Following on from my questions about cleaners thread, DH is disagreeing we need one

[hunkermunker]

Original thread here

I've threatened him with "stealth cleaner" who I employ without telling him. But I can see that this would lead to divorce, so I'm not keen on this idea.

He says that people where he works have them and they run round cleaning frantically the night before the cleaner comes otherwise the cleaner turns their nose up.

(This is not a thread about why women have cleaners, or to call me a lazy mare, btw - DH and I have one day a week together and I do NOT want to spend it cleaning (which is DH's suggestion - he thinks we can both do it and get the boys to help - they're 3.6 and 21mo), however, neither do I want to either have to do it myself AND pay somebody to do it)

Yes, I think you need to tackle the root of his objection, which appears to be "someone at work [exaggerated to 'everyone at work'] told me you spend as much time tidying before they come so what's the point?".

Well, clearly if that were true, he would be right. So I would tackle it on the grounds of:

• although it's a good idea to do some tidying to make it easier for them to clean, this is in itself a good thing as it would need doing anyway
• why don't we set a reasonable trial period and see what we think?

The main thing I do before my cleaner arrives is put away the ironing she did the week before so she doesn't find out it sits there all week .

LOL WWW! It's not up to him as such, but I'd feel weird if he employed someone to come in and strum a guitar while we ate dinner because "he wanted one and he was stressed without it" - I thought I'd try the mutual agreement thing before I try the "it just fucking is" thing

see, dh wanted Setanta Sports but said to me "I am not paying for another sports channel, we get Sky Sports fgs"

then when a match was screened went to the pub to watch it, then cam home huffing that he had spent £££ on beer and feigned annoyance

repeat several times

THEN he phones the other day saying "oooh Setanta have an offer on, it makes sense doncha think??"

WE NOW HAVE SETANTA

I firmly believe he planned it all along, knowing full well I would have huffed at the start and vetoed it

can you do something similar, drip drip over a few weeks?

lol at guitar. Actually, I'll admit that my dh wasn't sure about the idea initially because his mother used to be a cleaner and he just wasn't used to the whole idea of it, getting someone else to clean your house, it's not something his parents would have contemplated.

But then hey, he wasn't used to the reality of 2 children, 2 adults working ft oth, a house that needs cleaning and no time in which to do it either so he soon came round.

And we are about to re think it and get one again because I am going to be doing such long hours from next week that it's just going to be impossible otherwise.

Aw, he's great, my DH. He's just texted to say he bets we do most of it the night before, but if it's what I want he won't stand in the way. "As you say, give it a try"

Both my mother and his were sahms btw so they did all the cleaning, shopping, cooking and childcare. My mum was sniffy at my having a cleaner too until I pointed out she had never worked oth so what would she know? (not tthat I think there's anything wrong with having a cleaner if you're a sahm, I don't)

I've almost always had a cleaner since I started working, about 20 years ago. It's always been something I've hated and have been happy to pay to farm out. Fine if people like it/don't mind doing it but I don't.

Oh marvelous! Now you've got to hire a good one who doesn;t mind tidying too!