Decluttering Thread 5 - Slowly Does It

[Pigtailsandall]

We filled the previous thread quickly! I'm still in the middle of my annual leave and working through my old sentimental items so I need to keep the momentum going! It's taking ages.

@incessantnamechanger
@EllieQ
@nordicmum
@IndianSummer78
@Realfastfoodie
@nordicmom
@CornedBeef451
@thingshavegottogo

@stealthninjamum
@pissedoffneighbour22

Sorry for anyone I missed! Hope you find us!

Some worthwhile outs today: bag to charity shop and item gone on Freecycle. One Freecycle no show but someone coming on Wednesday (hopefully). Had an interesting one on Facebook marketplace today, someone more or less accusing me of stealing the bike I have for sale. Apparently it's identical to the one their daughter had stolen! They didn't know what to say or think and wanted the address to come and get it! Err, no. Reported and blocked! I do hopefully have a buyer coming tomorrow

I managed to get rid of a small bag today in sainsburys oxfam donation bank. They were absolutely full and managed to squeeze my bag in. We went to asda earlier and they were full too. I wonder whether everybody is decluttering and why. Are we consuming alot or just fed up of what we have? Out went

1 x 2-3 year old tshirt faded and material worn out
1 x 2-3 year old leggings material became very thin and they looked like they would rip at the knees
1x 2-3 year old leggings faded and material worn out
2 x 0-3 months sleepsuits which were 'worn out' inside and outside and wear and tear.
1x 2-3 year old pyjama pants faded and worn out

I was keeping these until they were truly worn out but they kept bothering me. My partner isn't really one for decluttering and thinks I just bin stuff but that's not true. My kids have sensitive skin like me and can't wear clothes after the materials have wear and tear and it rubs against their skin causing a rash. He can wear bobbled clothes and his skin is fine.

I know everyone's hit by the cost of living and is trying to save money. I began to feel like a money waster and hence was holding onto these clothes so that dd3 could wear them in 2 years time. But if I don't feel comfortable with dd2 wearing them why would I feel comfortable dd3 wearing them.Honestly they were on their last legs. My DH is always like clothes can't always look new they're bound to have wear and tear. But I just can't and don't expect clothes to look new. So my decluttering is kind of a secret.

I think last week I managed to get my mum to declutter some things from her kitchen. A rusty grater, old battered rice drainer, battered saucepan lids etc. one fan was so old and dangerous....when they turned it on it was making such a loud noise...then a minute later all the plastic from the 'wings' or whatever u call them shattered all across the room and I screamed (my mum ran with baby to turn it off). Sometimes I guess it's better to let go of old things for safety rather than use them till their death. Both my parents are hoarders and I really need to keep an eye them. My mum went on holiday twice this year and even though she bought quite a few clothes before each holiday (one holiday in feb and another in august) she still bought 10 pairs on the first holiday and 17 pairs the second holiday because they were cheap. I wanted to scream so loudly and thought is she insane. I help her declutter and she fills it up again. I'm surrounded by hoarders unfortunately.

@heartbroken22 I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm a hoarder. We was talking in therapy and the question arose, when does it turn from clutter into a hoard? It's when it impacts others. It's selfish and I'm really sorry. Unfortunately enlightenment is rare amoung hoarders. So just keep your clarity. Don't buy into our BS. Just think in two years you could get out those leggings, wash them and rip them in the process after STORING them for years. Or you could buy a nice newer bundle for pounds on Vinted and have years use of that space. Also it makes room to keep nicer things. Your doing good

Everything will be landfill one day. You can't prevent anything from reaching it's end of life. Sooner or later it will happen. We aren't the gaurdians of landfill. It's still future landfill - just in the house.

I'm slightly cheesed off. I'm going down the dangerous wormhole of looking at the tiny detail rather than the bigger picture. It's a bad trait I have noticed in myself. The boys room was a right mess today. It gets so messy over summer. Annoyed with myself I didn't see it. I need to get back on team TOM. It's not the clutter, it was finding socks down the side of the bed, layers of underwear that they let slide down sides of the bed. However a big part of me thinks the older boy should know better than take socks off in bed.

My eldest is 19 and I have decided I'm not going to do stuff for him which is hard to decide. However he left wet towels for days in the machine and it smelt. So I did a quick wash then hung it out.

My boys can be minging. Normally ds15 is so good.

Must declutter AND hoover weekly AND do my appeal. Must be superwoman this week. Dh did a 20-hour day today. My mums inquest closed and I only told my sister. It's a weird week. I'm beating myself up again. I know I'm doing really well. So why do I feel like I should do more and faster? I've got it. I know I have. Meh

Didn't have a lot of time to declutter due to long working days but managed to sell a bookcase and a jacket on eBay.
Also got rid of 11 dvds and a CD.
Total 875.

We've finished renovating my sons room and although I didn't count anything 'out' as I classed it all as rubbish, I've managed to use lots of things that have been stored since we moved in as most of the rooms were unusable.
So far for this room I've used up 6 rolls of wallpaper which were boxed up for almost 3yrs, a wall light, a shelf, huge pack of curtains, curtain pole, a rug and a few large toys.

Incessant I'd speak to DS about the towels and remind him he's an adult and needs to behave like one. It's not cruel it's preparing him for a happy life where he's probably going to be sharing a home with other people. Nobody likes a lazy friend or partner who does nothing. You're doing him a favour by bringing up the situation with the towels. Next time leave them on his bed, still wet and stinking. A night on the floor or sofa and a bed to clean and dry next day will make him think twice about only doing half a task in future

Today I got rid of 8 spools of thread to a good home. Total is 1167

Oh @IncessantNameChanger, you are far, far too hard on yourself. You have a massive amount on your plate, and I certainly think that it often is easier to try to control or plan for one tiny thing than acknowledge how hard the rest of the stuff is (eg stashing clothes makes us feel good as we are “saving money”, making nice plans for our kids, being organised… it’s only when it starts to overwhelm us that we recognise that it has a downside too).

And yes, maybe your hoarding has an impact on others, but why are you the person responsible for everyone’s filthy socks or wet towels? You aren’t. They need to learn, like genuinely, they need to learn how to be a human that doesn’t have a person walking round trying to fix everything for them.

Take care of yourself and please try to stop beating yourself up. You’ve come so far!

Well done @IndianSummer78, and also big well done to @PissedOffNeighbour22 - I love the declutter that comes from using things up, or finally putting pictures on the wall, or finally getting a job done!

Sympathy @Vinorosso74 - those weird interactions really make you think with selling stuff on FB. It’s scary how weird things can get. I was a bit shaken by how angry someone got because they hadn’t come in time to pick something up (I’d told him it was outside and anyone could take it) and the second thing he wanted was a toy garage but he was angry it didn’t come with cars on it. Both things were free! So it must be a whole lot worse for you.

As for you @heartbroken22 - you are doing bloody brilliantly. I’m sorry you are surrounded by hinderance rather than help. Do take care of yourself and your bubba. Remember the stuff will wait, and only declutter if it makes you feel better, don’t worry if the house is in a mess, that will pass like this time.

@heartbroken22 that sounds scary, I’m not sure I’d want dc to visit grandparents if there are hazardous items around. My ex in-laws and h are hoarders and I’m so glad to have them out of my life, visiting them wasn’t relaxing with toddlers.

In terms of your partner thinking you bin too much ignore him. Don’t forget the other benefit of decluttering (in addition to space) is extra time. If he wants to bag up old clothes, store them, and remember they’re there he can do it. I used to pass clothes on from dd1 to dd2 and often I’d either forget where I put them and find them afterwards until dd2 was too big. And dd2 never wanted to wear dd1s clothes anyway so it was a waste of effort.

@IncessantNameChanger your ds1 has said before that you live in a mess, but doesn’t seem to help, please don’t feel bad that you are doing less for him, you are teaching him independence which is the best thing you can give him. Dd1 has asd/adhd and in some ways is chaotic and behind where she should be so she probably does less than she should but she does try. Personally I would’ve put the wet towels on his bed. You have three younger children who need you more than a grown man. Having said that I think you should get your younger boys to do more as well - picking up their own socks and pants is a start but I know they’re neurodivergent so it might not be so straightforward as with a neurotypical child.

You have so much going on with your life @IncessantNameChanger do you have a friend you could meet at the weekend to talk about your mum and everything else. You are a superwoman but I think you deserve fun or maybe just a day off.

I have put some more toys on Facebook marketplace, and had the usual scammers and ‘will you post it?’ I heard a podcast the other day about how bad Facebook marketplace is for scammers so I’m tempted to put everything on freecycle but then like @realfastfoodie I’ll probably get people complaining about things I’m giving away for free.

Agree with what the others have said @IncessantNameChanger
I’ve made my eldest DS (17) do his own laundry since he moaned at me for not being on top of it. And he said it was a menial task that anyone could do….
I still do DS2’s (15) as he’s autistic and struggles with some life skills. But he will need to learn too some day.
DD (12) sometimes does her own, sometimes I’ll say bring it down and I’ll do it if I have time and energy.
They certainly aren’t let off the hook if they leave crap and laundry about downstairs. Mind you DH is the worst for leaving socks about 🙄

I have been on a bit of a roll today.

• have sorted and put away all the spare duvets and bedding, and labelled the bags with what sizes they are for the future.

Out/into recycling:
one tatty sheet
2 dead pillows
2 holey tea towels

into charity box:
3 pairs of football boots - no one plays in this house but DS1 used to have to have them for school
1 set of shin pads
20 books (may give to charity friend for school library)
some coat hangers (including a fancy padded one that I have no clue where it came from!)
2 random generic tv remotes

still several boxes of stuff in the spare room, some are too high for me to reach so need tall person help 😃

• and have made a pile of stuff that belongs to PIL, esp MIL, she likes to leave bits here so some I’ve put in ‘her’ drawer, others are to go home I think when she next visits.

Oh and I gave up on a repeat no show person for some school PE kit and got DD to give to someone she knows in the year below.

Have listed some army boots Ds1 have grown out of on FB marketplace for free, will see if any interest.

have another day off tomorrow but seeing a friend first for a walk, then hopefully get some more stuff out.

I don't think I've ever been on this thread before, but I spent the weekend doing a cull of clothing and candles and the kitchen cupboard of doom, and now have four big bags to take to the thrift shop, with a bin bag already dispatched to the bin.

Welcome math. You've made a good start, do you have much more to do?

Stealthninjamum makes a good point about DC. They're not a woman's hobby! They're a shared responsibility between both parents. I don't think I've ever read a post on here or heard IRL of a man decluttering DC clothes. If there's a woman in the house it's always her that does it. So where do these men get off telling women how to do it, when to do it or what to keep and save versus declutter? Women aren't men's staff, I think some of them forget that.

One bobbled top has gone today. Total is 1168

Wow, everyone is doing so well! I am impressed. I mean in some ways it's scary how much stuff there is in the world, but I also hope some of it goes to good use.

I sold a hat on Vinted, nothing else out today. Just looked and I only have ten items listed of the original 90+. Few are not particularly desirable items do I don't think they'll sell, but I do have a few things left which I think might.

I might go through the kids clothes again to see if there's more items, but tbh I would rather donate them to friends with kids.

1581 items now

Another little pile for the baby bank from me. Just in the process of swapping DC’s summer to winter clothes and upsizing some bits, so challenged myself not to keep so much. It’s got to be worth it if I’m storing it for 3 years!

I need to do a big baby bank run at some point. Am tempted to do smaller ones to get it out, but also waiting gives me a bigger “gain”!

Also doing a bit of a bathroom sort, and used up some bits and threw a few more away. Lots of little bits and pieces to help move forward a bit. Will do a count up tomorrow when I take them to the outside bin!

@Pigtailsandall I get what you mean about it being a bit scary about all the stuff that is out there. I hope we can encourage our DC to acquire less in their lives but overall people are very stuff-oriented and we just make more and more.
I hear so many people talk about Decluttering and wanting less stuff though so I try and be hopeful!

Scouts have said yes to wanting our tent that we never use anymore so that can go next week.
The big old cupboard from the old kitchen is now flattened ready to go to the tip (the builders used it for storage for a while so it missed the skip).
Those will both be big outs from the side extension/not a garage/don’t know what to call it! area. I have shed type shelves in there that are pretty full that I want to go through, sort, label, etc. so kids can find scout camp stuff themselves. Plus cat boxes for the vet, tools, gardening stuff, etc.

Going to look at my mums old boxes of stuff now, hopefully 2 years on some stuff can be parted with (I was pretty good when she died but there’s always something you feel you should keep).

Agree @Pigtailsandall and @LivingInaBuildingSite, the sheer amount of stuff we all accumulate is madness. Reduce, reuse, recycle.

Confession time. The other place I like to hang out on MN is the Christmas bargain threads, because I love Christmas and I love a bargain… but it’s so important to only actually buy useful things. I got a few beauty boxes sent to me, because of an amazing offer, and I’m still using up the contents. I just don’t need them.

My daughters appeals was adjourned yesterday as no judge! It's being held at the end of October now but my sons appeal is in October 😰

I have made good use of today tidying all of dds clothes in the house. Everything today that she has that isn't in the wash has been through my hands today. I have a pile of jumpers of her to sort and store but honestly this is massive to me. She has one Bix of clothes currently to big for her. One box of summer bits that I will thin and sell at beginning of summer. Everything else is out and in use. I can't really belive how well that's gone.

It's just one aspect of my hoard of course so got to do ds11 clothes next then move onto toys.

Sold lots on Vinted I the last 24 hours too. Made about £200 just from selling dds clothes for a few quid each since July.

I'm going to put the money aside for new kid shoes but I will only buy them when they are down to one pair of trainers, one school shoes, 1 pair of weelies.

Totals later. So happy. It really ups my mood

incessant I’m sorry dds appeal was delayed, it’s awful when you’ve been building up to something and you just want it out of the way. It’s great that you’re doing so well with the housework and shoe reduction. We have cut right down on shoes, I think each dd only has school shoes and a pair of trainers. I tried to get them shopping for sandals in the summer but they weren’t interested.

I have added another 5 toys to Facebook marketplace. The playroom is looking emptier. I’m also chucking out some of dd2s pyjamas as they have a hole in them.

This afternoon has yielded:

One top that doesn't suit me
One book I've finished reading
One newspaper I've finished reading

Total is 1171

Days like this I constantly feel as though I'm failing at decluttering, as though I'm not doing enough. I know it doesn't make sense so I've no idea why I feel that way. Those of you who are closer to maintenance level, at what point did you start to feel as though you were on top of it? I'm wondering if it'll be when the dining room table is clear or the master bedroom, both are the main dumping grounds for things without a home. Or maybe I won't feel ok until I've managed to get rid of things I want to keep but don't realistically have room for. It's difficult feeling as if I'm working towards a goal with no defined point where I'll have reached it

@IncessantNameChanger gutted for you about the delay.

@IndianSummer78 id like to know the answer too! My whole house isn’t super cluttered I wouldn’t say but we have areas of doom and generally too much stuff/way more stuff than we need or want.
I’m not sure I’ll ever reach minimalism and when I go to some people’s houses I think they feel a bit sad with hardly anything in them so I wouldn’t want that empty feeling. But I do want to know I’ve organised and been through everything, and know what is where, and where things belong.
we boxed up a lot of stuff before the extension building work and it’s only now I’m opening some of those boxes.

out today:

• 2 x dresses that were hung ‘backwards’ and I can’t remember when I last did the hangers thing so it must be ages ago.

(if anyone hasn’t done the hangers thing I really recommend it, hang all your clothes hangers the wrong way in the wardrobe. As you wash and put things back after today hang them the right way, set yourself a time (I forgot this bit) and check what is still hung wrong. Means you haven’t worn it. Obvs I allow longer for occasion dresses if there hasn’t been an occasion.

• LOADS of paperwork from my Mum and Dad’s stuff.
• LOADS of crap photos from their stuff too. So much more to go through. I have 3 large boxes full of huge old photo albums and loads of loose photos too. So many duplicates. So many scenery shots, or unnamed random people. Would love to even get down to 2 boxes.

But I have to remember they are not just for me to bin as my siblings would like a say too. But I won’t tell them about the shite blurry photos taken from planes of scenery lol 😄

• One knackered photo album

going to see if I can bin a few more before dinner…

@LivingInaBuildingSite I have yet to tackle my mums paperwork that I have here in my house or the photos. Clearing her house won't be easy either but probate has come through now so as soon as my sister is ready I guess we will have to 😨 it was our childhood home so it won't be easy.

Out today 5 things sold to Vinted
46 items of kids clothes and shoes to donate or dump. They aren't out the door yet as it was too wet to brave the dump

Total for September
Total out 87
Total in 3

Total for year since July 942
Total in 87

So I'm doing good at around ten outs for every in.

@IndianSummer78 i still have too much clutter and 3 or 4 areas that need a lot more work but I am finished with lots of areas - kitchen, clothes, bags, books, tools, utility room, bedding, dining room, sitting room etc but I remember feeling so pleased when my life was just easier

1. we had to go to a child’s party and normally there’d be chaos for looking for wrapping paper, scissors, sellotape and I might even need to go out and buy more. On that day we wrapped the present in two minutes the paper, scissors and tape had a home
2. exmil asked how much our gas / electricity bill was and within a minute I had my bills folder and had told her.
3. decluttering photos was really pleasurable because I could see how much more cluttered my house was 5 years earlier. If you look at the opening Santas presents taken every year the backgrounds of the photos get emptier with every year. Dc still pretend to believe in Santa because I love them in my room early opening their stocking fillers and so we still take photos every year even though they’re teens now

My house is a bit messy now because I’m focusing on dds ehcp paperwork, and school refusal, but if I spent an hour I could run around and rehouse all the mess and it would look fairly neat, clean and organised. This compares to 6 or 7 years ago when if the in-laws were coming over I might be up to 4 in the morning tidying and cleaning.

Oh god I hear you @stealthninjamum unexpected visitors and I am carrying up artfully to dump on my bed for hours. Then there's no where to sleep so it all gets carried down again.

Sorting out ehcps is what messed my mh up in the first place

I agree it's scary how much stuff we all have/had in our homes.
Successful day today: item gone via Freecycle and bike finally sold! Yesterday's out was a pair of holey socks.
DD wanted a gift bag to put some bits in for a friend's birthday and I've realised our stash of those is shrinking!

@Realfastfoodie I also hang out on the Christmas bargains thread 🫣.
I've done pretty well so far though. Only 2 small Christmas trees for the kids' rooms (that I absolutely didn't need) and a wet brush for my daughter. She spilled milk all over it immediately 😑.

5 items out to fabric recycling today. Total 880.