Why can’t I get on top of things?

[Times10]

I don’t know if I’m just lazy, unorganised, inefficient or if it’s something more, but I just can’t get on top of the housework. I’m a SAHM with 3 DCs (2 are school aged, 1 baby) but the house looks like a mess all the time.
I can’t seem to finish jobs, and by the end of the day you couldn’t tell I’ve done anything, yet I do do stuff, but a) not very efficiently it seems b) it never lasts c) I never get the whole house done d) it’s really making me feel down and useless. I mean, I should be able to do this stuff, why can’t I?

I’ve been decluttering, and the house has improved a lot but it’s still really bad.

I empathise with you hugely!!

I'm not a great housekeeper so don't have particularly useful advice but I do remember Mumsnetters recommending The Organised Mum Method.

You have to properly stick to it obvs.

It's basically half an hour a day but really focused.

I think this is it.

www.theorganisedmum.blog/tomm/

Also it's just really hard having three kids.

It is really hard having three kids, The Organised Mum method is really good and the thing with housework is it never ever stops. There is no "The house is tidy now", especially with kids because the minute something is done, something else needs doing again.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Do what you can but as long as things are vaguely hygienic and everyone has clean clothes, somewhere to eat and somewhere to sleep, you're doing OK.

And if you can afford a cleaner, get one.

I think you're too hard on yourself.

3 DCs including a baby and then school runs is not easy. You've barely got home after the morning run, sorted the baby, then it's lunch, sort baby and then time to pick up again.

You just do what you can.

The women in RL that I know with show home stylee houses outsource a lot and spend a lot of time outside the house so there's no chance to make a mess plus they have rules like no kids in sitting room.

There's no magic formula.

I can't, and mine are teenagers.
I think that we under estimate the work of "running a home".
There's a lot to do every day.
I just accept that I will never be on top of it all!

Thank you, you’re all being very kind!

I’ve tried tomm, well... I get Monday done and then it goes downhill, mostly because by Tuesday the living room is back to square 1 and I lose the will to live. My life is a Groundhog Day, even before lockdown!

And graffiti, don’t tell me that, I had hopes of being on top of everything once the kids were older (although I now remember my room as a teenager and yeah, I don’t think teenagerhood will help!)

This week I’ve tried to stay in one room until it’s sorted, instead of flitting from room to room, and I can see a slight improvement using that method, but I still get frustrated about the amount of hours I seem to need every day to make things work!

I think there’s also the issue of never getting to the stage where everything is in it’s place so I’m starting every day with at least a day’s worth of clutter before I even get started.

I think that we under estimate the work of "running a home".

I really believe this too. I know some people will laugh, but honestly running my small two bedroom home feels like a full time job! And then you have to look after a child (1 in my case - 3 in yours OP!) and hold down a job and it’s so, so hard to keep on top of everything.

Agree there is no simple formula. Three kids is definitely hard. I do think lowering standards is best for mental health. Prioritise bathrooms, kitchen and hoovering. Do bits here and there. Find something good to listen to while you're cleaning. Muddle through, and remember the ones with immaculate houses are in the minority (and probably pay to have them like that, or they don't have 3 kids!)

remember the ones with immaculate houses are in the minority (and probably pay to have them like that, or they don't have 3 kids!)

Well said!

Have a think about what would make you feel happy OP so would you feel happy with the bathrooms done and kitchen? Or is it the clutter that you don't like? Once you know what you want to get on top of my advice is have a place for everything, that way nothing should be in the way for when you can clean.

I hate our hallway being clogged by shoes and coats so I brought a kallax unit and some clothes hooks, everyone has a box and shoes go in there. I still find DH and DS are prone to leaving their shoes lying around but I can just whack them in the kallax and voila gone and I can run the vac or mop without a cluttered floor.

Definitely declutter that will help. I also get the kids involved too in terms of tidying up when they have played with something before they get something else out.

Hope that helps but honestly don't worry what everyone else is doing - just look at what you feel you need to do to make you feel happy with your home. Good luck!

-I think that we under estimate the work of "running a home"

I'm so glad someone said this!

As long as there are clean clothes, food to eat and bathroom and kitchen are reasonable that's the main things. Anything else is a bonus. Tidy up toys each evening. Eventually you will have more time.

I’m the same. 3 kids all home Ed so either we’re all out & not fixing the house or all in & making a mess

The old a place for everything & everything in its place is definitely key (unfortunately!) our bedrooms & front room are relatively easy to sort because there is a home for each thing - if we work together we can get it looking respectable or at least easy to vacuum quite quickly.
The kitchen is horrific because it does too many different jobs - holds all the craft stuff, HE stuff etc etc & things don’t have a home!

Thank you all, you’ve cheered me up, I was feeling really down this morning about it all.

Mommybear, that’s such a good idea to think about what is stressing me out the most and trying to sort that, instead of spending ages on things that don’t make much difference. I guess it’s the 80/20 rule (or is it 20/80) where 80% of results come from the 20% effort.

And yes, gibbons, we have the same issue in our living room, which is where we spend 90% of the time, and it’s an explosion of stuff every day! I’m not great at putting things away as I use them, but the DCs are even worse, so it gets out of hand really quickly.

I always, which people find odd, write things down after I've done them so I have a list of things I've accomplished at the end of the day. It stops me feeling despondent when the house doesn't look immaculate because I can say "OK, the playroom is still a tip and I haven't sorted that massive pile of ironing, but I've cleaned the bathroom, hoovered, put all the shoes away, and cleaned the glass in the sliding door". I find it much easier to keep on top of the housework when I get to the end of each day and can look back at what I've achieved; even when it might look like I've done naff all.

Captain on a similar vein I’ve been known to take a photo before & after just for me & the kids so we can see the difference if it’s one where it’s not as apparent as being able to see the floor again

I think a routine is key. I'm not very good at sticking to one, but I've realised I need to tweak my routine until it works for me and fits in around other stuff.

I didn't get on with TOMM. I prefer FlyLady in spite of its tweeness. The website is a bit full-on, but I found a simple, customisable app loosely based on it, called LadyFly, which I'm finding great.

The best bit is the morning routine I put into the app. 12 little items on the list. They don't take very long, but it makes a real difference to my day, being able to tick them all off. Otherwise they'd be things to do 'some tine during the day' and at least half wouldn't get done!

I’m not great at putting things away as I use them, but the DCs are even worse
Here’s your problem!! Set the example to your kids. Explosion of stuff also mentioned, slim down the ‘stuff’, teach them young and it’ll make life easy.
Tbh I never understand folk that use kids as an excuse to live in a tip, I have 4DC and never had a mess, one thing out to play i.e. crafts everything else goes away.

I’m going to try that Captain, maybe a post list might help me see that things are getting better, even if they don’t seem to.

Photos could also be worth a try, thanks.

SBT I know that’s the issue, I just don’t know how to sort it in a consistent manner. I need to create a habit around it, but it doesn’t come naturally at all.

I’m not naturally tidy but made the decision when DC were small that my house wouldn’t be a mess. They were all encouraged to tidy as they went and fo little jobs, make the mess then you tidy it.
Every time you go to leave something just tell yourself no and put it away, it’s much nicer to sit down to a tidy living room when the DC are in bed than strart tidying.

@Lightlysieved

-I think that we under estimate the work of "running a home"

I'm so glad someone said this!

I agree with this too.

I only have one young teen and myself to worry about, but there is always stuff to do. Cleaning up after every meal, washing to do and put away, etc etc

100% agree that people underestimate the work needed to run a home. I think we downplay it due to internalised chauvinism (it's woman's work so can't be that important right??)

@CaptainCallisto what a completely brilliant idea! Write down tasks when they're done! I'm going to start doing this. I also have to do lists I don't get done and it feels overwhelming but at least this way achievement is visible.

OP just a word (of hope?!) about having three kids. It's so fucking hard when they're little and genuinely keeping on top of things for me just wasn't possible. However now they're a bit older (10-12 now) it's so much easier to keep the house in a reasonable condition. Was going to say on top of it but tbh that's just not me.

But once they can be aware that they need to help, and are capable of doing, and aren't pissing the bed all the time and needing full changes of clothes twice a day etc etc things are much, much easier.

Getting them to help make food and clear up after is more effort than doing it yourself at first, but will eventually pay off.

I make one help with a meal and the other two clear up. Yes it's tons of effort and we end up eating weird food but one day you'll be sitting with your feet up while your kids sort everything out for you.

For now know that you're now the only one and that anyone with a spotless house is a weirdo.