Why does my house always seem untidy?

[mugcup]

I have these wonderful friends that always have loveky tidy homes. No matter when I'm in their houses every thing seems put together and organised. I feel like I'm always chasing my tail doing things yet the day someone calls there's things not put away or the rug needs hoovered or there's a bag from B&M with contents scattered over the kitchen table- do you know what I mean? I feel people would describe my home as lovely decor but a bit untidy. What is the secret?

This used to be us - always a pile of paper to deal with. Now, we hardly get post - everything is online. If something does come through the door, I try to deal with it as I pick it up off the mat, and certainly by the end of the day. There's not much though - in the hall, we have a key rack and it has a slot for post. Adult kids' post is put there - they take it and deal with it, so it never touches a flat surface downstairs.

You can't leave us hanging... where do the water pistols go?! Xx

My house is untidy all the time. Six kids and way too much stuff! One day I will declutter but for now I refuse to apologise for having a house that looks like small children live there. Because they do. And no-one can be bothered to tidy up but me.

@pancakes222 - bucket in the garden shed!

Please don't look to me for inspo tho! To my shame, I have a Monica's cupboard that I refuse to open and deal with... one day I hope to find the strength! xx

My seat is next to a bookshelf. Any post that doesn't need keeping/action goes straight in the recycling. Any letters that need action go on a pile next to me (yes I got rid of a lot of books). My 'essential documents' folder (passport etc) is under my seat so I can file things immediately.

I'm 'naturally' extremely messy but it isn't actually fun living in a tip and not able to find anything etc. Te real change came when I realised how much stress my mess was causing my partner - he barely complained but he hated it and it affected him. Life is better when you can find your stuff and see the floor.

I’ve got a doubled sided wooden sunflower about the size of a bookend with a large gap in the middle. I put post that needs actioning but not immediately plus letters from kids’ schools etc into there and it keeps it tidy and I love sunflowers so it is on display on a low shelf in kitchen. I look through it every few days.
I used to have files for everything and never got it sorted. I now have files for mortgage, life insurance and other long term items. And then one A4 box for everything else. So everything goes into the A4 box as soon as I’ve opened it (or else into the sunflower) and every January, I move over items than need to be kept longer term into my files. Items like car insurance that you only need for the year they are relevant for are kept in the A4 box until the January after they ran out and then they’re binned. I’ve gone from being so messy to being mostly very tidy. I don’t have great dexterity so I have drawers rather than shelves in cupboards.

We have a brown rectangular plastic storage box from H&M designed to be kept outside. All the kids outdoor toys (including water pistols) go into one and our garden chairs etc into another.

There isn't really a secret, you have to de clutter, find a place for everything and then put keep it tidy!
I quite like A slob comes clean too, she does one about The Container which is quite good.
Water pistols go in a yellow bucket in the shed.

Everything has a place and you get used to tidying up after people unfortunately. I have a little dish for keys and a thing to put post in once opened and it’s always me putting stuff in there. I don’t really even think about it any more.
When kids leave stuff downstairs I take it up to their rooms on my way up. I also do a quick tidy once everyone has gone in the morning (benefit if working from home) and at night before bed.

Clutterbug on youtube is realistic. She identifies combinations of traits and storage methods to suit.

Some people are very visual and need to see items out to be able to function from having that prompt to take action. There are neater ways of presenting it though. People who can hide things and still function have a major advantage!

Your home needs to be comfortable for you. You need the space to live comfortably. That level will vary from person to person. Some people love minimal spaces. Some people find more comfort in seeing their possessions. Posessions become a problem if they are inhibiting the way you live.

If you do need awkward, temporary things like post in the open, then putting them in a basket automatically looks neater. It also works well with things like phone chargers that sprawl easily. It also works well on what Flylady calls "hotspots" where random items gather easily. A Slob Comes clean talks about the "Container Concept" and putting a basket into those areas gives a boundary and a cue to deal with them when they are full.

I'm never going to have a minimal home. I don't want to. It's not my comfort zone and not the way I function. What does matter is having the space to move and function uninhibited and being hygienic and the rest is just personal style or fashion (and that's OK)

I have a small pile of letters and paperwork next to my chair that needs doing asap. I also have an A-Z concertina file for upcoming appointments, V5s, other less regular stuff and I keep it in a cupboard. Anything else gets binned and the same with emails plus set reminders on my phone about passport renewals etc

The key for me is to tidy frequently before it gets out of control. My kitchen worktops and dining table are clutter free but it’s a daily battle to either return something to its ‘home’ or bin it if it’s not needed. Before bed each night we take up what’s on the stairs ( that has been walked past numerous times throughout the day). If there are people there is generally mess. There is no secret but less stuff and little and often tidying keeps things reasonable shape.

Clean every DAY? (Responding to one commenter) - who has time for that? Once I get home from work I’m exhausted! Plus the kids just dump stuff on the kitchen table/kick shoes everywhere. I hate shoes and we have millions and a very narrow hallway.

Some people do live in a tip. My DF lived on his own for many years. Refused to clean and be bothered to sort things out. Result when he moved into a care home was 1000’s paid to a clearance company ( and I mean 4 figures!) to clear it.

Live in a mess if you want, pretend you will sort one day and suddenly you find your children will have to do it!

It’s not any secret. You put things away when you are finished with them, including shopping, and everything has a home.

If you do have things that you can’t work out where they should live, and so which just sit out then get a big storage box in one of your cubboards and drop everything “homeless” in there.

Then you need to teach them to put them back in the cupboard.

If you have no energy after work then have a look at your diet, iron levels and so on.

It is exhausting and unrealistic to have a tidy house when you have children and an untidy partner. I'm no clean freak but their slovenly ways knew no bounds.
Answer: enjoy your kids, friends and hobbies and put up with the mess. I used to have my clothes immaculate and always put away as it was the only thing in the house I had control over and that nobody else would want to touch.
I would empty dishwasher then people still wouldn't put dishes in, would put next to it. Idiots.
Stopped picking up kids clothes at 16/17 and said if they weren't in wash basket they wouldn't get washed. Solution: they leaned to wash their own clothes and one is at University and very self sufficient as a result.
Got rid of lazy ex and am now empty nesting. Miss the kids but not the mess. Enjoy the kids while they are there, don't waste their childhood nagging too much. Enjoy their company.

When I was single my home was immaculate - then I gained a partner and I had children.

At one point I had three (normally messy) under 5 year olds. Also had a partner who would come home and berate me about the state of the house (clean but cluttered), even that the saucepans weren't 'properly' stacked - in the cupboard! And some of the pot plants were dying in the garden - amongst other complaints! (He went out into the garden, by himself, at least 5 times an evening for a fag whilst I was bathing and putting DC's to bed so, therefore, could easily have done it himself!) It got to a point where I basically told him that DC's were clean, fed, had lots of days out/adventures and were happy and content and I didn't give a fuck about the saucepans or the pot plants - the children were paramount.

At the same time, I had a really good friend who's house was perfect - whenever anyone called round. However, her two young children were sat in front of the TV for hours and told not to move and were not allowed to have toys anywhere other than their bedroom - and even then only one at a time - whilst she endlessly cleaned. I was envious until I realised a clean house was her number 1 priority.

Now the children have all gone their own way (miss them hugely) and ex is also gone 😌 and my home is once again immaculate. I look back and I'm glad I did it the way I did especially when the children visit and we talk about all the memories from that time.

You spoke to my heart (and my DHs for opposite reasons - he is the neat freak). 2 DCs that don't tidy up much and it's a real struggle to convince them. They love their arts and crafts and create multiple new things every day - impossible to keep.
I struggle with concentration and I find that decluttering takes real time investment that I don't have due to work, kids, life really.
Also the day after I have thrown something away I find the use for it... With environmental considerations, I want to reuse where I can or find homes for or donate. That also takes time. (I have now just thought of about another 10 threads of questions I'd like to find / start / talk about.)
Anyway I came to say I feel the same, as I do truly believe and find helpful what others have said, with less stuff or easy homes for everything it's possible to get closer to the ideal. It would just take me days if not weeks to get there... <She goes off to order ikea storage boxes...>

It's habits. My 7 yo now periodically declares she is going through her books or toys and will make a pile of stuff to get rid of. I'm so pleased as she understands you can have too much stuff and it isn't all needed or wanted. The problem these days is that no matter how much space we have, it gets filled.
But, yes, when you visit someone else's home, they have probably tidied and have a bedroom with the door closed full of laundry, clutter and rubbish!

@BlueVixen and @Summerlovin24 - Yes! Thanks for what you said. Kids and life are the priority.

@NoNeatFreakHere this kind of thinking can be part of the issue. I have simplified it a lot now. I identified a second hand shop that basically takes everything. I found a book drop off point. Clothing drop off point. And electrical item recycler.

So I have containers for all these things (bags/boxes) and I take them to the appropriate drop off point as soon as they are full. I've become ruthless with throwing away broken or incomplete things the second hand shop wouldn't want to sell. I keep nicer condition children's clothing aside to put on vinted, but outgrown underwear, adult clothing or little bits of kids stuff or bulky stuff like coats I donate. They sort for reuse and recycle so anything stained or ripped goes there too.

I found when I was endlessly saving everything for eBay or Facebook or specific people it was still just being in my house taking up space. Nightmare.

Also there are designated spaces in the house (we're lucky to have a small cellar area, plus tops of wardrobes) for things that will be used but not for the next few months minimum. That keeps them out of my hair and I have banned random boxes of unsorted crap from being put there. Only if we will definitely use it again. But container concept here - too much stuff for the top of the wardrobe means it needs sorting out.