How do I stop being such a lazy and useless POS?

[EmbarrassedElephant]

I struggle to do basic things around the house and I am a slob. I ignore so much around the house and I don't know HOW I can live like this.

I want to do better, but I just can't bring myself to. I wasn't so bad before I moved in with DP 5 years ago because I mostly just sat in one place and cleaned up after myself immediately if I had lunch or something. I had a recurring calendar reminder to hoover on the first day of the month. It was fine, but I really struggle to move/do things. Mostly my life just kind of passes by, although household things are the most obvious manifestation of this.

Now things only really get done if I have guests and tbh with lockdown etc no one has visited my house since February and so things just got worse.

I feel so overwhelmed and embarrassed that I am a lazy, slobbish, stupid person. I was reading a thread earlier where someone was harshly criticised for not doing x, y and z and I did none of those things either and it's launched a bit of an introspective spiral. One thing was not adequately cleaning a bathroom and I went into mine and noticed how bad the shower curtain smells, then sat crying on the toilet for a bit.

How do I learn to not be useless?

Be kind to yourself. You sound very depressed not lazy. Have you been to the doctors about this? If you improve your mental health you might find you have more energy for the day to day stuff.

One thing that really resonated for me in your post was the shower curtain. I used to be so ashamed of mine, I just couldn’t keep the mould at bay and it was disgusting. Looking back at that time I can’t believe I put up with it. Why didn’t I put it in the washing machine or even replace it every month? If you do one thing today buy or order a new shower curtain. It doesn’t have to be posh. If money is tight get a £3 one from Wilkos or Amazon. Get a spare one too if you can afford it. You need never have a smelly shower curtain again.

Like anything else in life, getting good at housework takes practice. You have the right idea with your calendar reminder. Can you expand on that? Make a list of everything you can think of that ought to be done and label them with weekly/monthly/6 monthly or however often you think you should do them. Ignore the lunatics on this site who vacuum twice a day and bleach their work surfaces every 20 minutes. Make a list that seems doable for you. Then every day, pick a job and give 15 minutes to it. If you don’t finish it, don’t worry. It will still be 15 minutes better than it was when you started. If 15 minutes seems too much, just give it 10 or 5. Even 5 minutes is better than no minutes.

I started out like this nearly 25 years ago when PND put me in the state you seem to be in now. I had lists and charts to get me going and it seemed undoable sometimes. Now it’s second nature. I don’t even think about housework. It’s a habit and it just gets done and I would say my house is ‘visitor tidy’ most of the time.

And stop calling yourself horrible names! Words are powerful. Don’t abuse yourself like that. You wouldn’t call a child lazy or slobbish or a POS. Be as nice to yourself as you would a child or a puppy. You are vulnerable at the moment and you need support not judgment and cruelty. Try and substitute more positive words to describe yourself. Say you are trying, you are starting out, you are learning and improving. Remind yourself how hard you try.

As I’m sure you can tell, all this comes from bitter experience! I know how hard it can be.

Good luck.

If you have a sister ask her to clean your house for you.

Not helpful @justanotherneighinparadise but can understand the reference

I'm sorry you're feeling low @EmbarrassedElephant. I have nothing useful to add other than small steps and be kind to yourself. Rome (or the mess) wasn't built in a day but you will overcome it.

You sound ill not lazy.

Great advice from @Thecobwebsarewinning & I cant really add to it. Other than just to reiterate, small steps are key. Just do one tiny job at a time & you will feel better. Good luck xx

Is DP just as bad? Surely he can tidy up too. Can you afford a cleaner?

I have nothing to add other than I know your pain OP. Therapy plus ADs are the only thing that helped me. Tbh I'd come over and clean your house far more happily than I'd clean my own which I bet is also true for you.

Try Team TOMM!! That's The Organised Mum Method. You do a bit each day.

I keep meaning to do it properly but it's at least got me doing some stuff more regularly.

You are not useless. Housework is boring and monotonous so it is absolutely normal to go through periods of giving up on it. The problem is during those periods it just piles up and can become overwhelming.

I find music helps me find a bit of motivation, the more upbeat or angry the better. Scrubbing the bath to Rage Against the Machine can actually be quite therapeutic...

I make lists and note even the most minor things, so that I can cross items off and feel like I've achieved something, and I listen to very loud music whilst I do the boring stuff!!

I try and have a basic routine, and that almost forces me to get through the basics across a week, otherwise for some reason I feel guilty.....

It can be a struggle though.

How to start getting your house under control even when you’re overwhelmed this podcast changed my life.

thelegohooverer

She hit the nail on the head - I don't see incremental clutter either. Things are fine and then it's a bomb site.

It was like having someone describe the workings of my brain

There is nothing wrong with you - cleanliness and tidiness are simply not your priority. They are not mine either. I cannot see the point in dusting unless there is clearly something to dust.

My "filth threshold" is very high. I do not beat myself up about it or feel bad about it.

This is me too.
I read flylady and I love her simple routines and challenges. But don't do it often enough I'm ashamed to say.
I also clean or do jobs in the ad breaks when I've really lost all motivation.