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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

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Original poster

Help ! Nearly lost the floor under the clutter

20 replies

traceyinrosso · 12/02/2008 21:45

Help ! how do people have tidy houses and kids ? I don't want to live in showhome but so untidy and full of junk. I went back to work 3 days a week in September (we have 3 kids)and the house has gradually fallen to pieces - every room is a trip hazard. Kids (12,10 and 3) don't pick up after themselves and huff and stomp when reminded to hang their coat up or put their clothes in basket after a bath. We have after school activities every night of week and so am constantly exhausted, but reached crisis tonight when hubby came home and blew his top saying other people can live in tidy houses and seen as I was at home today I(with 3 kids as half term) I should not only have processed 4 loads of washing, ironed for an hour, cooked homemade fish pie, bathed 3 year old etc etc but the house should have been tidy too - could have walked out. Any mums out there live in tidy house and got tips that don't involve staying up til midnight cleaning

OP posts:

smartiejake · 12/02/2008 21:50

Nope don't live in a tidy house at all. But my dds and I have "15 min tidy" each day which they participate in or no friends, visits, trips out, sweets, etc.
I put on the cooker timer and we all go for it. We did three rooms with time to spare this morning. Works a treat.

Original poster

traceyinrosso · 12/02/2008 21:58

Think I am too soft on the older ones - threaten not to provide taxi service for after school dancing,brass band.rugby etc etc but never carry it out just end up in a tizz. Is it unreasonable to ask 12 and 10 year olds to hang coat and school bags up and put dirty clothes in basket ? We are squashed in a too small house so even when tidy we have piles of toy boxes and DVDs. Other people seem to have 4 or 5 DVDs on shelf whereas we have piles which are constantly on the floor where do they keep all the others? Am I just completely clueless in household management?

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mrsmalumbas · 12/02/2008 22:02

Fairly messy house here too but I try to keep the living room tidy which basically means we whizzing round at bedtime stuffing things away - lots of storage baskets help, shoes go in a big whicker basket by the door, coats are hung up on the way in. I tidy round upstairs while the DD's are in the bath. Again, lots of baskets for toys etc.

Do you really need all the after school activities? Just a thought - maybe if you all had a bit more time to just chill out things would be less rushed.

Also I can see a 3 year old not picking up after themselves but can't the older ones help a bit more? If they won't do it willingly can you coerce them i.e make pocket money or TV time or computer time or whatever conditional on it? When I was that age I had my own daily chores which had to be done, I had to do the washing up and hoover the lounge before my Mum got home from work!

peanutbear · 12/02/2008 22:05

I know how you feel and I dont work no advice I am afraid I just keep on picking up after them and my house never seems tidy at all

I try to do the tidying before we leave the house so its nie to come back to but as for the washing well its endless with 3+

Original poster

traceyinrosso · 12/02/2008 22:11

Wish we didn't have all the out of school activities but got kids who thrive with their sport, dancing etc and wouldn't know what to pull the plug on ! Kids get pocket money but don't do anything in return am told no one else has to help at home (yeah right) think will have to re negotiate terms and link it to co operation in the house. Should I get a cleaner but would be ashamed of mess as it is at moment and then is it worth working financially if paying out for help as well as childcare ? Welcome any comments

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avenanap · 12/02/2008 22:14

It's not just me YEEEAH . I don't even know what my carpet looks like the kid's dumped so muck bloody lego on it and has gone to bed. I'm damned if I clean the stuff up again. Environmental health would have a whale of a time if they came to my house.

Original poster

traceyinrosso · 12/02/2008 22:22

Am I just being unrealistic to try and work , keep house tidy, keep kids happy, keep hubby happy ( impossible unless tidy house, kids don't bother him and ready and willing in bedroom each night ) and have a life . Have a life who am I kidding - all I seem to do is wash, iron, clean and tidy (but to no avail) and go to work to constantly have my efforts undone within 24 hrs - WHY DO I BOTHER

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avenanap · 12/02/2008 22:27

you are trying to be superwoman. I take the view why bother. the kids are going to make a mess tomorrow anyway, why should I bust a gut for it to look exactely the same after 10 minutes. As long as it's not a health hazard and in serious need of kin and aggie I can think of better things to do with my time. I have a bar of chocolate waiting, I've spent all day running around and listening to my son talking, I'll just be wasting my time. Find a happy medium. Don't bother cleaning up every night, have some me time, just don't let the dust build up. This is fair.

Original poster

traceyinrosso · 12/02/2008 22:34

Thanks for comments so far any tips gratefully received. Need to get some shut eye now before it all begins again tomorrow

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smartiejake · 12/02/2008 23:00

No it is defnitely not unreasonable to expect kids of this age to pull their weight. They live in the house too they should help even if it is just with their things.
Go cold turkey and don't wash any thing you don't find in the wash basket. They will soon learn if their favourite jeans are not clean or they have to go to school in a smelly school uniform.
Put stuff you find on the floor in a bin bag and threaten to put it out for the bin men if they don't put it away.

Take no prisoners!!!

blossomsmine · 12/02/2008 23:35

I know exactly how you feel, i have the same problems....I work part time and have three children, older than yours but that brings the same kinds of problems that you are finding. The only thing i found was having a good de clutter, problem is you, like me, probably haven't got time for that at the moment. We, too, are living in a house that is too small, no storage space, two kids sharing a small room with all their bits and pieces cluttering the place up. I find all i do is straighten up each day, wash, iron, cook. Like you one of my children has an after school activity each evening and most weekends, can't stop that as it is going to be part of the childs career eventually so i feel it is important. I struggle on, like you, but i try and forget all about it every now and then and just take a few hours in the evening to chill out in the bath with my candles, wine and magazine!!! The place is still a mess though!!! Sorry not much help!

Original poster

traceyinrosso · 13/02/2008 21:13

Sound like we are in same boat blossomsmine. Like you my daughter dances and does drama and wants to carry this on possibly for a career long term and my son does several things but shows big potential at cricket so don't want to squash that one. Think I don't take time to chill and never seem to totally switch off. Am going away overnight in May to a friend's hen do at a luxury spa which am looking forward too but dreading what state the house will be in when I return and no uniform will be ironed etc etc. My husband moans about the state of the house but doesn't do a lot other than rant at kids to move things and wouldn't dream of picking up a duster. Wish we could move but would need to take a big jump in mortgage and just can't do it at moment - unless kids stopped all their activities and we lived on bread and jam ! Do you have bunk beds in your small room - am thinking of getting them for my girls who share to give more floor space but then won't have storage under both beds. Need a de clutter but always brought up not to part with things that family and friends spent good money on and my husband keen to ebay stuff but that in itself takes time I just don't have.Sorry but feel much better for a moan. Need to crack the whip and take control - problem is just too tired to do it!

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blossomsmine · 14/02/2008 23:05

We are def in the same boat even MORE so after reading your last post!! My dh doesn't do much either and if i moan it starts a row so i don't bother much anymore We don't have bunk beds anymore, used to, now we have one normal bed (so can store stuff underneath) and one of those high beds with a desk and chair underneath, abit cramped but can't really see how else to do it! I agree about the dance classes etc., being important, kids grow up so quickly and i would regret not taking them to lessons just because my house was a mess.....
I do try and iron every night and then put it away as this helps with abit of the organisation. I just need to go through the house and get rid of all the stupid things i keep that i will never use or that will never be worn again

Scramble · 14/02/2008 23:11

I do what I need to to keep my house operating. I have jobs to do each day, like monday catch up on weekends washing, tue empty all the bins and recycling and wsh a set of bedding, and so on. I do one load of washing most days so I can get it dried and put away.

I have routines where I do things as I go along so I don't have to go bACK AND FORWARD OR LET THINGS BUILD UP, like taking washing down in the morning, wipe round back of loo when I go to the loo first thing, wipe rouns tapes after brushing teeth, wipe round bath when DD is in the shower, that way bathroom never needs a big clean.

Decide what your essential tasks are and split them up over the week, make a chart if you need to. Wipe as you go along and pick up when you see it. I used to see a hankie lying onthe floor and could walk past it for a week thinking I must pick that up along with all the other junk that piles up, now I am reformed

Scramble · 14/02/2008 23:12

Oh yes a big declutter really does hlep frees up space for the stuff you do want.

dittany · 14/02/2008 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merlotmama · 14/02/2008 23:53

I always say: where is it written that only mum has to do housework?

You have to get your dcs used to the idea that doing regular chores is normal. It's no use waiting till they're older. Get them used to it asap. It also helps if DH does a share too. (Where is it written that dads don't do housework?).

Until they do it themselves they don't realise how much work it is or appreciate the effort involved.

IMO probs arise when Mum has been a SAHM and then starts work. The division of labour is always skewed in favour of the DH. The amount of extra work I have to do purely because I work part-time! The men don't realise the resentment that can build up.

hotchocscot · 15/02/2008 00:29

your older children are definitely able to help out. if you threaten to take away taxi service, and then don't carry it out, they will keep on TAKING ADVANTAGE and NOT taking you seriously. Take it from the step=mum of a 14 year old, say it, do it, mean it! My stepdaughter washes up, cleans the bathroom and takes out the rubbish, as well as helping entertain her baby bro and keeping her own things tidy, or she knows she'll not get a DVD or computer game time at the weekend. And your husband is being a pig - remind him which century we're living in and get him to do something. Even if its just to lay down the law with the older ones and help set a better example.

slim22 · 15/02/2008 01:00

Older children should be given a reality check
With my 4 year old DS, I ask him to tidy up. If he plays up, I threaten to bin the toy. If he still doesn't comply, I put the toy away and not give back for a few days.
Spreading routine over the week is a very very good idea.
Put a board in the kitchen and give small tasks.

ie:
Sunday evening: DC all made to put toys/stuff away in own bedrooms and pull appart their bed for next day laundry and elders help you make fresh beds.
Then they can have TV time or else and YOU can relax in a bath.
Monday wash - DC round up the baskets and bring them to machine.
etc...
All these routine should be 15-30mn maximum.
Not much in a day but 3 good hours in the week.

If DH does not want to help - get him to pay a cleaner 2 hours on Monday or Friday to scrub kitchen and bathrooms and hoover.
You've got your hands full as it is.
Make DH bring take away food once a week AND do the sleep routine with youngest so you can catch up on ironing and no other stress.
If you do not overload the dryer, a lot of clothes come out ready to fold. Do it straight away. If you let them pile up ion a basket they will need ironing!
Use one day of each holiday to de-clutter.
eldest kids should look after youngest at least 20mn each evening (ie storytime) so you have time to do something else without stress.

hotchocscot · 15/02/2008 01:24

oooh slim22 am loving your post! that's the kind of helpful stuff i wanted to write but am too zombied to list properly. hope all this helps you tracyinrosso, don't struggle on alone, get them off their bums - everyone lives in the house, so everyone should help make the house a nice place to live.

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