How much housework do you do, really?

[BlueLobelia]

i just feel overwhelmed.

I will start by saying that we have a large house, and I have a DH and a DS who are essentially hoarders. In addition, DH is fucking filthy, and genuinely does not see mess. A few years back (for example) I was abroad for work. I came back and he had dropped a tin of fucking cat food on the kitchen floor and just left it there.

Last year i gave up a day at work for no other reason but I was unable to keep on top of the housework. I largely work from home most of the other days (but this will change).

I do;

Morning before work
-downstairs- 30 minutes tidying.
-upstgairs- 20 minutes tidying

after lunch
-tidy kitchen- 10 minutes and a bit of an extra clean

evening

• after dinner- clean kitchen - maybe 20 minutes

-quick 10 - 15 minute tidy of rooms, kitty litter trays and play room.

I think this should make our house spotless, but it does not. Our house is cluttered, smelly and covered in dog hair. We have a cleaner who comes once a week. I am trying with TOMM. But by the time I do my regular maintenance clean i cannot devote 30 minutes to a room.

And yes, yes I know my DH needs to step up to the fucking plate, but he simply will not because he does not value cleanliness at all, so just could not give a fucking shit. I am not asking for coments about DH's pain in the arsedness, but for a general and realistic idea about how much cleaning people really and truly do.

Thanks.

My cleaning is hit and miss, bathroom and kitchen done regularly but the rest is more when it looks like it needs doing or if someone is coming over. I hate cleaning so avoid it at all costs.

Thanks. :) I appreciate your response.

(I am feeling a bit frustrated, if that were not obvious).

You can't clean clutter you just have to get rid of it 🙁 sounds like you're already doing plenty plus you've got a cleaner so it should be sparkling and I'm guessing that the reason that it's not sparkling is because of the clutter

That sounds like an impossible task OP. It's very difficult keeping a house in order if you're the only one doing the cleaning and other people making an awful mess.

All I can suggest is go room by room and de clutter. Once you have de cluttered a room. Clean it fully. Then spend 5 mins in there everyday to keep on top of it. Rinse and repeat for the whole house.

I do around 2 hours of house stuff a day.

My cleaner does 3 hours a week. I live in an average 3 bed home. I spend at least an hour a day on chores but that would include washing as well as cleaning. And my husband is 100% responsible for kitchen and one bedroom (as well as all outside tasks) so I have one bathroom, 2 bedrooms, living room and hallways. I do have two young kids though so they're forces for destruction who only lately have grasped rubbish goes in bin and plates etc in dishwasher.

I live alone, one cat who doesn't shed much
I try and do 20-30 mins a day and none at the weekends but it depends on work!
Today I've done nothing, will wash up after work and that's it as nothing else really needs doing

I do a full house once over once a week, takes about 3 hours (3 bed house). I've 3 dc

Weekly: I wipe down skirting and doors
Clean interior windows and sills
Bathroom
Clean fridges
Change beds
Mop kitchen, bathroom and utility
Full house hoover (though I don't move furniture), I get under it if I can

Daily: is laundry, load/unload dishwasher, Hoover every other day, empty bin usually every other day, clean kitchen after cooking, tidy as I go generally. Maybe an hour and a half max, probably nearer an hour a day

Hope you get a resolve op. If it's causing you upset,

Do very limited amount of cleaning most of the week as I hate it.
I tend to do a quick hoover downstairs when anyone visits, otherwise it could be 2 weeks between a hoover.
Kitchen floor ought to be washed more often but I tend to hoover it then ignore it.
I clean the downstairs toilet and ensuite regularly as they’re the ones I use.
Avoid the main bathroom as DH and DS use that but if we have guests, (thank goodness for Covid!) I end up giving it a major clean as DH doesn’t even wipe out the sink and it’s full of toothpaste smears.
DH never uses the hoover but he will wash dishes and tidy up.
Skirting boards only if they look really grubby so once or twice a year maybe?

I know you don't want to hear about DH's behaviour but it is impossible not to say: if he doesn't value a clean house, that is one thing (although I suspect he wouldn't actually want to live in squalor, he just knows you will do it)

But if you have explained to him how miserable and stressed and unhappy you are, and he still won't do anything, then he doesn't value you.

That's the brutal truth.

If he knows you are miserable but yet will not follow a fairly basic list of responsibilities, then he just doesn't give shit about you or your happiness.
Barring major physical difficulties, he can learn to wash up, tidy up, take bins out, put things back in cupboards. And if he cares at all, he should do that

But to how much - the usual post cooking stuff like putting washing machine on, unloading it, wiping worktops down. I'd count that more as cooking than cleaning.

Then otherwise - 15mins a day? A few bits and pieces to pick up around the house like junkmail/parcel packaging, recycling to go out, food waste to take to compost bin. Usually spray the shower just after using it. Hang up some laundry on the airer.

Cleaner once a week for bigger proper cleaning. Plus maybe 45mins at the weekend for catching up with folding laundry/putting it away, changing beds.

Vacuuming - robovac does lounge, playroom/study & hall daily (overnight) on a programmed schedule. I then set it off in the kitchen & conservatory 2 or 3 times a week and upstairs once a week. Stairs get done every couple of weeks when I can be bothered or get a dc to do them.

Washing hard floors - robomop once or twice a week.

General dusting / surfaces - tend to do downstairs on a Friday morning, about 15 mins.

Kitchen - wipe down surfaces as I'm going along, after cooking etc. Wouldn't say it takes long, just part of the general tidy up. Clean the cupboard doors (never didn't this until I recently had a kitchen refit - painted shaker doors, what I wanted and I love them but I wouldn't have them again), sinks, tile backsplash etc on Friday morning - about 30 mins.

Downstairs loo & ensuite - again on a Friday morning - about 15 mins.
Main bathroom periodically, mostly get a dc to do it.

We have a cleaner for 3 hours a week and do very little cleaning other than what she does - quick wipe down of surfaces / hob etc when cooking, wipe the bathroom sink after brushing teeth, etc. Maybe 10 mins a day and DH similar. Obviously there are other tasks like laundry, dishwasher but for actual cleaning I think an hour and a half a day is a lot and if it’s not making a dent I can see why you are frustrated.

It’s funny how there’s no TODM, isn’t it.

Did you really give up a day to do the cleaning when it’s your DH who drops fucking cat food on the floor? So you’re sacrificing 1/5 of your salary, 1/5 of your pension, to pick up after the filthy scuzzard?

Anyway. I do, er… DP and I do equal amounts of laundry (loads, 2yo DD is Pig Pen). Neither of us put anything away because no time so there’s piles of clothes everywhere. Equal responsibility for dishwasher loading/emptying. I do more hand washing up; DP does more “cleaning the filter.”

I make sure everything’s washed up and kitchen surfaces are clutter-free and wiped each evening, so a few minutes a night? Occasionally I half-heartedly wipe the bathroom. Haven’t dusted in months; go on mad dusting sprees then close my eyes to it. Hoover… sporadically.

But I do tidy constantly and couldn’t put a time amount on it; I’m very much a “see the item, pick it up and take it with you on your way to its home, see other tasks along the way, do it as you go” person. (Except for laundry.) (And dust.)

Hoover downstairs daily and upstairs once a week, wipe down kitchen and do laundry everyday, loos once a week, bedrooms and reception rooms every week- week and a half, BUT I am a stickler for clear floors and make the kids pick up after themselves so it looks tidy.

I loosely follow Team Tomm when I'm on it. It really does work and I feel a lot better when I do. The more you do it, the easier it gets and the faster you become. I have bad weeks like every one else and there are times when the house only gets done once a month.
Team Tomm only works if your house is tidy. That's why she suggest you do a blitz and clear all the clutter away before you start the cleaning schedule.
I have taught my son to be tidy, which he is most of the time, and I don't let him get away with a bad job, if he doesn't do it right he gets called back until it is right!
My son, changes his bed when I tell him it's time, he keeps his own room clean, irons and puts his own clothes away empties the dishwasher every day and hoovers the whole house once a week. He also bakes when he wants and cooks us one meal a week.
DH loads the dishwasher every Day, sorts out the bins, deep cleans the bathroom once a week and helps me change our bed. He does his own ironing and puts his clothes away.
The kitchen tops get wiped down several times everyday. A load of washing goes on everyday. I make sure that the downstairs is tidy before I go to bed so that when I start in the morning I can quite literally just clean.
All in all I guess we do about an hour everyday, Monday to Friday and just keep the kitchen clean on a weekend.

I know different people have different priorities, but if my DH was messy as yours, everything would be dumped in a place important to him and we'd be in separate beds until he pulled his weight. I certainly would not be doing any of his washing or even feeding him if he couldn't do the basics of tidying up after himself. That is so unattractive!

About 20 hours a week, although I like a really tidy and clean house, although I've not been at home for a few days and it's out of hand again.m. I think I must be slow tbh. House is on the larger size, plus 3 dc. 2 dogs and 2 cats.

Routine is the only way I can keep on top of it.
I always do kitchen, living room and downstairs toilet on a Monday. Tuesday I do upstairs and change beds.
I do all washing Monday and Tuesday as I prefer to get it all put away together.
I do a deep clean of a room on an 8 week cycle every Sunday.

I'm the oblivious one.
Well, not really, but DH might describe me as such.
I could say he's good at not seeing some filth.
I do rather little housework. Maybe 1 hr/week typically.

I know you said that you don't want comments on your DH but it is clear that this is impacting your quality of life and I feel strongly that your DH should care that is in infringing on your life and causing stress. I agree with @MojoMoon regarding the complete lack of respect that your husband clearly has for you and your home. To be frank, if you have had honest conversations with your DH about your desire to live in a clean home and he still isn't stepping up then I would probably just throw away anything of his that he left out. It will be impossible to have a clean home if he is hoarding and not tidying his clutter.

We have cleaner every fortnight, and they do a deep clean but we also clean daily.

Daily cleaning:
Morning: I put on a load of laundry every morning and unload the dishwasher. I hang laundry or put in tumble dryer (I put one load of laundry on per week day, DH does his on the weekend).

Afternoon: Kitchen counters are cleaned with soap and water after each meal, and I wipe down Kettle, coffee maker when needed. Dishes are put in dishwasher after each meal to keep sink and counter clean. Floors are swept after DC eat and then once more before bed. Toys are picked up during nap times and again once DC goes to sleep for the night (DC just turned one but helps put toys away and will "help" sweep floors and load laundry). Put dry laundry away.

Evening: DH does dishes and cleans kitchen after dinner, while I put toys away and wipe down bathrooms and tidy up anything of mine that has been left out during the day and DH will pick up anything of his from around the house, we both clean up DC things. The evening clean up takes about 15 minutes and we do it right after putting DC to sleep and before we watch tv, read, etc.

Once per week: Floors are mopped, bedding changed and I clean glass, mirrors and indoor windows. Rubbish is emptied every two days and I wipe down kitchen cupboards, microwave, etc once per week. I also wipe down the inside of the fridge/freezer once per week before weekly shop.

DH is very tidy, I never have to ask him to pick up after himself. He does his own laundry and helps keep DC things clean and put away too. Things can occasionally get a bit messy but we are fairly minimalist, we go through our house once per month (very quickly, taking about 2 minutes per room) to declutter anything that isn't being used or needed anymore and we donate those items. Our main house is always tidy (we keep a small number of toys in the main sitting rooms for kids but those can by tidied away in under 60 seconds). Our bedroom can get messier during the week as we just spend less time in there but we are making an effort to tidy it with our evening clean.

DH and spend around 30 minutes cleaning per day.

Thanks all. A range here but clearly my general sort of time is by no means unusual. I am decluttering at the rate of one charity shop bag a day, more or less.

I don't do much. A couple of hours on a weekend has the whole house clean. I probably do about 30 mins a day of general tidying up after ourselves, hoover downstairs etc.

But, we don't have pets for a start. Plus, DH and I are on the same page. He tidies up after himself as do I. We have absolutely no clutter and do not let clutter gather.

I know you don't want to hear it, but you are swimming against the tide trying to have a tidy house with someone who actively doesn't tidy up after themselves.

The clutter is stopping you 100%. Would your lazy DH let you Chuck it out. Otherwise you aren’t going to get anywhere. If you are doing 1 bin bag a day why it 2. Hoarders often won’t let you touch their stuff and make endless promises that they will sort it.

My DF house (single man for over 40 years) was a complete disgrace. He wouldn’t do anything. Just moved from room to room until you couldn’t get through the front door.

It cost £££ to clear and the professional clearance company said his wasn’t the worst they had seen. I think some people are bone idle, they don’t see it and eventually just get used to it. You couldn’t invite anyone around but that was OK, my DF just imposed himself on others.

It’s the clutter that’s causing you the issue.
My sister recently went mad and decluttered her whole house. When I went round there, it looked amazing.
Where there were shelves of crap, and windowsills with bits and bobs, are now cleared and instead there’s a lovely plant, picture frame or ornament.
I’m so inspired as my issue is clutter too. Not a huge amount but enough that it’s getting a bit stressful.

I manage to keep on top of the following (which I call the perpetuals...): Tidying; Dishes/dishwasher; Laundry; Bins; kitchen surfaces; spot clean; very basic loo/sink clean. I've trained myself to do this almost compulsively as this definitely hasn't always been the case - I will (within reason) stop what I am doing to deal with any of these/delay what I really want to do until they are done. DH does these jobs too but I do the bulk as I work less hours. DC do some too.

I'm definitely not there with anything beyond that. I do all the 'frequent' jobs no where near as frequently as they should be done - so full clean of bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting all get left twice+ as long as I think they should do really. Similar situation with the deep cleaning.

I'm a teacher and I have pretty much dedicated the summer (older teenagers doing their own thing/not going on holiday this year) finishing off the last of the organisation (which I enjoy - but we have way too much stuff (I'm not blameless but DH and DC like their tech and music...e.g. I needed almost 200 cable ties to deal with the cables that aren't currently being used...) and doing a deep clean.

I'm hoping to start the academic year with some kind of housework system beyond the perpetuals. Not there yet! Organisation almost finished but it has definitely just highlighted that a bit more decluttering wouldn't go amiss despite having enough room to store it in a well organised way. I've started doing that now - hoping that when it is done I will be able to do 15-60 mins of housework (beyond perpetuals) each day and keep on top of it. Maybe?

No dc. 2 bed. Our house is very tidy apparently. The biggest thing is keeping clutter free for me.

Daily - kitchen/ sweep kitchen floor/ wipe bathroom sink down when needed
Weekly- vacuum carpets, full bathroom clean, dusting, change bedding.
Monthly - windows, skirting etc.

Tidy as we go, so only cleaning to do on a weekend- not tidying per se.

If I had kids I imagine I'd need a cleaner.