Can anyone help me? My first home and declutter and decor advice needed please!

[LadyInParis]

As above. So it’s my first home, a relatively small apartment in Paris but not too small. When we first moved in I was so happy and clean and tidy and somewhere along the way it got cluttered and messy and just not nice.

I have severe anxiety, bpd and depression, and I have found that I tend to make a clean bed and stay there because the idea of the mess just really ups my anxiety terribly. So I keep a clean tidy bed and stay there. But I miss the days of my cleaning cupboard, and knowing where everything is, and all being so tidy, and being able to actually leave my bed. It affects my mental health so bad.

Does anyone have any tips or advice on any of the following:

*Motivation
*Decluttering (I am prepared to be brutal I’m not a hoarder)
*Simple minimal designs to brighten rooms to look bigger and more spacious, more pretty
*Furniture arrangements
*Organisation
*Any other useful tips

Thank you in advance!

Nikki

For decluttering - Look up Marie Kondo - I wasn’t a fan originally, some things are quite comical too keep it ‘must spark joy’ but actually the method really works. The clothing folding is so simple and effective for example.

For design, it’s quite personal, but Pinterest is where I’d look for ideas and you can pin your own mood board and go from there

Start small. Break the decluttering job down into small chunks. Make it as pleasant as possible to do - listen to nice music, a podcast or audiobook while you're doing it. Work out whether you really need to get rid of a lot of stuff or actually just need to use storage space better and get into better habits of putting things away.

Once you've decluttered/tidied, get a decent, realistic routine in place so that things don't get cluttered and messy again.

leopardspotsdotdotdot

For decluttering - Look up Marie Kondo - I wasn’t a fan originally, some things are quite comical too keep it ‘must spark joy’ but actually the method really works. The clothing folding is so simple and effective for example.

I’m the same I’m trying to get into her and have her saved on Netflix but it’s so happy happy happy and it makes me feel shit that I can’t muster the same motivation so I end up feeling demotivated by it but if she grew on you I’ll give her a real try, perhaps the motivation will rub off! Thank you.

For design, it’s quite personal, but Pinterest is where I’d look for ideas and you can pin your own mood board and go from there

Yea it is personal, I was wondering more sort of light tones for brightness etc, but I have some ideas and as you said it’s personal so I’ll have to make my own design! Thank you for the advice Mood board is an amazing idea!!!!!! Love it thanks! Could also use as a progression board to see how far I am getting which can help motivation too. It’s depression that I’m struggling with, so that will help it’s great advice!!

lazylinguist

Start small. Break the decluttering job down into small chunks. Make it as pleasant as possible to do - listen to nice music, a podcast or audiobook while you're doing it. Work out whether you really need to get rid of a lot of stuff or actually just need to use storage space better and get into better habits of putting things away.

I love the podcast or story idea, that’s great thanks! And good point about throwing things versus better storage. I don’t think there’s much to actually throw I just need to find better ways to store it so thank you!!

Once you've decluttered/tidied, get a decent, realistic routine in place so that things don't get cluttered and messy again.

Yes I agree with this. It was amazing at first when it was all shiny and new but my mental health took a battering and it went from a tiny amount of daily cleaning and lovely home, to what it is now which seems so huge! But once it’s all done I think even with the depression I can manage the small amount of cleaning required to keep on top of it. A good routine and perhaps a list is a great idea and might actually snap me out of this depression so thank you for your advice

I hate being a grown up!

It wasn't my whole flat, mainly one room that was a depressing mess so less daunting I know, but what helped was being properly equipped eg buying a decent shredder so that I could get rid of a lot of old household paperwork, and plenty of rubbish bags/boxes.

My kitchen is small so I got rid of things that didn't fit easily in the cupboards or stack properly, and bought replacements if necessary. I also had too many cleaning products so rationalised that and created more space.

I found using a lovely smelling polish on a newly cleared table, or rewarding myself with fresh flowers was a help. Trivial, but whatever helps!

MarsandSaturn

That’s really helpful thank you. It’s not silly I think something like a lovely clean table and some flowers is a lovely reward to all the cleaning! A lovely thing to look at and feel nice about. Thank you for your advice ! Sometimes the small touches can help!

And the being prepared!! I do need boxes and things to organise !!

@LadyInParis

I had a friend become a MK consultant, she gave me a free session. It literally clicked.

Rule 1 - gather all of 1 item eg books / clothes - set aside at least 3 hours, total silence, no interruption, no music etc. Sort into 3 piles
1 Keep - gives you joy (even practical based joy)
2 bin
3 sell / gift to charity. (Sell should be meaningful value ie €50 plus, or effort will not be rewarded)

For anything that doesn’t spark ‘joy’, things that cost you money but not used / unworn, then ‘thank it’, accept any loss/ mistake and let go. It’s sounds crazy but it works!

Only buy anything for storage and sorting AFTER you have been through your sorting process.

Music is definitely required for cleaning, but not sorting. For sorting you need to be alone and silent.

Once you have your ‘things’ you can design your space, organise it, keep it under check and feel happy.

The MK method sorts clothes in one from your whole living space, books in one, shoes in one, paperwork in one etc. It means you don’t sort by room, but you gather up everything from your place/home of a category and sort at 1 time.

If you have too many clothes to do in one sitting, you’d take a category like shirts and tops for one sitting.

You will feel relief after if you are a hoarder like me!

Good luck!

X

Glad you liked the podcast idea! I'm learning Spanish and during most of my housework time listening to the Harry Potter books in Spanish on Audible. The time flies by!

leopardspotsdotdotdot

@LadyInParis

I had a friend become a MK consultant, she gave me a free session. It literally clicked.

Rule 1 - gather all of 1 item eg books / clothes - set aside at least 3 hours, total silence, no interruption, no music etc. Sort into 3 piles
1 Keep - gives you joy (even practical based joy)
2 bin
3 sell / gift to charity. (Sell should be meaningful value ie €50 plus, or effort will not be rewarded)

For anything that doesn’t spark ‘joy’, things that cost you money but not used / unworn, then ‘thank it’, accept any loss/ mistake and let go. It’s sounds crazy but it works!

Only buy anything for storage and sorting AFTER you have been through your sorting process.

Music is definitely required for cleaning, but not sorting. For sorting you need to be alone and silent.

Once you have your ‘things’ you can design your space, organise it, keep it under check and feel happy.

The MK method sorts clothes in one from your whole living space, books in one, shoes in one, paperwork in one etc. It means you don’t sort by room, but you gather up everything from your place/home of a category and sort at 1 time.

If you have too many clothes to do in one sitting, you’d take a category like shirts and tops for one sitting.

You will feel relief after if you are a hoarder like me!

Good luck!

Woweeee!! That was just a relief to read! I didn’t even consider for one second this kind of method and it fits my needs perfectly! The idea of doing room by room kills me because I’ll be doing another room and end up with things for the kitchen and the other room mixed up and end up stressed! But the idea of type of item at a time is such a wonderfully satisfying idea for my kind of personality so thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! What a wonderful idea! All of it- selling, saying thank you but goodbye, all of it! Perfect for my personality!!

lazylinguist

Glad you liked the podcast idea! I'm learning Spanish and during most of my housework time listening to the Harry Potter books in Spanish on Audible. The time flies by!

I did love this idea of podcast or audio books as I’m such a bookworm! Music is off putting as it’s too overwhelming when trying to organise. But books to listen to I love! Thank you too! I love Harry Potter too so I might do the same! A book per room, then the last book for sitting on the lovely clean sofa in my lovely clean lounge in my newly organised clean and pretty home as a reward! Thank you

You will feel relief after if you are a hoarder like me!

I am such a hoarder but I hate clutter so it mashes my head! Now I am looking forward to getting this done! Category by category, with my audiobooks and / or silence! Thank you!!!!!!!

I listen to podcasts or YouTube videos when I’m housekeeping and decluttering to keep focus and stop myself getting overwhelmed and emotional.

I love a slob comes clean for honest, realistic strategies. She makes it incredibly simple and there is literally no judgement.

I found the concept that there are different ways to organise eye opening. Clutterbug has a quiz. Honestly, the quiz isn’t the best imo, but I’ve really embraced the principals. And it’s helped me understand why some of my attempts have not lasted.

I like the minimal mom for encouragement to declutter and really question your stuff, without getting to the point of being weird or extreme.

Joshua Becker is another non-extreme minimalist I like. He’s quite inspiring in the way he redirects the energy and time and money that was trapped in maintaining his stuff, to living a life he’s proud of.

I find that dipping in to these kind of resources really helps get me in the right head space. But conversely I’ve found I can get pulled down by others. Loads of people swear by Marie Kondo but her methods completely overwhelm me. And huge, detailed housekeeping lists are my path to abject failure. So while I’m sharing resources that I’ve found helpful, it comes with a caveat to figure out what works for you and start there

For motivation watch programs about hoarders (think maybe they are on YouTube). They always motivate me also check out on Netflix (if you have) or maybe YouTube about the minimalists.

thelegohooverer Haha thank you so much for the many resources I really appreciate it! The Marie Kondo I love the principle of it - category by category I do like but I just tried to watch again and struggle to get past the happy happy happy of it because it makes me feel shit for not being happy happy happy! But I do love the concept of category by category and her general principles. I think I’ll look through your research and pick and mix maybe. The caveat made me laugh but it’s only fair after all the information and links so thank you! I’ll find my way!

grey12 I have Netflix I’ll have a mooch!! It’s really not that bad but just so disorganised!! I hate when all my stuff is all over the place I’m so controlling I need to know where everything is all the time. But that is offset by depression which makes it impossible. It’s a never ending circle! But thanks all for the tips and advice I can make it an experiment what works for the oxymoronic control freak with a messy house because of depression!

Thanks everyone you’re all so kind to give your time and I’ll use the advice and see what works for all!!

@LadyInParis

You will feel relief after if you are a hoarder like me!

I am such a hoarder but I hate clutter so it mashes my head! Now I am looking forward to getting this done! Category by category, with my audiobooks and / or silence! Thank you!!!!!!!

I am exactly the same!

once you learn to let go, and have a method for doing so, and organizing, you will feel super human!

good luck x

@leopardspotsdotdotdot
Thank you, I know you’re right! I just have to push to start don’t I! Then I won’t be stopped and after will feel amazing 🤩