Help me with a routine before I lose it!

[Scotabroad24]

We (me, DH, 6wk old baby and dog) have just moved into our very first owned house! Before this we always lived in small flats.

I'm finding it really hard to keep on top of the daily and deep cleaning, it really affects my mental health when the house isn't clean and organised. The house is a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom and quite open plan downstairs.

I'm on maternity leave til May só feel like there's no reason I shouldn't be able to keep on top of it all! Struggling with the thought of going back to work full time and living in a complete dump.
DH works 6 days a week 13/14hrs a day so doesn't have much time to help.

How does everyone do it?! Is there a secret I'm missing? Can anyone share their routines with me? Am I going to drown under this huge pile of laundry? Help

I am also in a 3 bed, 3 bath house. I follow TOMM (The Organised Mum Method) but have tweaked it. She does her bathrooms daily which I could never do (!!!) So instead I do them on a Wednesday, and do halls and stairs on a Monday with the living room.

The secret you’re missing is a partner who doesn’t work such long hours and pulls their weight more. Sorry!

Why does he work 6 days a week so many hours? Is it worth it financially? Or is it “just the way it is”? (If the latter, it’s time for a reassessment of loyalties).

As you don’t have a partner pulling their weight right now your options are 1) lower standards - sounds like this will be hard for you psychologically? -or 2) buy in help (get a cleaner).

I wasn’t clear enough - with a baby under 1 you’re not failing/missing a trick/not in on the secret. The expectation that you have for yourself is unrealistic. All the routines in the world from other people won’t solve that. It’s OK to not be on top of this stuff.

You gave birth 6 weeks ago. Baby is in the fourth trimester! Just go with the 'flow'.

Your house will not be tidy for the next 20 years I'm afraid....

You have a teeny baby. Trying to cram in a routine now will just send you over the edge. We'll it would have done me. 6 weeks was just when pnd was setting in for me and housework was the last thing in my mind. Shame DH can't help but for now just do the bare minimum. Maybe when baby is a little older you can try TOMM, I am doing a version of it. Am like you only ever had two rooms and moved into a 3 storey house a few months ago.

Wow I've got a 3 month old and definitely not on top of things at the moment but accepting it is what it is while she is still so young. Your wee one is only 6weeks old so please don't be so hard on yourself.

I'd recommend TOMM too. I have the app and use it as a guide each day and as much as I want to tick everything off the lists it just isn't always possible.

Every mum is reading your post thinking, "cut yourself some slack, you have a 6-week-old baby".

But, since you asked, here are my tips:

• on your phone make a list of tasks that have to get done, daily, weekly, monthly, less often. You can rip off a list from the internet and adapt it to save time. Everyone has their own ideas about minimum standards, work out what yours are and agree with DP.

• get used to multi-tasking. Can you put the baby in the sling? Or carry a baby mat around with a few toys so the baby can play while you clean?

• work out which big jobs cannot be done with a baby in tow. For me, that is anything with spray cleaning products or toilet cleaning, or very big jobs, or jobs where I get very dirty so can't instantly drop everything.

• although it isn't very efficient, learn to divide jobs up into small tasks. It is always better to dust before you vacuum, if you can.

• get decent tools. A good cordless vacuum, about 15 microfiber cloths (they are invaluable), a good long-reach duster, maybe a steam-mop for hard floors.

• declutter, massively. If things have a home, it will be easy to ensure they go back tidily. Less things out means less to dust. Toy clutter is the worst - so train your little one to tidy up, they love helping as toddlers anyway.

• figure out how you can dry laundry most effectively. I found it was easier to peg clothes on airing racks and shove those in the back garden, rather than use a washing line. In winter I use a heated airer.

• have enough clothes for your child so you aren't obliged to do laundry.

• decide whether life is too short for ironing (mine is). If you unload the washing machine promptly and dry clothes outside as much as you can, dry shirts on hangers etc, ironing is completely avoidable.

• work out what bugs you the most, and prioritise that. I cannot stand a messy hallway or a messy kitchen.

I did ALL these things, mind you, and still struggled. In my case having an obsessively clean and tidy DP was both a blessing and a curse, as he helped out a lot but expected perfection. He likes corners scrubbed with toothbrushes, that kind of thing (bonkers!).

Anyway when I went back to work when DD1 was nearly a year old, I went back part time but DP and I still found it immensely difficult to keep fully on top of the chores. We made some compromises. Beds got changed a bit less often. We didn't always cook from scratch. We shopped groceries online. We would sometimes let things get out of hand (eg if there was a busy patch at work, or if DD was poorly) and then have a blitz at the weekend. I found we could get a LOT done in 3 hours with no toddler underfoot so DP took DD out to soft play or the park, or vice versa.

Hmmm just to clarify, I don't mean NEVER do laundry for your child's clothes. I meant, have plenty of clothes so you are never stuck thinking "argh, must wash socks urgently!" This is especially important when you are back as work - having the heating on just to dry socks and vests is a problem I prefer to avoid. You can buy fantastic clothes very cheaply Used on Ebay, so don't be stingy with quantities.

DH may be working 6 days a week, but I imagine you’re working 7 days a week looking after the baby?

I know that doesn’t answer your question, but don’t fall into the trap of housework being just your job... you both live there so you need to find a way of tackling it between you.

Thanks everyone. We live on the Algarve and unfortunately here a full time job is 6 days a week.. the only 'industry' here is tourism so we're lucky DH still has a job

I definitely need to learn to cut myself some slack, I think part of the issue is cleaning is a form of de-stressing for me so by default it seems to affect me when I haven't got anything done. Will definitely look at TOMM method looks like it could work for me by giving a bit of structure and a time limit so I don't spend all day at it!

Cut yourself some slack. The house wont be clean and organised all the time and that's ok too, congratulations op enjoying your baby.