I have spent the best part of 7 hours tidying DD's room - & I am well peeved

[KatyMac]

She does not appreciate it
Everything going out has been argued/debated/discussed at length

I have decreed if it's not away it cannot stay - it must be in a cupboard or on a shelf - the floor is not an acceptable residing place

AIBU? (wrong section I know - sorry)

Have had this out myself. And afraid I sorted it in a sort of violent manner. I told her that anything on the floor that doesn't belong there gets destroyed. She called my bluff, so I shredded her favourite dress.
In case you are thinking that I am a cruel heartless Mum, I am, I also now have a daughter that can keep a house of her own. I also bought a new dress 2 weeks later to replace the shredded one.

Why would a child of 10 appreciate any tidying/clearing/sorting a mother might do? You have made the fatal mistake of not putting chucked items in the wheelybin immediately so they are not up for debate!

Ooops. another mistake. I didn't read the thread properly, I did this when DD was aged 14 and more consious of property etc.

At age ten I think you are having a losing battle. You could try the reward system, but also show her HOW to tidy, sometimes they have never paid attention to the logic of tidying so they stand there and say 'how'?

Im coming off MN for the night im making too many posts.

She now knows ^how& to tidy

She will be made to keep it tidy - I think that her pocket money (which she doesn't get yet) will be dependent upon her room keeping the way it is now......all week

How much is it worth?

Did your dd ask to have her room tidied? If not, then YABU. Maybe she likes everything on the floor.

No - bit if she wants to live here she needs to conform to the house standards

Same as she will when she moves into Halls of residence or a shared house

So she either gets with it or it goes in the bin - I am not standing between her & her dad anymore, I've had enough

but

dd age 10 room is pigsty i tidy it once a week and it still gets awful, i admit it is the size of a postage stamp but

some stuff has got to go

I found knickers age 3-4 in her draw

Plus dirty knickers in the bottom of the wardriobe

Plus knickers on top of the wardrobe

It's not reasonable - she needs to sort herself out - her dad irons her clothes & then they end up scrunched up on the floor

But her room is her own space, unless she shares. Having raised three teens and with one still to go, I learnt long ago that disputes over the State of Their Rooms are a hiding to nothing. They learn quickly enough when they leave home, ime.

You won't change her, my mother never managed with me. all you will do is make yourself cross, I'm afraid!

10 is old enough to tidy something certainly, but it isn't old enough to be expected to notice mess.

Have you ever specifically said to her "Go and get all the age 3 and 4 clothes out of your bedroom and throw them away"?

Are you setting a good example?

Why didn't you throw away the 3-4 age knickers when she outgrew them?

Because they weren't in the draw then goodness knows where they came from

I go through her wardrobe every 6 months or so - so either she was wearing them each time for the last 12 times or they have been hidden somewhere (or she stole them from somewhere)

Katymac, sorry but when she moves into Halls or a shared house, she'll keep her room in exactly the state she wishes to. I'm with Sue on this one, it's her space and you should leave her to it. my mum once put all my stuff in a black bag after weeks of threatening in an attempt to make me tidy up. i've never quite forgiven her for it, it was a hideous invasion of my privacy and it never helped me be more tidy (i'm still a messy so and so!!)