Housekeeping with a baby

[Essexmate]

Ok, I know there a millions of women who have gone through this but I need help/advice.

I just cannot keep on top of any housework since we had DD2. I gave us leeway when she was newborn but she is 4 mnths old now! I must admit I’m pretty lazy too so will describe my day so you can tell me where I’m going wrong!

She’s going through a phase so will only contact nap/sleep so I go to bed at 8.30/9pm and DH has her. Then she has me up until 6am, so no sleep for me between usually 12/1-6. I take DD1 to school and hubby leaves for work. During the day I’m looking after baby or she’s napping on me. Impossible to clean once DD1 is home. DH is home around 6pm so I try to have dinner ready for this time otherwise too late for DD1. Dinner finished and bedtime routine starts at 7/7.30pm. Weekends seem to be jam packed with food shop/DD activities/the baby etc and everything is piling up. It’s SO embarrassing I can’t even invite everyone round.

Ok, hit me with it!

Get a cleaner even if it's once a fortnight. We have a cleaner and was going to stop when I went on maternity leave but like you after the first few months things just pilled up so we kept her. We have her once a fortnight and she bleaches everything hoovers etc. during the week when baby will go down for a nap I go over things. My partner does bed time so while he does this I put some washing away or hoover downstairs what ever is desperate to be done. I also find an hour of tv helps so I can load the dishwasher put some washing on etc I don't like to do anymore than that ideally. Also clean as you go when cooking. If your DD1 is able get them to put all there toys away before bed. Xx

Sounds pretty normal really.
You could get a cleaner or wear her in a sling while she sleeps to get something done.
She will start sleeping better soon.
One option would be for you and DH to set a timer for 15 mins and get done what you can in that time. He should also be helping when he gets home from work.

If you are only having 4h sleep a night I wouldn’t call myself lazy. Sounds like partner comes home then dinner then kids bedtime then takes over the baby 830. Can you take turns on weekend so you get more of a lay in and then one of you can spend an hour getting through bigger jobs to make the house better?

Are you going food shopping at weekend? I’d stop that at do online and get it delivered much less stressful and you can add to it in the week when you are stuck under the baby.

No one is expecting show home with a 4m old baby anyone comments they are free to crack on and help!

That's real life, not lazy. Get a cleaner or just let it slide.

I let my cleaner go when dts turned up because I guarantee actually being out of the house when they arrived and there was just stuff everywhere, looking back I would have had the cleaners just to tidy.

I used to sit mine in a baby chair and talk to them while I did housework around tbem,
Is it possible for you to take the baby food shopping with you during the week? If not, a supermarket delivery would free up some of your weekend.

I would get a cleaner every fortnight. In between, I would put the baby in a sling and get things done... at least during one of her naps.

Definitely get a food delivery! You’re shopping is done in seconds then! I put mine in a sling or bouncy chair whilst I was doing stuff. I would also keep trying to put them down once asleep or just before. I know it’s really tough but it’s easier to do now than later. Mine were then doing 10-12hrs a night straight through. Once they’re over 5kg they don’t need a night feed.

Jeez OP. If you are awake between 12am and 6am you aren't lazy.
It is a blinking miracle you are functioning at all.

I would put my effort into trying to get baby to sleep semi-sensibly because I don't see how you can function without more sleep longer term.

Don’t beat yourself up, firstly.

Is your OH pulling their weight? Is your older child old enough for chores, even the very basics like fetching the washing, putting toys away, making the bed can be their responsibility from early on. A bit older and they can help with washing up, dishwasher, vacuum, mop etc in their turn.

Are you saying your baby doesn’t sleep between midnight and 6am? I’d start there if possible, rearrange sleeping arrangements if necessary. You all need some more rest before tackling the housework.

I’d be keeping the baby downstairs with me until my bedtime so I could have an evening, or work towards that goal anyway. I’d try using the carrier for contact napping.

Can you set aside a half day on a day when noones at work and divide and conquer with the DC, one on DC duty one on housework duty?

Or yes, a cleaner.

Chat with baby while you do basic stuff. You are definitely not lazy, on only 4 hours sleep, it is impossible to get anything done on that little sleep. DH can be in charge of vacuuming and can do it at the weekend. If you don’t want to do online shopping, one of you (DH) goes on a weekday after older child goes to sleep, other looks after baby. Extra’s he picks up on his way from work- milk etc. Maybe plenty of fresh air during the day to encourage baby to sleep through- bonus is that house stays tidy, maybe an early evening walk while older child scoots etc. Make meals that you can eat the second day so don’t need to cook twice or can go in freezer and just need reheating. Meal plan so you don’t need to cook everything from scratch every day. Try to own less stuff or have less stuff out so it’s easier to clean. Lower standards. Get a cleaner if you can.

Cleaner. Forego other stuff if you can’t afford it! Agree with others that this all sounds totally normal and you are NOT lazy.

If baby is awake 12-6am I bet they are sleeping 8pm soon as you go to bed so DP is less catering for baby than letting them sleep. So time for few jobs there if he was single he still have come home and do basics he doesn’t have cook as you do it ready so has some chores time.

Is there a reason your husband is unable to clean?

Honestly I think you’re expectations are too high given you’re functioning on 4 hours sleep a night and baby isn’t napping on their own yet! Everything I manage to achieve is done during nap time whilst baby is in their cot (they’re older so can be in their own room).