I'm really struggling to do everything,

[CloudAtlas]

OH comes home from a long day at work, and the place is not tidy, well generally either the living room and dining room are nice and the kitchen's a tip, or the other way around. He likes things tidy, and I don't blame him. I cook a meal from scratch every night, and struggle to start cooking it before dc have gone to bed. My time during the day is taken up looking after dc, 2.1 and 11 months so pretty busy. I take the children to an activity every day except Thursday but was thinking about doing one on Thursday too, as it's such a lot easier going out than staying in. If I need to go to the shops, or have any other arrangements then the afternoon is practically gone. DC have lunch at 12, have a sleep for an hour and a half at about 1 ish and dinner at 5, and go to bed at 7, dh comes home any time between 7:30 and 9:30 and we eat together then. he normally has to wait for his dinner, but although the food is late and he doesn't like that, but it is good, so he copes.
When dc are in bed in the afternoon, I try to grab a nap as am normally knackered; not going to bed early enough, and dc not sleeping well enough. I have had cleaners ( I get through them quite quickly as they have been pretty rubbish so far, managed about 8 last year! . Can't stand them being here as well. I suppose I need to get my head around the idea that even if I have to go around after them, it's better than nothing, rather than expecting them to do a perfect job.
I send OHs shirts out to be ironed, but can't find time to iron the rest of the laundry, and the washing I do seems endless. As soon as dc are in bed at 7, I end up sitting on here for , well, it's been nearly an hour now, which I justify because I am absolutely knackered. Please please help me! How can I get through all the housework?

You cant do everything. The little ones are the most important. My friends say a slow cooker helps them.

It must be nice to be organised with well presented well adjusted children and still managing to be beautifully turned out and fulfilled etc with a contented husdand and tidy garage but back in my world - the house gets untidy,husbabd has late meals and last night for the first time, my 2.5 ds went to bed bathless with gravy on his chin. oh, I also forgot to give my 4 mth old ds his antibiotic.I have yet to forgive myself.

I am going to try the fly lady thing after xmas - if you fancy giving it a whirl.

I don't think you should put that much pressure on yourself to do everything! I probably do the opposite - all the household stuff but none of the cooking! so it sounds like your dh gets quite a good deal.

maybe you could compromise your standards on having a meal cooked from scratch every night.a couple of nights you could get something easy to cook and do the ironing or whatever other chore it is that needs doing.

Am thinking that a good idea is cooking for the freezer, and then a couple of times a week I can pull out something fab with no effort, I try to meal plan, but finding the time is a struggle. I have just put a home made fish pie in the microwave to defrost after posting the thread btw. I think one of the thigs which adds a LOT of stress to my life is a lovely lovely veg box which franckly right now just makes me feel guilty. I am off to cancel it NOW.
I see some people manage it, and I do OK really, but I feel like I am constamtly fire fighting. I want to be agoddess

would like to do the fly thing sleepdepri, have had a go before, but again can't seem to find time. Also, I do spend too much time on here!

yeah i agree with the trying to be a perfect goddess thing, also agree with the veg box saga - we have one and i haven't got a clue what to do with beetroot!very guilt inducing

good idea about freezing stuff - just make a huge chilli/bolognaise etc and freeze half - they are infact the only two things i can cook -lucky dh

Hi CloudAtlas. I started a post to you then dh rang (he's away atm) and I had to make the dcs beds and then I lost my post so that I could refresh the thread. My advice to you based on my experience as I really can relate to your op.

1. Be kind to yourself. You're doing lots and you are not Superwoman, none of us are, we're just trying our best.

2. I agree with alliwant4xmas, compromise a bit on the cooking. Try it from now to the end of Jan. If you give yourself a deadline (i.e. permission to go back to normal as it can feel very alien) then it won't feel so bad whilst you're doing it.

3. In order to devote my (very limited) spare time to finding an au pair, I've barely been on MN for a month or two. Limit yourself to a glance through the active convos, really enjoy the weekly roundup and the newsletter from MNHQ. Use one thread to help you improve things, maybe the FLY thread, they helped me, so long as you keep your posts short so they're not too time consuming. Put the timer on for half an hour and reward yourself with the other half an hour by going to bed 30 mins earlier.

4. Try meal planning in a backwards fashion! Write down what you had today, yesterday and the day before. Then you can choose tomorrow's and hopefully you'll get into the swing of it that way. I tend to think of what I can make with the time I have i.e. if the kids are having a nap, make a casserole and prepare the veg and put them in cold water. Reward yourself by watching something on the tv at the same time if you have a tv in the kitchen. Good food doesn't have to take too long to prepare esp if you bring your expectations down a bit. I like grilling stuff as I ask dh to let me know if he's going to be late and that way it cooks quickly when it is needed and doesn't spoil if he's late because it is waiting to be grilled. A nice sauce to go with it makes a big difference (I always forget the sauce until it is too late!)

Right. I've been on here longer than I should have been so I'd better take my own advice and clear off! I hope none of the above sounds too preachy. Believe me, I'm still finding my way. Oh, two last tips. Let go of perfection. It hinders, not helps. Ask for "Time management for manic mums" by Allison Mitchell in the library. Good luck!

I have 2 dc. Ds1 is 2.8 and ds2 is 2months.
I try to keep on top of things as dh, and me, like a tidy house in the eve and I cook from scratch pretty much every day too.
Some things that help me;
Meal plan and then Tesco delivery for all groceries.
Slow cooker for days when I'm going to be out for a long time. I love slow cookers as I have more energy and time in the morning (ds1 is more cheerful and easily entertained with some colouring books etc) and there's hardly any washing up after dinner plus lovely food too!
Quick meals for other days.
Cbeebies late afternoon
Staying out for most of the day helps to keep the place tidy too!
Ds is at nursery 2 mornings a week and that gives me time to catch up with laundry and ironing.
I'm managing quite well at the moment but I'm sure things are going to have to change as ds2 becomes older and more demanding of attention
Please don't put too much pressure on yourself as you will have bad days. OH needs to understand that and help out if needed.

Oh dear, I know just how you feel.

When you look at the whole picture it can all seem too much and you don't know where to start. So take it apart. Concentrate on one room, say the bathroom. Start by cleaning the bath, then move onto the sink and then the toilet. Then have a cup of tea. If you do no other cleaning that day, at least you know that your bathroom is clean.

Next day do the living room. Clear the clutter off the floor and vacuum. Then put some washing in whilst having a cup of tea.

Small steps is the key. Work on one corner of the room and spread out. If it's a real mess, then just start on that particular corner. Don't do anything else until that one corner is clean, then do the other corner. Don't get sidetracked or you'll end up leaving your corner half done and trying to do another part of the room. It's better to have one part of the room done, than 2 parts half done.

Hope some of this helps!

So, this morning, house still untidy, mother in law wants to see the kids and complains how long its been since she last sawthem, even though she never comes here.

I have ironed and put some washing on. And now I am having an early lunch whilst doing this - Oh I have also bought my timer for when I become the fly lady - have you got one cloudy?

a timer? Ooooh, hadn't thought of that. Have anormal kitchen timer, but it's not very accurate, expect it will do though.

Mine was only a cheap one - I'm going to time myself having a brew and eating biscuites after ds1 nursery run - see how many biscuites I can get through in 15 mins whilst I stress about where to start next!

It's such a big shift to think about things in time slots rather than as jobs iyswim, e.g. I ironed for an hour this morning, rather than 'doing the ironing' which I would have felt bad about not finishing. So much more sensible spending an hour doing something, or like now 15 mins on mn!! Today has been much better.
DC in bed at 7:30, bit too late, but hey. I started a quick vege chilli and potatoe wedges immediately which was ready in 45 mins. Then whilst it was cooking, I watched tv and sorted a pile of laundry. OH late home and we ate immediately, now I'm having my mn time, and in a while will watch tv whilst writing Christmas cards, and be in bed by 10:45 I hope.
How are you doing sleepdepri?

p.s. Simply, thanks so much, your post was not in the least bit preachy, and lots of fab ideas. Thank you.