How do you do it - teenagers keeping room tidy?

[Thatsmyname5]

I’m about losing it with my teenage children (14 and 13). Their rooms are always a mess - even after they’ve ‘tidied’ it earlier that day.
I’m so fed up of nagging them to bring their dirty washing down, put washing or other things away, pick up the rubbish etc. Luckily our no food upstairs rule is pretty solid so there’s not too many plates or cups - (crisp packets and empty juice bottles they’ve snuck from the kitchen, yes) but not too many dishes 😂
I’ve come up with an idea but really not sure if it’ll work. Just wondering if anyone has tried similar with some success 🙏🏻

What if… I just stop telling them to tidy up their rooms? I’d let them know if they bring their washing down in huge piles, I’ll get around to it when I can (or they can do their own laundry). I won’t be going around looking for next weeks school uniform or football kit. If their clothes are dirty, tough. If their bedrooms are smelly or full of rubbish, fine 🤷🏻‍♀️They’re the ones that have to sleep in it.

Do you think it’s a recipe for disaster?
Has anyone tried it and been pleasantly surprised?
Maybe my standards are too high and it’s perfectly normal for teenagers to have rooms like this.

I would be interested to hear others thoughts.

What I don’t understand though is that they’re far from unhygienic. They wash every day (sometimes twice a day for my eldest and I have to tell him to stop running the electric bill up with all the unnecessary showers). Daughter is forever doing her hair and makeup and my son takes great pride in some expensive designer/sports clothes. I just don’t get it.

How does it work in your home?

Thanks xx

Don't let it get too bad in the first place - it will overwhelm them.

Once a week, they put all the clothes away, remove all belongings from the floor and tidy away, change sheets, hoover. Things generally don't get toooo bad if it's only been a week. And even with the moaning and faffing, it takes 30 minutes.

We also have a no food upstairs rule and that really helps.

My dds each have a bin in their rooms for sharpenings, crisp packs etc. (I do need to remind them to empty them though!)

Also do they have enough storage for all their belongings? I found when dds had too much stuff/clothes it always looked a mess as she couldn't tidy away properly.

I do take away phones/ipad if they don't put away their washing. If I'm going to take the time to wash, hang up and fold it I expect them to take 5 mins to put it away properly not in a heap on the floor to be scooped up with dirty washing when I tell them to tidy up!

We have a housekeeper altho my 14 yr son is very tidy, bordering on OCD. His older sisters are another story.

If it’s not in the basket it doesn’t get washed at my place. Having said that mine are 17 & 15. At 13 I still would have grabbed the important things from their room like sports kit that I knew was needed.

Their rooms are pretty messy but I just shut the door. I occasionally go on a scouting expedition when we run out of glasses and usually come back with at least 6.

I know others won’t agree with me but I’m not fighting over tidying up bedrooms. There are plenty of other things to argue with teenagers about!

Reading with interest, as this is our current battle with the 14&13 year olds. We did realize that they didn't have enough storage so now we have put up shelves and bought them new wardrobes, which has made a big difference, but putting things away after they have been used and having a general sense of order is difficult. Our cleaner comes on a Wednesday, so now Tuesdays are spend tidying as I resent paying the cleaner to tidy, rather than to clean!
They are very reluctant to throw things out, which makes it harder...

If anyone has any hacks for 8&10 year olds (esp Lego related!) then I would love to hear!

We're newly into this territory so I'm not sure if this is helpful or not as it may not last.
We re-organised DC1's room and got rid of anything she no longer used or wanted (cuddly toys, random souvenirs). We then re-arranged her room so that there are clear places to store everything from uniform to homework to make up.
She really struggles to hang her school shirts up so I do those. Otherwise, she's on her own &'we don't mention the state of her room.
Fortunately, DC1 is massively into sport so needs her kit on a regular basis. She knows the wash goes on at 9pm each evening. As a compromise of dirty clothes having to be in the basket, dumped outside her room also counts. She also only has 7 pairs of pants & 4 bras. I could buy her more (or she could herself!) but they would just end up on the floor so I don't. Again, they have to be picked up & washed regularly as otherwise she simply runs out.
The cleaner knows not to go into her room unless it is tidy. If it isn't tidy, DC1 gets paid £5 if it is tidied by Sunday lunchtime. Yes, this means I'm double paying but, if the cleaner doesn't do DC1's room, the cleaner has time to do other things which I would otherwise have to do so it's worth it.
I encourage DC1 to have friends over fairly regularly and they usually hang out in her room so that's also an incentive to keep it tidy.

Mine all do their own laundry, although we all will put a load through if it is queuing next to the washing machine and we have a moment

Their bedrooms are not up to my personal standards, but they have to be picked up every second week when the cleaner comes through, which keeps them vaguely under control.

They have learned that if they dont hang their towels, they get manky and then they have to wash them.

I also have a no food or drinks in bedrooms rule, which helps with plates etc

Oh I'm with you in how frustrating it is.

We tried this with our 13 year old recently and it got absolutely disgusting in there. Then he was getting upset as he found it overwhelming, he wanted it better because he couldn't have a friend round but couldn't face doing it.

I don't know what's the right thing to do, but now I just pop in at night to say goodnight and pick a few bits up while I'm there. It feels enabling but I can't cope with the endless arguments/telling off/nagging cycle we were in and I definitely don't want it to go back to how it was.

I make him do his own laundry because he kept bringing me laundry I knew was clean and he'd been too lazy to put away. Now he has half as much washing and has to do it himself but again, I have to tell him constantly to do it.

The whole thing drives me mad.

I have given up and don't even bother anymore. We have a lot of problems with DS constantly arguing, I won't go into it but in the overall scheme of things having a messy bedroom felt very trivial. I stopped collecting laundry from him when he was yelling at me for not having training gear ready. Now I might say I'm putting on a dark wash or remind him to put a wash on himself. He rarely does but if the washing appears downstairs on the machine I don't mind doing it. I no longer put away his clothes, just leave a bundle on his bed and he does this. I might remind him to dust or vacuum but he ignores me if its been ages ill have to bargain, for example if he is going somewhere important i will say about 2 days in advance that i wont be drivinguntil the vacuuming is done. There have been moments when im sitting in the car refusing to drive while he frantically cleans, its the only way to make a point with him. I will wash bedsheets if he strips the bed and remakes it, or I'll help if he asks nicely. If he is rude I don't. At one point he slept with no sheets or duvet cover for a week out of stubbornness.

I do help occasionally with organising, in fairness he has ADHD and finds this type of task difficult but it we talk through a system or order of things he can follow it. Again if I get yelled at or cursed at I leave the room and he can live in the chaos for a while.

I was never tidy as a child (and am not much better now) but I do recognise that part of it was my parents fault. They are both sentimental hoarders so my sisters and I were never allowed to throw anything away because of memories my parents associated with it/the cost of it when it was new/that my younger sisters might want it when they were older. This meant my tiny room was stuffed with these things as well as the things I actually wanted and meant I didn't have room to out things away or make it tidy