How do you encourage your children to let you get rid of old toys?

[FizzyWineAndCrisps]

I’ve made a rod for my own back by allowing the children to decide over the years what toys to get rid of. The result is we are now over run with them and their toy room looks like they have taken up hoarding, I don’t mean that flippantly, they even have a box of wrappers of things that they have collected ‘for memories’. They won’t part with anything anymore. I’ve tried appealing to their hearts by saying another child who doesn’t have XXXX might really enjoy having that now you longer play with it, I’ve also tried saying they won’t get new things if they won’t pass onto charity their old things and they have said that’s fine or you’re cruel according to their mood. How do you get your child to part with old toys? I’ve thought about removing them without telling them, but my DC have a habit of suddenly remembering a random old toy and wanting to play with it, and I know if I think it’s ‘safe’ to get rid of something myself, that will end up being the one they want! Help!

I do a combination of things. Small things like the wrappers I would just bin when they aren't around. Bigger things I tend to put in the loft for 6 months, then if they haven't wanted it during that time it goes to the charity shop.

If they realise, it's just tough isn't it? They need to learn they can't have everything their own way.

How old are they?

Have you tried actually enforcing a ‘one-in, one-out’ policy, or have you just threatened it?

Just clear out most of it when they're not around.

I think that you need to enforce the policy of no more new things. Difficult when new things might be for a special occasion like a birthday but you could set up a situation beforehand so they know that you mean it.

Have you tried hiding some things for say a month before donating ? If they remember a toy after a certain amount of time then just say it's gone because it was unplayed with for months 🤷‍♀️

I haven't got a show home but the wrappers would be in the bin. Broken toys or jigsaws with missing pieces would also be chucked for safety and space reasons.

I allowed my dd to have a stone collection but she was only allowed to keep 5 and it was one in one out.

Have you considered making the wrapper collection digital? They could take a photo instead.

I’ve given up for now, dc3 remembers EVERYTHING she has ever got rid of and likes to randomly bring them up and make me feel bad for ever suggesting we clear stuff out.
She’s 7 now and I know the toys years won’t go on much longer so am putting up with her cluttered bedroom for now. Not much help, sorry

If they say “fine” when you say they can’t have new toys, well, that is fine, isn’t it?

They have plenty of toys, they have an emotional attachment to those toys, and they’d rather keep those than swap them for new ones. So don’t buy new ones, seems like a win-win situation to me!

Surely loving the toys you have is a good thing. My older teens still have a small selection of favourite toys in their rooms.

Maybe some neat storage would help you feel better about things. Put the wrappers in a nice tin or jar. I would be strict about things like pens that have run out, broken toys, missing pieces etc while you sort things into storage.
But I wouldn’t throw out things that are loved.

Under about 6, just get rid of stuff and if they ask about it be like "Oh I'm not sure, I haven't seen that for ages either" they will forget about it in 5 minutes anyway. If they keep asking about something persistently, you can always get another one or a new version.

You can also instigate a quarantine area, where you tidy something away into a box or bag and hide it somewhere for 6-12 months, if they don't ask for it in that time let it go. If they do ask for it in that time, you can get it back out again.

When you are thinking about what stuff to get rid of, I would definitely base it on observation of their play, rather than just what you think they should like. Notice the stuff they pull out and cast aside to get to other things. Also consider how your toys are stored. I find that perodically getting everything all together and then separating it into categories by type of play is the most effective. So for example, we had a load of animal/dino figurines and they were just shuffled in with everything else, so they became "stuff to dig through" when the kids wanted a car or a truck or something. I took everything out and put all the animals in a tub with some fences and suddenly they are making play farms (with dinosaurs and kangaroos in 😆) I also got rid of the random 1-2 pieces of fence which didn't attach to anything else, as they never played with those.

If you have toys that only work when all the pieces are present, like a shape sorter, or jigsaw, things like that, again, the pieces on their own will just become "stuff to dig through" and contribute to the mess. So go through and locate all those pieces and then put them inside the main toy, store that somewhere that they have to

For older children, start involving them in decisions but don't frame it as "Which toys shall we get rid of?" because that invokes a feeling of defensiveness instantly and they will come up with a million reasons why everything is their favourite. Instead, frame it as "Shall we make some space so you can get to your toys more effectively?" and then "Which are the best ones to fit in this space?" from there you'll be able to see what they actually want to keep and they can see what actually fits, and it's then easier to say "Shall we give these ones to some other children who don't have any toys of their own?" or even "Shall we sell these for some money for your piggy bank?"

Maybe you could encourage them to glue the wrappers and memory things into a scrapbook?

I just turned the attic into a museum of childhood! Shelving, four shelves deep along the whole thirty foot wall, holds all their books, games and toys. Larger stuff is on the floor in crates.
If/when my DDs produce grandkids, they will have a huge, ready made resource of entertainment for them.

Sometimes I used to 'buy' the toys off them - I'd say if they gave me a box of toys to take to the charity shop they could have £. Amount depending on what I thought would close the deal, depending on age.

We sold a bunch on facebook marketplace. Once they realised how popular paw patrol toys are, they were happy to part with them. They got all of the money raised to the buy whatever they wanted. Which works out taking up less overall space and shows them it is worth selling more. Anything rubbish and/or broken got chucked and I pretended it sold. You also have to follow through with the one in, one out thing.

I convinced DC to take the toys, dress up clothes, books etc to a car boot sale and said they could keep the money they sold them for. It was hard work for me, but they enjoyed it, it was a good way to learn about handling money/talking to people and they got to see how happy other children were to buy their treasured things. We gave away some of the unsold things at the end of the morning, to younger children, and they felt really good about that

Hello
Just found your post as I'm looking for some inspiration myself, however I don't have this problem with my twins at this moment.
But what I was feeling to suggest to you is to let them face the consequences, which os messy room. I'd set a rule of ''no toys outside their room'' and I'd suggest that you stop cleaning/ putting away their toys from the floor. I know it means that you may step on it also but mostly it means that they will be stepping on it and it will eventually irritate them. I'd put a big box somewhere with note ''giving box'' or something around that meaning and just let it sit there for them to start filling it, without making any pressure or fuss about it. Obviously they have learnt that if you pressure them into giving something away then they can use it to guilt you. Children are very clever in finding ways how to manipulate us. So try not to make any effort. And when the box let them decide where to give it. Hospital, charity, shelters, etc...
Sending love and support

Actually, thinking about it, I myself would refuse coming into their room when it's messy by saying that I don't want to get hurt by stepping on something and just gave kisses for night by the doorway. Reading books could be on the floor infront of their room, etc. I'd let them feel that I respect that they like having mess but I need to keep myself safe and so I won't be going there unless it is tidy.
It is important to stay firm but calm.
Expect them to get angry but if you stay firm but calm, they will accept it in time. Chikdren must feel strong boundaries. Or they grow into narcissistic people who have no respect for others. My opinion of course 🙏

Just get rid of a load and then tell them you had to do it because there was too much. It's not cruel at all. They'll be annoyed but not for that long.

Also have a purgatory system of removing unplayed with toys and getting rid of them if they don't notice within a month or so. If they ask where toy is, say you got rid of it because you had too many things.

We have similar issues, this is the only way to address it, I've found!

Why would you respect that they like mess? You're meant to be teaching them good habits for life.

You are teaching the child that it is in their own best interest to have tidy room. Not because you want/need it.

• If selling on vinted, DS gets to keep the money - he tends to stick it in his piggy bank to save up for something (another toy, lol). If they're old enough, let them look at Vinted and see what other people are selling their things for, otherwise they have unrealistic expectations of what money is coming their way haha...
• If donating to charity shop he comes along and hands them over at desk. Staff usually make a little fuss over kids donating their things and at a young age it can be very encouraging, and make them feel special and appreciated.
• Set a target: "I need you to go to your room with this box and put in 3 toys you would like to donate." Do this within an hour, don't leave them to stay on the couch and hope they'll turn up with something by end of weekend. Sometimes out of desperation or an attempt to get back to the tv they will just go up and grab 3 items, done. Show them you've also got a box and are off to get 3 things too.
• Most kids and adults miss items they used to own. Use your judgement with this, allow for a bit of familiarity and comfort, but accept it's ok to miss stuff. If it's that bad and they continually ask for it, months later, you'll have to buy it again (new or otherwise).

Charity shop while they're not around then I just say I've put them in the loft to make space and they can get them back whenever they want. (They never do)

When they’re not around, bag some up and put in loft/garage/back of wardrobe (ie out of sight). If after three or six months they’ve not noticed they’re missing, then charity shop it is.

My thread has been revived! It was interesting reading this back because it reminds me of the chaos.
They started playing on their devices more (only for a while after school) and little by little I bagged it up and put it away when they weren’t looking in my wardrobe/attic as suggested here. They stopped going in their toy room so much so I cleared loads. I thought they would freak out when they saw it, but actually they were so pleased to see all of the space they now had and realised they were able to access all of the toys that they actually loved more easily. I think it must have been the thought of the things going that worried them the most, and my biggest worry was how to take back control of the situation. Most of the toys I removed have been long forgotten about by them. Thanks everyone for the advice you gave me.