Decluttering Thread 5 - Slowly Does It

[Pigtailsandall]

We filled the previous thread quickly! I'm still in the middle of my annual leave and working through my old sentimental items so I need to keep the momentum going! It's taking ages.

@incessantnamechanger
@EllieQ
@nordicmum
@IndianSummer78
@Realfastfoodie
@nordicmom
@CornedBeef451
@thingshavegottogo

@stealthninjamum
@pissedoffneighbour22

Sorry for anyone I missed! Hope you find us!

No decluttering for me for several days now. Too hot. Too pregnant.

I do have a few piles of stuff ready to do a push on next week when it’s cooler.

7 more eBay items sold and posted.
1 pair of trousers to the fabric recycling.

Total 839.

One baby romper and one baby vest out today. Total is 1132

Gah this has been a busy week with our school not starting till next week and juggling everything possible. I'm so tired. I listed stuff for sale on Vinted last weekend and now it's sold and I've been dropping parcels off this morning.

I sold 4 kids trousers, a kids top and a blazer on top of the stuff I'd already posted so quite pleased. I also binned a really manky dinosaur toy, a foam thingy we used to put under a sheet to keep our child rolling off the bed when she was tiny, and I finished a particularly sticky and annoying face cream

Total is 1490

Finally read and disposed of one leaflet. Total is 1133

I've sold another 3 things on vinted, one bulky bed throw, one dress that didn't suit me and a bag that I'd had listed for about 6 months now! Was just about to take it to the charity shop.

I also really hoard packing material. I used up some for the Vinted items and binned others. I keep them under the sofa and hate how hard it is to clean. So out went 4 cardboard boxes and a bag of bubble wrap. I also finally gave a gift to a friend which I'd had since Easter, plus recycled 4 postcards and an info pack set

Total is 1504

Well done @Pigtailsandall and @IndianSummer78.

I've photographed and listed five things for olio. Increasingly though I’m just shoving things outside the house and first come, first served!

Ok, I need to work something out. I have some good bedding that we need to get rid of. I’m tempted to just put it into fabric recycling, because whenever you post on local groups you get loads of well meaning posters suggesting places it can be taken… but if I have to investigate all these options and then drive to take something it’s not going to go this week.

The problem is that then I am a bit tempted to keep the red one to make Christmas gift bags from, but then I need to get the sewing machine out…! Eeek!

@Realfastfoodie I had a similar issue with bedding. I was also tempted to keep it but I had to really think to myself about whether I would do something with it sooner rather than later. In the end, I donated it to charity.

On the other hand though, you might find yourself decluttering sewing stuff once you start the project 🤣.

Today, I sent two more Ebay parcels and donated 6 bags of stuff to the charity shop.

Two outgrown t-shirts for the charity bag. Have found several jigsaws that are unopened so may pop those on eBay. Bag of uniform in corner of loft sorted through the tops are of the old design so into the rag bag. Few more books identified for charity bag too. Few small things listed on eBay this weekend too. Feeling quite productive despite the heat 😁👌

I put a of dds branded unform in the clothes recycling and felt no guilt at all. The school has too much but its mostly the old logo stuff so rather than putting a hold on new donations, they could recycle the old logo things. Dd old school gate is locked unless it's pick up or drop off and at that time I'm at her junior school.

It's just another internal dialogue of why I'm duty bound to hoard stuff. No more.

Having lots of success on Vinted right now.

Incessant glad you were able to let go without guilt. I was given something second hand about 2 years ago that someone didn't want and thought I'd like, it never got used. I already decluttered it recently, but it was waiting in the pile of things to go out, destined for a friend's charity raffle next time there was one. That might not be until Christmas though, just guessing, so as there was room in the wheely bin today it went in there. I don't have the space to hold things for other people for any length of time. It wasn't even my rubbish in the first place!

RealFastFoodie if you know anyone who sews offer it to them for making practice runs with, otherwise donate to charity assuming its in good condition

Today's outs-
A top that makes me feel frumpy and a blanket with a faded bit from the sun. I have plenty of others that aren't faded. Total is 1135

realfastfoodie I gave my old bedding to a charity shop, they sell bedding and curtains but not all do. I would keep the red one for a month and if you haven’t started crafting with it then get rid of it.

I sold a toy yesterday and decluttered some papers with dd1 in her bedroom. I also put a scarf in the ‘rags’ pile, it was a nice scarf but dd2 used to play rapunzel with it and pretend it was her hair so it t has a few holes.

I advertised two chest of drawers but no one wanted to buy them but we have a local charity who will take them. I also have an unused chest of drawers that I’m going to drive to dp.

Thanks @stealthninjamum and @IndianSummer78. None of the charity shops round here take bedding. I can put it into the Salvation Army fabric recycling, or try to find a new home for it.

I like the idea of keeping the red stuff with a deadline (although giving myself just a bit longer as within a month I will have a newborn arrival!). And it also means I’m not holding up a bin bag full of stuff for one item! J

Just realised I haven’t been here since our first trip recently so for a while . We then spent a few days at home and went again although got caught in that travel chaos so had two attempts on the leaving . In between it was a rush to get organised and all packed for school since got back the day before DD started last week . Now trying to get into the swing of things but with some new arrangements at school and endless emails from them I’m still struggling a bit trying to not to forget anything . DS finally got his Uni accommodation confirmed so I was able to start getting most of the stuff he needs some I had bought already . I have a few weeks left still but feels very rushed now . He’s looked through and cleaned all of his room except we’ll still need go through his clothes again .
He's got a small stack of magazines I’ve tasked him to get rid of before he leaves or he can take them with him since they’ve been around for a few years now.
No active decluttering here really except I went through the kitchen kids snacks and dog treats cupboard and a bunch open and old and unwanted stuff is gone now , also sorted out my bedside table top drawer looking for something and put a bunch of papers etc to recycling mainly . The giant sack of DD old uniform will go to school this week and now that we’re home DH will list some sports equipment to sell after he checked delivery options , also hopefully selling spare camera stuff finally ,and dealing with his small sailing boat I think he’s now decided to have fixed first if possible . He’s also considering selling our big motorboat and big sailing boat since they weren’t really used this summer or the last , and putting the money into a pot for a bigger sailing boat he’ll get in a few years when he’ll hopefully be working less and have more time to use one . In the meantime I’d like for him to get rid of smaller pointless things .
After just surviving the summer while concentrating on keeping the kids busy and everyday life rolling along I’m trying to get back into a mindset of getting house maintenance, decluttering ( still have the couple of boxes in the attic left otherwise it’s maintenance ) , endless admin and all the outstanding medical stuff done . Mood is very low so it’ll be a struggle and I’m continuing to scramble and just have to prioritise the most urgent which atm after doing our trips was getting DD back into school , her birthday party , and then DS off to UNI . I’ve been pretty much continuing to neglect myself but I don’t know how not to , I have no time or energy left after doing everything for others .
I feel very stuck in this way of life to be honest . I have about 80 things on my to do list and I’m trying to identify stuff I can get off it soon to feel more positive . I have to write things down or they’re all just be swirling in my head stressing me out more . Of course as fast as I get things done I add more to it which is depressing but inevitable so I’ve excepted it .
A couple of things gone recently;

-1 broken dog leash ( and old collar )
-2 broken pairs of swimming goggles
-1 damaged pair of DS sunglasses
-1 old pair of DH board shorts
-3 stained rash vests
-1 stained kaftan
-a bunch of old food from the snack cupboard
-a pile of papers from my bedside drawer
-5 packets of unwanted / old dog treats
-1 pair of DD small trainers
-1 pair of DD new uncomfortable sandals
-1 pair of DD small football boots
-1 broken lamp ( saved the new shade )
-1 broken charging cord
-1 pair of broken headphones
-1 DS old surf T-shirt
-1 DH unwanted new surf T-shirt
-3 unwanted / broken dog toys
-1 smelly sunscreen
-1 DS small shirt
-1 DS big lego box

I have all the laundry to fold again so there’ll probably be more outs from there …

A few more to add, this definitely keeps me motivated! Now on 93 items

⁃	Boho top 
⁃	7x Old perfume / lotion 
⁃	Chipped glass 
⁃	Night guard 
⁃	Leather jacket 
⁃	Cos top 
⁃	Star Wars top
⁃	5 cds 
⁃	1 tape 
⁃	3 frames 
⁃	5 books 
⁃	Toddler shoes 
⁃	2 ceramic pots 
⁃	2 ceramic vases 
⁃	5 gift bags

Sorry @Nordicmom, that feels really hard. You are doing so much, but I can see how you feel trapped. Take care of yourself.

I’ve had a couple of Olio wins today, and I think I’ve nearly made peace with my bedding conundrum!

@Nordicmom Im sorry that sounds so hard. I mean this kindly but can you get people to help? Or can you just not do some of the jobs? Would a counsellor or someone help you prioritise? You have so much on and a health condition, if you were my real life friend I’d want to give you a break and to help you put yourself first for once.

Nordic that does sound hard. I have three children with ehcps and I have two SEN tribunals coming up. Pre covid they would be heard in person at the Royal Courts of Justice in London so no minor thing to take on. I have one on the 22nd then another in October. While I do these major life events EVERYTHING can go to hell. I can't do it all. If it's fire I put it out, if it's smoldering I watch it carefully. Unless otherwise on fire its not on my radar. Sadly I'm beginning to stop offering to help my 19 year old so much too.

I'm not a Saint. Or superwoman and no longer want to be.

Kids are filtering back to school now. My 15 year old is still off as he is indi SEN school who go back tomorrow but are in fact having rolling strikes. So no school tomorrow after all.

Today I have just been pottering around, picking up rubbish, hoovering, making beds etc. Nice soft start. Have to re engage with the declutterer but I have this appeal. I need to re write dds ehcp in a week.

Out today

Old phone case, nail file pot, two old diary's. A zillions tissues dd drops as she goes. She excretes mess. She a filthy animal really. Semi feral in fact 😁

Should look at mums handbag I haven't looked at since she died. But not ready.

September Total out 27
Total in 3

2023 Total 882. A way to go yet.

cleaned the bathroom for 40-50 minutes and threw out/recycled some bits. I with throw away mop head coz I have a new one waiting but can't get old one off. also did the bedrooms but not much to go DS is a different story awaiting him sorting paperwork finally sent a school cardi back to its rightful owner this morning

I’ve been pretty much continuing to neglect myself but I don’t know how not to, I have no time or energy left after doing everything for others

Nordic reading this is like a portal into my past. It took a year of therapy for me to turn this around.

In very basic terms it goes like this:

• You're equal to all others, which means they don't come before you, that's not equality. Obviously parent/child relationship complicates that, but your country will have a legal age of adulthood and at that point they're not your dependents they're your equals.

• You help others only in so much as it doesn't negatively impact on your own health/life, if it's going to have a negative impact that's where you draw the line and stop helping/say no. This is difficult because so many of us have been conditioned to believe total physical incapacity is the only point at which we're allowed to say no. Various degrees of physical or mental incapacity is often the result of not saying no in the first place. We need to undo that conditioning. You might occasionally choose to go against this one eg when my friend took an overdose I stayed up all night with them in hospital, despite the impact I knew that would have in my health. Would I have done it for a stranger? No. Would I have done it if the overdose wasn't a one off but part of a pattern of destructive behaviour? No.

• You have the right to need things and to arrange your life so you have your needs met. This might be news to you! It was to me.

• You have the right to want things, for any reason or none (so long as it doesn't harm others eg you don't have the right to want your neighbours pension and it's not ok to mug her for her handbag).

• You have the right to take steps to change your life to get your wants, even if others don't like it. (They, in turn, can make choices about what to do with their own life and who to spend their time with.)

• You don't have to justify your wants or needs to others. They don't have to agree. You can choose to explain or to compromise if you wish, in the interests of maintaining a harmonious relationship with someone important to you, but you don't have to.

• Other's wants don't come before your needs and that includes the wants of your dependents.

• Compromise involves giving up something you want in exchange for something of equal value to you. It doesn't mean just giving up and having nothing to please someone else.

• If someone needs or wants A and someone else needs or wants Z, there is no workable compromise because even if you met in the middle, you'd both be so far away from what you needed or wanted that the situation wouldn't work for either of you.

• You have boundaries by deciding for yourself and having them, not by expecting others to give them to you. It's not upto others to allow you to have your boundaries, you have them already. If someone else is not respecting your boundaries that's on them, it's not because you haven't explained enough etc, you don't have to explain or justify and they don't have to understand or agree.

• It's ok to literally walk away from rude disrespectful people, no matter who they are. Not just ok, it's often the right thing for you to do. You don't owe anyone your time and energy explaining or justifying yourself and you don't have any obligation to accept or tolerate rude disrespectful behaviour or words. If someone keeps being rude or disrespectful towards you, it is time to reconsider their place in your life and whether you want to change something in relation to that, upto and including going no-contact with them.

• Selfishness means doing whatever you like with no consideration for others. Putting yourself first, whilst also considering (which is not the same thing as bowing down and giving way to) the needs and wants of others, isn't selfish.

If you're reading all that thinking But, But, But...and coming up with a list of reasons why that doesn't apply to you, you need therapy for those Buts because they're the results of warped thinking and those Buts need tearing down so that you can start thinking differently, which will allow you to change. This stuff does apply to you. It applies to all of us, no matter who we are or what our situation is.

Sorry that's so long! I'll stop derailing the thread now. My PM's are always open if anyone wants to discuss further, although some of why we hold onto items will sometimes be to do with not doing what's right for us, so perhaps it is somewhat relevant to the thread

Today's outs are two shirts that don't fit. There may be more if stain removal proves unsuccessful. Total is 1137

It's so refreshing when you had made a little more room for stuff. I have for the first time in my daughters life, been able to look through her Christmas clothes and see what is too small. Why? Because it's all in one draw now! [Faint]

Between being away and being too hot, I've not achieved much Getting really fed up of time wasters, trying to sell a bike and just getting inundated with timewasters.
I have filled a bag for charity so will drop that off later in the week. Also decluttered dead bedding plants and weeds from the back garden.

Woohoo @IncessantNameChanger - I love it when we feel things improve!!

@Vinorosso74 good stuff, getting a charity bag full!

And finally three cheers for @IndianSummer78’s mini life-coaching session. I suspect there are very few women in the country who don’t need to hear one or more of those messages!

Another couple of olio wins this afternoon, including one I had completely forgotten was being picked up!

I also have a different kind of win with a bunch of things done by our lovely handyman. This includes getting a few bits of furniture into the right place so we can use them and also we’ve had some of our kitchen cupboards fitted with drawers which should help us manage the contents a bit better. I’ll also apply the rule that if things don’t fit into the new space they can’t stay!