Just want to vent really. I wasn't sure whether to post this in relationships or not but this is specifically about housekeeping rather than other aspects of our relationship which are fine.
Disclaimer: I am no domestic goddess, but I do like things in their place. But I am not want of those people who is always cleaning. I like a hygienic kitchen and bathroom but I am not that bothered about the rest as long as I can find things.
The problem is, DH has taken over more domestic tasks since the beginning of the pandemic, for which I am grateful. Although he has improved a bit, and he isn't lazy and he is always reliable, he just doesn't do anything particularly well.
For example, when he cooks, six o'clock seems to come to him as a surprise (he buys food but doesn't seem able to think about putting ingredients together to make a meal) he doesn't stick to our very loose meal plan, he doesn't cook many vegetables, and he doesn't clean up very well afterwards. (We both opted to clean up our own mess btw rather than have whoever doesn't cook, cleans rule.)
This is just one example. Suffice to say that after two years of being at home, he still has no clue really what goes in to keeping a house. He doesn't see mess, he doesn't seem capable of advance planning, and when he does a specific task like cleaning a hand-basin although he has tried to do it well, it's not done very well at all.
Now I have no reason to believe that he is taking the piss or being strategically incompetent because that is not his character. He always makes an effort. He's an intelligent man with a professional job. And he is considerate and thoughtful in many ways. But housekeeping isn't something he thinks about I suppose. He has got slightly better over lockdown but I am beginning to realise I'm flogging a dead horse as he just doesn't "get" it.
I know this is not the same scenario in all houses as my friend has a husband who is fanatical about cleanliness while she is rather messy but if you are in the same position as me, what do you do?
Should I just give up hoping for anything different and accept that, if I want a house that suits me and my standards, I ultimately need to take responsibility responsibility for it, even though I only work on average, 5 or 6 fewer hours than him a week? He does earns more than me. We have had cleaners in the past but now we are wfh, it's quite difficult with Zoom calls and dog etc.
It just pisses me off and from reading these boards it seems I am not the only one. When he has done something badly, he genuinely can't see it, so he's bewildered when I complain. He did grow up in a home that was generally messy. He is the sort that can sit down among total chaos and focus on his work, whereas I would find that very difficult. He doesn't understand why it would upset me or anyone else for that matter.
He is an intelligent man and doesn't usually take the piss, tries his hardest at most things,