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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Snowed under, please help!

13 replies

Thrivingnotsurviving · 27/11/2021 20:45

Where do you start when you’re overwhelmed?

Currently feeding my 8 month old to sleep. When she goes to bed I’ve got the following to try and tackle -
4 loads of clean washing that need putting away
3/4 loads of dirty washing that need doing
Bombsite of a kitchen to clean up (no dishwasher)
Christmas presents that need wrapping
A 45 minute workout
Hours of studying (currently behind)
I also need to have a shower and cook/eat/clean up my dinner.
And maybe try and squeeze in some time to myself!!
I know I can’t get all of this done tonight, but this is why it builds up! I’m a single mum and I really struggle to get things done with her during the day. Today we got up, both got ready and went out to the aquarium. By the time we got home I cooked her dinner - needed to hold her for most of it so couldn’t really clean as I go. Then bath book and bed. I’m dreading going downstairs and seeing all the mess! My little one is also struggling with her sleep at the moment so sometimes she’ll go down and then be up every 45 minutes, needing 15/20 minutes to settle back down! I am trying hard to take care of myself and do things like the workout which make me feel good, but it just feels impossible to get it all done. I think I may also have ADHD. I just never know where to start. If you had all that to do, where would you begin/what order would you do it? Thank you!

OP posts:
Magissa · 27/11/2021 21:20

Shower
Cook your dinner
Clean up what you can while you wait
Eat
Wash dinner dishes and anything else in the kitchen to make it less daunting in the morning
Sit down with a notebook and plan /work out exactly what needs doing in order of importance. (I get you need a 45 min workout but if that 45 mins will be better spent on studying then study. You can put baby in pushchair and go for a run as a workout. Two birds one stone.)
Finish off with some me time. Bed .

Tomorrow morning
Wake up do immediate baby things. Clean up as you go any mess- wet towels- nappy etc - don't make more mess!
Put baby in chair in kitchen. Put music on. Load machine and finish kitchen tidying. Try and keep kitchen clear as at least if that one room is tidy you will feel somewhat on top of things.

It's a startSmile

Satlie2019 · 27/11/2021 21:23

More just sending you solidarity. I also have an 8 month old who is sleeping really badly. Currently trying to feed him back to sleep. I have two baskets full of clean washing to put away and like you loads of washing to do. Really want to fit in a workout this evening. There is no way I would have time to study at the moment, so really impressed you are managing to with a young baby. Sounds like you are doing brilliantly.

I think you need to cut yourself some slack. If I were you I would put a washing load on then do your workout this evening if you get time, to help you feel better. You can tidy up the kitchen tomorrow and maybe also make an appointment to talk to your GP about your concerns about ADHD (also on my to do list). Just my personal opinion though.

Good luck xx

Satlie2019 · 27/11/2021 21:27

Completely agree with @Magissa about making a plan anf also putting you baby in their highchair whilst you sort the kitchen tomorrow if you can. I play my baby childrens songs ect to distract him.

Magissa · 27/11/2021 21:31

Be realistic. Mine are grown now but I had three under five. Ex dh did nothing to help. As long as dc were fed, clean and happy and food was cooked anything else I managed was a bonus Grin. Washing was a nightmare for me but the trick is to just fold and put away straight away! If it gets left in a washing basket or dumped in a pile it becomes part of the mess. Don't add to the mess!
It just gets overwhelming.

HalloHello · 27/11/2021 21:51

Have you got a baby carrier? I get tonnes done with my baby in one, he gets one on one time with me and I get on top of things. Although my baby is only 3 months ATM.

I have a washing basket upstairs and I fill it with a load of washing plus anything that needs to come downstairs every morning, make beds, get baby dressed and sometimes fold dry washing before I come downstairs every morning so that's a big chunk of work done before 8am. I do a load of washing a day, and don't worry/look at what else needs washed.

I try to do 45 mins of chores in the morning while my baby is either napping in the carrier or kicking about on his mat. Before I get myself ready so that it's not piling up for when we get home. I do a different room each day. Kind of like TOMM, but adapted to fit my house.

Spending the entire day at the aquarium seems a lot for an 8 month old. Was it really far away? Otherwise a morning is more than enough. Can you plan to spend 2-3 days at home getting on top of things then try to set a routine that works for you?

Do you have family or friends to help? Hope you're ok, it's not easy.

Thrivingnotsurviving · 27/11/2021 22:28

Thank you so much to everyone so far, I think even just writing it all out has helped!

It was a long day - an hour and a half drive each way. Obviously we don’t go on full days out like that often but went with a friend for some social time for baby and I!

So far I have cooked, eaten and done all the washing up, so feeling really accomplished! Have also been back upstairs with my little one twice. I’m going to head for a shower and then sit and make a list!

Lots of great suggestions - my workouts are Pilates/strength type things but I think my little one would actually really enjoy watching me while she played so I may try and get that done in the day going forwards. Putting the high chair in the kitchen so I can do things is so simple but brilliant! We do baby led and I normally end up sat watching her for 45 minutes while I twiddle my thumbs in the dining room! I do have a baby carrier but my little girl doesn’t really tolerate it for very long - she’s been wiggly since she was tiny and much prefers to crawl around and investigate. It’s a blessing in some ways but does make it harder to do things while I watch her! I feel like I spend the day trying to get things done and then feeling guilty because I’m not playing with her or reading to her all day.

I do have great friends and family but they’re all very busy themselves - this week I’ve been dog/house/babysitting, as well as helping some friends move house which is probably why my own home is a bit neglected!

I think trying to get a good morning routine going is a great idea, if anyone would like to share there’s i would love some inspiration!

OP posts:
Thrivingnotsurviving · 27/11/2021 22:33

Thank you so much, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the struggle! Sometimes I think everyone else is managing perfectly and I’m the only one not managing everything!

OP posts:
EllieLucy · 28/11/2021 17:31

You can't do it all. You're prioritising relationships, which isn't a bad thing. But maybe you need some balance between that and the opposite of staying home cleaning non-stop and never going out. Find the middle ground.

Most people wouldn't have chosen a special day out with a 3hr traveling time all round, when they're behind on studying. Ditto dog/house/ babysitting and helping people move. Most would have arranged the beach visit for eg next month and said no to the requested favours, if the college course was hugely important to them. Those are all services someone could pay for, is failing your course worth it to save someone else spending their money? Its obviously not quite that simple and is also tied in with how helpful these people are to you and whether you owed them a favour, as well as their own life circumstances and whether these favours were emergencies etc. I'm not saying you chose wrong, only to think carefully what your priorities are and ensure you're acting in accordance with that.

Think about what you want most from life, you can't have it all, unless you're happy to have it all done to 60% standard. If you want higher standards you need to decide what to drop. Whether that's temporarily dropping something whilst you make time for some other temporary thing, or permanently dropping it because it doesn't fit in with this stage of your life. Reading another thread, I think this could be a reason some people don't have friends! It's not important enough to them to make the time to socialise.

One thing you could do if you don't already is to dress in clothes suitable for exercising all the time, so you're not having to get changed to exercise.

Do you have a playpen? No harm in using one for half hour so you can get something done without needing eyes in the back of your head.

If the wash basket is full I always put it in the machine with powder the night before (I notice its full when I drop my clothes in there before bed) along with powder and set it, so in the morning I just press start. In the morning when I wake and head into the bathroom I take fresh pyjamas with me ready for the night. In the evening I choose clothes for the next day and take them to the bathroom while the bath is running, so no thinking what to wear in the morning.

I pile things in a basket on the stairs top and bottom, if they need to go up or down. Then when I do head up or down I grab something and put it away where it belongs. The basket might not often be completely empty but it's never overflowing either. It's a constant work-in-progress.

I'll never head into the kitchen without looking round the room I'm in for anything that needs to go to the kitchen.

I clean weekly and if something gets dirty I tell myself it's not so bad, it was cleaned X days ago and will be cleaned again in X days time. That stops life becoming all about cleaning and nothing else.

EllieLucy · 28/11/2021 17:41

You could also try dividing up the day and settings yourself a deadline. So eg getting ready is 6am to 8am, that's washing machine on, getting breakfast and tidying up the resulting mess, getting washed and dressed. Without a deadline it's easy to faff around and getting ready to take all morning whilst you achieve nothing much. Then decide your tasks/activity for the morning and that ends at noon, so eg if you're cleaning and running out of time, look around and decide which bits to neglect that week because they're not too bad. Or if you're going to the park for an hour and there's tantrums making a 20min walk take 45min, then you don't stay the full hour at the park. Instead of overrunning into the afternoon and having less time for the afternoon tasks. So you don't just have A Plan, you have A Flexible Plan which you adapt as the day goes on to ensuyyou stay to target and get everything done.

prettygirlincrimsonrose · 30/11/2021 19:29

You might find A Slob Comes Clean helpful. She has a podcast and talks about getting her house under better control and decluttering without pulling everything out. I've seen her recommended by posters with adhd and I've been finding her really helpful and motivating. Even though a lot of it seems obvious, for some reason the way she talks about it has helped it click and I've got much better at actually doing things regularly (although currently struggling due to a broken arm, which is really frustrating).

I'm also at home with an 8 month old and think I might have adhd, the description makes a lot of sense. I've been trying to see some things as non negotiable, for example making sure the kitchen is done at the end of the day so its easier to quickly tidy up after each meal. Setting washing machine the night before to finish in the morning also helps. I tend to let dd play on the floor while I do things, and I keep a box/bag/basket of little toys in each room for her, which can help with having a quick play and keeping her interested (and less likely to try and get to the cats bowl, a cable etc). I also keep a record in keep note so I'm getting an idea of how I can make weekly tasks work, remember when I washed the towels etc (and because it helps feel I'm getting things done). In the morning I read to DD and DS and they play a bit while we get ready, I empty dishwasher while dd is in her high chair, then clean up any spilled food, and get her out and let her play while reloading dishwasher/washing up a couple of things. I try and use naptime for a job or too, including hanging out washing, and something relaxing for me (she is currently having long morning naps which I know can't last!)

Sounds like you're doing amazingly to be studying, and fitting in social stuff is really important too. I've got some projects I'd like to work on but struggle once I've got to bedtime for DD and DS to do anything that involves thinking.

Thrivingnotsurviving · 03/12/2021 19:56

This may be terribly boring so I apologise in advance but I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and share a little update!

Today I have:

  • put away one load of laundry
  • Made my bed
  • Made LO’s bed
  • Tidied nursery
  • Cleaned kitchen
  • Got fully ready - hair, makeup, the lot!
  • Made lunch
  • Washed up from lunch
  • Quick tidy of the living room
  • Started a load of laundry
  • Hosted LO’s grandparents (her grandad said “how does your mummy keep the house so clean” which made my day!
  • Cooked dinner - including a homemade pea walnut pesto which was delicious! I think DD is starting to go through the separation anxiety phase. She was inconsolable the minute I put her down. I remembered the comments here from the other day and decided to try the baby carrier - and she loved it!
  • Bagged up some food I’d flash frozen
  • Pulled out food to defrost for tomorrow
  • Helped friends who moved house with some cleaning

I’m feeling really good today! I took everyone’s advice and spent most of this week at home playing catch up and I do feel so much calmer for it.

I’ve been listening to a slob comes clean and reading her blog while feeding my LO and I’m loving it :) Her approach seems to work well with how distracted I get!

I’m slowly catching up with my studying, although it’s been tough as LO is teething and needing me for most of the evening. I’ve been reading bits for it while I feed her which is helping! I also finally got the ball rolling on some branding for the business I’m starting when I finish my course - which I’ve been meaning to do since October! I also spoke to my cleaner who comes twice a week (and I still can’t keep the house tidy!!) and we are going to start doing one day of decluttering/organising instead of a clean. I’ve been beating myself up about the house when I have a cleaner to help, but the problem is the house isn’t really dirty, just untidy! I’m so excited to start that with her next week.

I hear what everyone is saying about not helping everyone else so much when I have my own things to do, and said I couldn’t help on two occasions this week. I do like to help where I can though - I had so much help and support when my ex left and I like to try and return the favour where I can! I can get lonely at home too so it’s nice to get out and have a change of scenery with the little one!

I’ve also moved my LO’s weaning table into the kitchen so I can do bits while she eats which is really helping.

I feel like things are on the up! Just don’t ask about the washing Blush

OP posts:
EllieLucy · 03/12/2021 22:33

You've done amazingly well OP! It's finding the balance with everything. If you're coming to the end of the day/week feeling good about things then I'd say you're well on your way to achieving that balance.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 06/12/2021 05:34

Get a playpen.

The babies love them, they can move around, are very safe and you can get stuff done.

Seriously.

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