boyfriend not helping me with housework

[shannon789]

Me and my boyfriend have a 2 year old daughter and have our own house, we both work he works full time and i work part time, i am always doing the house work and cooking the dinner and sorting our daughter out for bed time, now if i ask him to actually give me a hand with the house work all i get thrown at me is he works more than me and all that which i obviously appreciate but what he doesn't understand is my working day doesn't end when i get in from work as i have all the responsibilities of the house and our daughter where as his does, he'll go to sleep or watch football or go on the play station and just watch me do everything which frustrates the life out of me! what can i do or say as nothing i do say seems to actually register in his brain

He's an arsehole. Why are you with him?

Decent people know that childcare is work, just because it isn't paid doesn't mean you aren't working.

Decent people know that in a partnership both partners should have equal leisure time and equal access to financial resources.

Decent people know that fathers don't "help with" housework and childcare tasks they do their fair share (which might possibly be agreed as less than half depending on circumstances) but they aren't helping because the use of that word implies that these tasks are properly the job of the mother and anything the father does is a kindness rather than a duty.

Your bloke is clearly not a decent person.

It may not actually be possible to do anything about that though.

As above he’s not doing his fair share.

There’s household chores and child care which should be split. Yes you have less job related hours so will do slightly more but not all chores and child care.

Personally I’d sit down and explain this to him. If he chooses to still be a lazy arse I’d go on strike as far as his needs so I wouldn’t be cooking, food shopping or laundry for him. As for picking up after him I’d just chuck anything of his left out in a basket/box. Also at weekends I’d hand over daughter on one of the days and say I’m going out it’s his turn to parent.

He’s not a child he’s an adult so should be able to look after his own needs even doing the above is not his fair share.

Do not have another child with him until this is sorted.

What would he be doing if he lived alone? Start with that. Don't do his washing or cook his meals. If he whinges, tell him you are too busy.
And stop with the word 'helping'. He is not helping you because it is not your job to clean up etc. Having a child did not mean you also became responsible for cleaning and feeding the father.
He is a father 24/7.

Men not doing their fair share of house work is a form of domestic abuse.

Stop now, sit him down and explain that working full time does not give him a free pass to do nothing to contribute to his home and bringing up his child.

If he refuses to listen then make plans to leave. Otherwise you will have a lifetime of misery and servitude.

Stop using the word 'helping'.

It's not your job and by asking him to help you're implying that you think it is.

Talk to him first but I would also stop doing things for him. Don't do his washing for a start - he's a grown man - he should be doing that anyway.
It's high time he started pulling his weight.

The problem is the work helping.
You both live in the house, so you should both be doing housework.

The same with the childcare. You are both parents, so you both do the childcare.

What would it be like if you both had full-time jobs, or if you were full-time and he was part-time?

You need to split the tasks so that you both do your share.

word not work

Does he do anything with his daughter? What about days he doesn't work?