How is housework divided in your household?

[theroux21]

Myself and DH are constantly at each other’s throats about housework. On recent reflection, I’m worried I might be expecting too much of him. So I’m interested in others thoughts and what happens in your households.

We have a 9 m/o. DH works full time (8:00-4:30/5:00, 5 days a week). He is an electrician. I stay at home with DS. I do an OU degree which is around 32-36hrs a week.

I do the laundry (wash, dry and fold) and all cooking/making of meals. DH does dishes at least once a fortnight - I do them the rest of the time. DH is responsible for bins on collection days (every fortnight). I scrub the bathroom, loo and kitchen once a week. I hoover as and when needed and tidy away toys etc in evenings. We take it in turns taking the dog for a walk. Recently he’s started helping me do a quick 30 min tidy of downstairs on Saturday mornings before we get on with the weekend (which I really appreciate!)

However, I feel we should be doing dishes in turn. I also feel he should be putting his own washing in the basket, putting his shoes away and tidying up the messes he creates - and just doing more in the house in general.

I am torn between the fact he goes out to work full time and is the main earner and that I’m exhausted too after being with DS all day and that we should be equal. Going out to work full time is exhausting and I probably forget just how exhausting. When he comes home, he showers, gets changed, plays with DS for a bit and then sits on the sofa for the rest of the evening, gives DS final bottle which puts him to sleep, before I take DS upstairs and get on with stuff.

I should also add that I have ME and he’s got arthritis so between us we are exhausted&in pain which isn’t helping.

Would really appreciate brutally honest thoughts. Thanks!

However, I feel we should be doing dishes in turn. I also feel he should be putting his own washing in the basket, putting his shoes away and tidying up the messes he creates - and just doing more in the house in general.

^ he should 100% be doing this. Confused as to what grown adult doesn’t put his washing in the basket etc? Does he actually expect you to walk around the house and pick up his dirty clothes off the floor?! Shocked by this!

My "partner" is my ex: we're divorced but live and co-parent together.

I do laundry, our son and my bedding and beds (not his), cook dinner, clean bathrooms (he cleans his own). I also sort out all bills, admin, etc. I drive; he does not, but we don't travel that much, and if I do, it's usually alone.

He vacuums and mops floors, does the bins, clears up after dinner and stacks/puts on the dishwasher, irons our son's uniform each morning and unloads the dishwasher.

My overall feeling is - he's taking the piss. And as to leaving his clothes strewn about?? That is taking the fucking biscuit.

Or maybe my husband is extremely considerate and kind (which he is). When I was at home with my first son and my DH was main breadwinner - the unspoken 'rule' was that whoever cooked - the other person would wash up/clean up kitchen. Always.

Your 'job' if you like - can be hard - and it's an important one - you're caring for a 9 month old who may be mobile and into everything. It's not like you're sat around on your arse all day.

My DH is disabled by a stroke. He hoovers all of downstairs (albeit slowly and very carefully), he puts his own washing in the basket and he puts the recycling out in the separate bins. He also waters the plants. I do everything else and that's fine by me. I'm huge appreciative of his being able to do anything at all given how affected he has been physically.

DH does the cooking, food shopping, meal planning and dish washer, I do the rest.
He works FT from home, I work full time in an office.
2 DC now YA.

Works for us since 1988.

Dh works full time in a stressful job. I am part time and my work is partly sporadic (supply teacher). My dc are teenagers.

I do the vast majority of the housework, but dh is tidier than me by nature and doesn't leave stuff around. He loves cooking, so does so at the weekend and on the occasional weekday when he's home early enough. He's i/c all gardening, diy and putting the bins out. If I were having a particularly busy week and asked him to do some housework he would happily do so. Dc help with some jobs.

We've been married for 18 years and I don't think we've ever had a disagreement about the sharing of workload/housework. I definitely have an easier life than he does- I wouldn't swap!

However, I feel we should be doing dishes in turn. I also feel he should be putting his own washing in the basket, putting his shoes away and tidying up the messes he creates - and just doing more in the house in general

Is he a grown man or a child? Actually scrap that! My dc put their shoes away and put their washing in the basket.

Stop mothering him. If his clothes aren’t in the basket don’t wash them!

Dh and I both work 13 hour days 5 days a week. We both do bits as and when. We loosely follow TOMM but not properly.

We are both adults!

You are home so possibly should do more than him but he needs to contribute! A minimum of washing up and doing his laundry!

My 2 year old manages to put away her shoes and put her washing in basket.