishes, get into good habits - do the washing up straight after every meal without fail, and do one load of laundry every day - just one load, but make sure it is washed, hung up to dry and folded/put away (or put away yesterday's load if it needed to be hung up to dry overnight). That will prevent it all building up and becoming overwhelming, freeing up some headspace for you to tackle your other tasks

That sounds like a good plan.

Another thing I do is create a focal point. Once a room is reasonably tidy after a 5 minute timed rescue, stand in the doorway and check where your eyes naturally look. Make that area appealing. If it's the kitchen table, put a vase of flowers or bowl of fruit there. If it's a bookcase, dust it and neaten the books and add one or two interesting objects. If it's a sofa, plump up the cushions and add a cosy throw. If it's a side table, put your nicest lamp on it and your favourite photo of DC, framed. Etc. That way, it's like a reward for having done 5 mins tidying, every time you do it - a little focal point to please the eye.

I would start with the dining room table. Take your three hours tomorrow and tackle it. Make piles, but be ruthless, when it comes to paperwork, we hardly need anything anymore as so much is online. Have a pile to throw out and a pile to keep.

After it’s clear give it a good polish. You can then use the space to sort other things.

Years ago I would keep stuff in case it came in handy, especially clothes. I would think ‘These knee high pink boots would be great for fancy dress.’ But if we really need anything nowadays you can just buy it online and get it to your door within a day or 2, so my philosophy is to chuck it.

If anything is broken, chuck it out, you’ll never fix it.

I get over whelmed with ironing. When it's too much I put it away in drawers and iron as I wear or as I WFH and it's now coat season just wear it unironed and wash it and hope to iron it next time.
Declutter, get rid of excess crockery, bedding, and towels any books that have been read and won't be again.

Go through your clothes and get rid of anything, old, stained, misshapen - I have a habit of keeping suitable stuff for bed instead of chucking it like a stained t-shirt etc. anything that doesn't fit and you are waiting to slim down into, get rid of it's not likely to be in fashion or no longer your type.

Stick music on and do one room to one set of music, but a Flexi bucket. Everything that doesn't belong jn the room goes in the Flexi bucket. Rooms is tidied, dusted and hoovered - deposit stuff to correct room. Start again with new room.

Start "Don't put it down, put it away", if you touch something it has to go back to it's place.

Mn is going to hate me for this, but my downfall was holding onto stuff with any value (that I no longer wanted) as it was good enough to be sold on eBay or given to charity. Except I just WOULDNT. So I had furniture pile up, outgrown toys/books, bags upon bags upon BAGS of clothes. In the end I snapped and just bloody binned the lot. If there’s shite piled all over your house, then it’s not getting used and therefore not important. Once all the shite is gone you’ll be able to clean. I may be underestimating the amount of clutter you have, but I’d be surprised if it takes you more than 3 hours to put away the things you actually need. The rest can go. I did the same to a friends house (boarderline hoarder) when she phoned me at 7am in a crisis, she had a tenancy inspection that day and her house was in such a state that she was frozen in fear and unable to even make a start. Luckily she has a garage nearby, I flew over and within about an hour and a half I’d removed 22 bin liners full of whatever I considered to be junk and put them in the garage as she wouldn’t chuck anything. Funnily enough this was just before last Xmas, and she hasn’t needed or removed a single thing from one of those bin bags I’d thrown in her garage. Be brutal op

No advice @Lostand44, but I feel you! I feel like over the last 3 years we've lurched from one crisis to another (nothing particularly awful, just stressful if you see what I mean) and it's left us with almost no capability to get on top of things.
I'm very much an all or nothing person, so in the past, bigger clear outs have been the way forward, but clearly, I need to adopt a more consistent tidying/decluttering habit (and I think I'm actually the messiest in the house!) We just seem to have SOOOOOO much STUFF!!!!! I lurk in the fly lady threads, and sometimes post... they are helpful for keeping me in the right mindset if not encouraging me to do a little, when I can. I'm off to check out that decluttering one too now!

I am in this place too.

No idea how to link to YouTube, but if you look at Clutterbug's "30-Day Declutter Challenge" it might be helpful for inspiration and providing a framework for areas to tackle on a day-to-day basis.

Each video is super short and focuses on a different area of the home for each day for a month.

Just to throw another bit of advice into the pot - do your kitchen first. Focus on keeping the sink clean.

Look up Flylady online for routines with a clean and clear sink as the cornerstone of new habits.