Help me!

[Helpmefixit]

My house is a complete mess! I have ADHD and Autism, my DH also has ADHD and we’re struggling to get control of things. It’s really making me feel depressed and ashamed.

This may be quite long but I’d really appreciate some advice.

It’s not extreme, like crazy hoarding or extremely dirty. But it is very cluttered and most places need a good, deep clean.

I also have a dog, a breed that casts a lot so any advice on keeping on top of this plus dog smell (I know this can happen) would be helpful.

We have 2 school age kids. We tend to only keep on top of the very basic stuff, like changing bedding, dishes, washing clothes and cleaning the toilet. Other things don’t happen anywhere near as much as they should.

Main issues being

Piles of clothes everywhere

A lot of dust built up on some surfaces

General clutter on surfaces

Carpets in need of a good clean, planning to get new ones in a couple of months

Piles of things like letters, books etc. Cupboards in the kitchen overflowing with too many mugs, glasses. Things shoved in drawers.

Bedrooms are a cluttered mess.

Old toys shoved in bags in cupboards.

Just lots of piles of stuff everywhere and areas that haven’t been cleaned properly in months. I’m starting to feel like I need to avoid my kids because I’m so embarrassed and ashamed.

What I’m mainly looking for is advice on how to start tacking this and recommended cleaning products/gadgets. Especially for carpets, dusting and there is a small amount of mould around the edge of the bath. Also, just general recommendations. I’m planning to start tacking this over the next few days and the weekend so please help!

I’d also like tips on how to make things a bit more ‘homely’. I feel like our living room isn’t the cosiest.

Thank you.

Come join us on the Fledgeling threads in the Housekeeping forum if you like. It's a loose and customisable version of FlyLady. I've found it very useful in building routines and getting (and keeping) on top of things. Don't be put off by FlyLady's website, which I initially found overwhelming, I recommend to just hang out on the thread and you'll slowly get the idea of it all.

Make a checklist and jump right in, maybe start with. You are busy but maybe try for 15 to 30 minutes per day on top of the basics you are already doing.

• pick up and put clothes away (day 1, 2, 3, then maintain).
• do five minutes dealing with paper clutter eg letters (every day until getting be, then maintain)
• consider a purchasing a feather duster and do five minutes dusting each day.

That’s a great start, then try and add in a hoover etc…

Flylady as PP has said or The Organised Mum Method, including the guided cleans might help you. If your DH is on board too, she lit it between you. Best of luck.

I lived like that for years, clothe mountains everywhere, every surface had stuff on it because it never had a real home because the places they should be were jammed full already. So the whole house became a mess because there was so much to clear away before any cleaning could be done that no cleaning really got done

Its taken me 2 years ( not at it 365 days lol ) to declutter the house and give everything still in here a home and now house work. - actual cleaning is a doddle,

I started small and kept it manageable. So a small bookcase, every book and bit of junk removed, the book case washed and polished, cobwebs and dust behind removed and then I took stock of the books. Had I read it? Did I really want to re- read? Was it of any sentimental value to me? If I had read it, didnt want to re read, held no sentimental value - off to the charity shop. Then all the junk that shouldnt have been on there, same sort of process, did I really need this? if I did it went to the room it was supposed to be housed in, if I didnt, bin or charity shop. So in the space of about an hour I had one clean organised book case and because it was clean and tidy I kept it that way.

I worked through the whole house, one drawer, one shelf at a time. Some days I did more then others, some weeks I never did anything, but I got there eventually

The biggest job was the clothes. Both of us had wardrobes stuffed with clothes which is why nothing was put away. I was ruthless. Everything was pulled out, the wardrobe cleaned, then every item of clothing was looked at. Did it fit? Was it in good repair? Did I ever see myself wearing it? I got rid of 2/3rds of my wardrobe contents over a weekend. DH did the same. Yes it was hard and quite brutal but the truth was we didnt wear those clothes, we wore the ones sitting in piles everywhere. Then the same with the drawers - knickers, socks, bras - didnt fit, holes, tatty - all went. Then I learned how to fold what was left and I have now got drawers which fit everything and I can put away everything easily, its not a chore.

Now everything does have a home, a home thats not a surface so surfaces are easy tidied and dusted. The time I used to spend clearing clutter is now used to actually clean.

Now I have just a small basket of clothes waiting to be ironed at any time, just one small basket cos everything that doesnt need ironing is folded and put away as soon as its dry cos its easy

Bathroom takes 5 mins a day and about 20 mins each week to keep clean

Kitchen, again, 10 mins to clean work tops, wipe down cooker top, wipe the fronts of cupboards etc , sweep the floor. 30 mins once a week to do the floors, skirtings doors etc and maybe clean out one cupboard a week ( ie just give the insides a freshen up cos its already been cleaned and organised from the big de clutter )

Takes 10 mins to vaccum and tidy the sitting room and bedroom

I dont like housework, Im not a natural, but Im finding I like a tidy house. Its just so much calmer

Re the dog hair, Ive a pug, sheds just looking at him. And a cat. A good vaccum is a must and funiture needs vaccuming as well. If I dont have time for anything else, I still run the vaccum through the house most days

Take a look at Dana K White books - How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind and Decluttering at the Speed of Life - really helpful and methods work for ADHDers! Changed my life!

I'm here mainly for advice and solidarity myself, I'm no expert! But I think it's important not to jump too far down the rabbit hole and get overwhelmed by trying to do too much. Sometimes on these threads posts are written by people who have far more energy and focus than I have. Be realistic or you are setting yourself up to fail!

One thing I found really useful was the decluttering game. I like to do it backwards. Go now and find 30 things to throw away, say from the kitchen. It can be anything - out of date food, glass jars you've been meaning to put in the recycling, tupperware with missing lids, mugs you never use, out of date food. If you fancy doing more than 30 that's fine, but keep a tally. Then tomorrow try to find 29 things from another room. Receipts from a handbag, bits of paper in a pile. Keep going 28, 27 etc until you get down to 1. For me the release from the pressure of "finishing" and area, even a small one like a drawer, was really helpful. And once you're a week or two in, you find yourself with the resources to open the Drawer of Doom and pull a few things out because you have the headspace and there isn't the pressure to Finish It. If you just stick rigidly to 30+29+... it comes to something like 469, but I did some extras and kept going until I got to over 1000. It made a real difference. Running it backwards was important for me so I was capturing the initial motivation and breaking the back of it early on, rather than delaying the big stuff.

I would also do 15 mins together of clearing away surface clutter - putting clothes away etc. It's much easier when there are 2 of you. Chain it onto something you already do - we do it straight after dinner, if we have the energy.

Have plenty of cloths. Bought or just cut up T shirts. Don't waste time rinsing out the same one, reach for a clean one often and then stick them all in the wash at the end. Don't spend half your cleaning time re-rinsing the same cloth.

Also consider using those antibac cleaning wipes. I don't think they have to be an environmental disaster these days - Aldi do a big pack for £1 that are biodegradable.

With ADHD you are at risk of going in all guns blazing, emptying out all your cupboards and then getting completely overwhelmed!

What works for me is to have a routine of one room/area a day. Some weeks I just tidy up a bit, the ideal is to tidy, dust and vacuum that area (or clean it if bathrooms/kitchen). So today is living room for me. I’ll tidy anything that’s out of place, quickly vacuum the floor and if I still have energy I’ll dust. When I first started my house was as you describe, so I’d pick an area of the room and just do that. So it might be picking everything up off the floor, or clearing off a surface, or tidying a shelf, whatever was bugging me most. I kept expectations low so I’d challenge myself to do what I could in ten minutes whilst my cup of tea cooled enough to drink. Sometimes that was enough impetus to keep me going longer.

I’ve also trained myself to keep on top of things. So as I left my bedroom earlier I could see that there was stuff out on my bedside table, so I put the pen away in the drawer. Then I took ds’ toothbrush back to the bathroom and put the calpol back in the medicine box. Then I took the mug downstairs with me. Little things that take seconds but stop the clutter building.

On a very cluttered surface/cupboard etc I literally do one thing at a time, as I pick it up I decide where it needs to go and deal with it. Stops me emptying it all onto the floor and then wanting to cry because I’ve made it worse!

I also use fly lady very loosely to get around everywhere for a deeper clean/declutter

Start with clothes. One person at a time if necessary. Three piles:

1. clothes that are worn every week
2. clothes that are worn less often
3. clothes that are not worn, but will be in a next couple of months

Put everything else in black bags somewhere. If you can get rid of some, do. It's lovely to have only the clothes you wear in front of you when you go to get dressed. You'll have to repeat this, but gradually, you can get rid of what you don't need.

Every time you buy one, get rid of one.
Find a charity or clothes bank for what you don't need. Sell if you can't, but just donate otherwise.