Always decluttering

[Bubbletrubble]

Hello

I follow a number of the decluttering threads but have come to realise I feel I always need to do another round and just wondered if anyone else feels the same?

I'm not sure if it's because i had soooooo much stuff in the first place but I have had a ruthless declutter this year and scaled back a lot. However, I feel sick with the thought of items being unused or not having a purpose so go again.

I have led quite a nomadic lifestyle, moving frequently, possessions have lived in boxes for years, stored in different places etc and this is the first time i have everything in one place so have been ruthless. As a child i grew up with lots of hand me downs and when i started earning my own money enjoyed having nicer versions of things (always bought with a discount or second hand so not going overboard or wild).

I find now that i want to swap things out for better or more practical usage. Girls example, i only have 8 items of jewellery so rather than the chunky wooden jewellery box I've had since i was 8 I've just bought a sleek box with different compartments to store them in an organised way. I'm annoyed with myself that I've bought a new item when I had one that was useable but I've disliked it for 30 plus years. But equally I feel I've bought something useful that I love, and will donate the old one. But I still look at the item as if its clutter?

I want this beautiful clean organised home that I've dreamt of for so long, but I never feel able to attain it. There is always piles of stuff everywhere waiting for me to organise and put away despite regular overhauls and I dontbring much in except to replace items or to make life easier e.g. just bought a mini vacuum to reach hard to get areas.

I will clear the area and it will be tidy but then think 'oh no I have too much let's clear again' and I can remove a few more items.

Sometimes I think the items or clothes I have is for someone else's life. I keep things as I want to be that person and wear xyz or wear a piece of jewellery and x handbag, so whilst I have a few items that I love (as I've kondoed everything I dont) I still feel I cant wear them as I'm only worthy of wearing faded Jean's and joggers until I have my life in complete order and only then can I enjoy the beautiful bits and live the life I want. I know that sounds bonkers as every day could be my last, but I dont know how to move forward.

Thank you for reading, a kick up the bum or hug greatly appreciated.

I’ve realised there are 2 parts of decluttering. One is getting rid of stuff and the other is not bringing more into the house. I don’t think replacing an old jewellery box with a new one is an issue, only if you kept the old one would it be problematic. I do think decluttering for most people happens in layers not like Kondo method or sort your life out. Could you be striving for perfection rather than enjoying your home?

Sometimes I find it useful to do a couple of rounds of decluttering in a short timescale to understand what I have and then give some “useful” items chance to prove their worth. Knowing what I own is really handy, and then if those “useful” items aren’t used in say 3-6 months I know they can go.

I have 3 young kids so I have to keep on top of toys and clothes so as not to get completely overwhelmed. I still constantly feel like there’s more I could do though.

ll feel I cant wear them as I'm only worthy of wearing faded Jean's and joggers until I have my life in complete order and only then can I enjoy the beautiful bits and live the life I want

This is worth examining I think. Why are you unworthy? Where did that come from? Your family? Is it true? We are all worthy. You sound like you are recognising your worth in other ways, eg replacing your jewellery box etc with one that you want, rather than the one you had. Could you designate one day a week, or something, where you dress in the lovely clothes? See how that feels, and look again at whether the clothes are for you to go out and about in, or whatever, or for a fantasy woman who doesn't exist? Maybe worth writing some of this stuff down, and considering it more.

If all this stuff has been stored in different places unused, and you've managed with only a few items, are you secretly a minimalist? You sound quite stressed out by all the clutter. Get rid of all the old tatty things then you'll have to use/wear the nicer ones. I used to be similar but there's really no point saving things for best. Commit to becoming the new you, the more you do it the easier it gets. Look on it as an opportunity to give yourself the gift of peace. If you're a minimalist the more you get rid of the better you'll feel. If you don't think you're a minimalist take a look at the hoarder thread in case you're secretly a hoarder and don't know it. Keeping lots of things in storage for years and having trouble getting rid of them sounds a bit hoarderish.

I think deep down I'd love to be a minimalist. I like things that have multi uses rather than lots of items. One example I didnt give above is that when bringing / buying new items into the home I sometimes think 'right if I buy one pretty notebook for xyz, I can put the relevant notes in there rather than have 4 similar notebooks,'. I've lived in different locations with very small amounts of things and loved it, being forced to mix and match outfits etc use only one product.

Now that I am in one place, a lot of the stored boxes have been combed through and reduced significantly so I've not kept much.

I definitely strive for perfection but never seem to attain it. For example, I tip exes an appointment in my diary and now it feels ruined. It sounds bizarre but I feel stressed that my diary is not beautiful and organised any more.

I have a whole weekend to sort the house and I'll deep clean everything and have organised systems put in place, on Monday I'll feel okay by Tuesday I'll feel it isnt enough and I need to go again.

I think you're just using this as a reason to beat yourself up. You're striving for something unattainable, and when you don't get there, you beat yourself up for it. If it wasn't decluttering or tidying it would be something else.

I've been there, lots of times. Recognise this is about your thoughts, rather than the stuff itself. Yes, try to declutter and tidy up, but set manageable goals for other things in life and rejoice in the small achievements you do manage.

If you can, try to fill your head with other thoughts and goals (if you are goal driven). So whatever that is - run 10k, volunteer at something, knit a cardigan, play a piece on the piano, bake a cake, hoover the car, fix the leaky tap that's been annoying you for ages, clean out the washing machine seal... Whatever. Just make it achievable and do it.

That's how I manage to cope with feelings of failure. Small small things, rejoice in managing them. You are not perfect, you don't need to be, nobody is.

I’ve changed my mindset about decluttering recently. I was always doing more and more (was a bit of a hoarder) and then went the opposite way wanting every room to be perfect all of the time.

I’ve now realised that I need to keep on top of it BUT I measure success with the following- ‘if someone said they are popping round in half an hour can I put all my clutter /paperwork etc into the spare room ‘ and then I know that actually the house isn’t that bad and is just being lived in and that’s ok !
I have a big plastic storage box in the spare room that I literally Chuck everything Into and take out after as some things you do need around and maintaining a show home isn’t compatible with real life

Yes! I think this is it, I am striving for show home standards and with a young child this isnt possible. I allow them to make a mess etc but then feel I have to get everything back to show home standard and it never feels that way. I think the guilt over having stuff is a separate issue and one I'm not sure on tackling. I try not to leave things to best and will wear those new boots etc but I also feel guilty for wearing them in case they get damaged etc. I want everything to be perfect at the same time so I can live this wonderful clean, perfect life with all the pretty options but life isnt like that. I hate having one item in the laundry basket as I feel I dont have the range of options open... I'm not sure I'm making much sense.

Perfectionism isn't a good thing. It's a character flaw that holds you back in life. This is what you're experiencing. Perfect is never ever finished, it's impossible to obtain. I read it somewhere once and it allowed me to gradually cure myself of perfectionism: in an exam 80% usually will get you top grade. So you don't ever need perfect, 80% is good enough - whatever you're applying it to.

@Bubbletrubble just wow, we are the same person. This is exactly how I think. I have a brand new handbag and in my mind it’s perfect so I can get rid of so many others - but getting rid of the others is a challenge as what if that bag isn’t perfect after all and people will think me unworthy of using it. So I will keep a lot more than I planned.
But then I look at the bags I haven’t used in ages and think there is too many.

this happens with notebooks, jewellery boxes, make up bags, trainers

I think you are at the start of your journey yet -
try not to overthink it

I started decluttering 9 years ago (first real one where I got rid of 21st birthday cards and wedding cards : I cut out the written Parts and made a scrap book)

also the kids still had a lot of toys until recently and I had clothes in three different sizes (slowly getting to where I want to be)

but anyway - I keep decluttering and I finally feel I am getting there now with labels and storage and being really ruthless. For years I hated myself and now I feel I deserve a nice handbag or whatever.

you are getting there and you are doing great

This isn't really about decluttering at all, is it?

It is about your own sense of self-worth and a perfectionist nature. The trouble with being a such a perfectionist is that you are never going to feel like something is just right. You are continually reaching for the unattainable. And you then beat yourself up over it.