SAHM’s & Maternity leave, is housekeeping completely our responsibility?

[Sparkey47]

I just want to know if you think housekeeping is completely on the mother when she’s on maternity leave or is a SAHM, or if not what is your arrangement?

I’m currently on maternity leave and ever since then my partner has basically said I should be doing all of the housework especially when he’s at work (he works 4 nights on and 4 off with 12 hour shifts). I understand while he’s working he doesn’t really have time to be doing the housework but when he’s off for 4 days surely he should be pitching in quite a lot? I’ve stressed this to him but he disagrees with the usual “I’m tired from work” excuse, he does do the washing up and tidying a max of once a week or sometimes even a fortnight, and he’ll cook every now and again when he’s off.

I just don’t think he understands a baby is a full time job, there is no day off, so of course I’d love for him to share the housework more so I can put my feet up for a bit.

I watched a lot of box sets while cluster feeding, but I was stuck on the sofa anyway so it’s not like I could have done much else.

Mine all stopped cluster feeding at around 3 months, so from then on any time they weren’t napping basically involved looking after them... playing, entertaining, food prep, nap battles, taking them out... certainly wasn’t just sitting on the sofa watching box sets while they amused themselves happily. Maybe I’m just jealous

Yeah mine stopped cluster feeding too by around 3 or 4 months yup I'm jealous for sure . This is hard work

MIL asks me what I have done today and if I hesitate to reply she replies for me with " you've chilled then " yeah in just killed with my 8 month old . Who does she think does all the care needs lol oh that's right she had live in family help

@SoyDora oh yes the nap battles 😩😩😩. Annoying as I have only left baby twice with DM and MIL and he went off to sleep after a few pushes ( sometimes we are pushing pram for a lifetime it feels like . Anyway they think I have a really easy happy baby they don't see all the hard work that goes into it

Just chilled not killed oh my goodness this autocorrect today

No no no no no. So many women fall for this crap.

Looking after a baby is a full time job. If your partner worked from home would you expect him to do all of the housework too just because he was at home all day?

This subject boils my blood. I think I would leave my husband if he said this to me.

He's taking the piss. When I was on maternity leave I didn't have the time or energy to be doing ALL the housework. DP works 5 days a week and at that point had a long commute - 2 hours driving- but he would still come home and do housework, and he would do more than his fair share at the weekend.

Nip this in the bud now, looking after a baby is full time work in itself!

If the SAHM/woman on maternity leave has a preschooler then she should not be doing everything - the childcare comes first, then housework comes second.
If the SAHM has all her kids at school fulltime then I do think she should do the majority of the housework.
I’m a SAHM but still have a preschooler at home as well as one child at school. Some days it looks like a bomb has gone off and DH will get stuck in. Other days I have everything done and he doesn’t have to do much or anything. He’s never complained once or expected me to have it perfect every day. In fact I remember a week when both kids were preschoolers, they’d both been ill with a really bad cold and bug, my DH works a physical and demanding job so I don’t like him to have to do too much when he gets home but he never expects to not pull his weight. That week I got barely anything done, the washing piled up due to me having to repeatedly wash their sheets and towels and I cried (I was so stressed and burnt out!) and apologised to my DH saying I felt bad he had to come home and make dinner and vacuum etc. He told me he knew being with the kids all day is so hard and demanding and never to apologise again as we are a team.

I don’t understand how some men feel so entitled to tell their wives or partners ‘you’re on maternity so I don’t have to lift a finger’ errrr no, that’s a shitty attitude and if my DH had been like that I would have been upset by that.

There is no hard and fast rule, if you have a perfect baby which allows you unbroken sleep at night, feeds for 10 mins every 4 hours, naps well and is content to lie on the floor and watch you do housework, then I think you should do more of the housework load.

If you have a baby which wakes you at night, barely naps, you have to try to catch up with basics like sleeping, showering and eating when they do, the baby needs held all day, it needs fed for 50 mins every 2 hours, and projectile vomits a couple of times that needs cleaned up then your dh should kiss the ground you walk on and cover most of the general housework load.

Most people are somewhere in between and work it out between themselves what is realistic. Simply saying you should be doing all the housework is thoughtless and selfish.

When I was a sahm I did basic tasks as and when I could but bigger jobs were left to weekends or evenings when we shared the load. Looking after dc is hard work, particularly when you have 2 or more , if it wasn't we'd take our DC into work.with us and continue as normal. I think unless you've actually looked after dc hours on end by yourself without a break you don't fully realise how demanding it can be.

Apart from the first month when he did absolutely everything other than feed the baby we worked it out that I'd do all the cooking, he'd do all the cleaning (our previous pattern). I tended to do a bit more laundry than before and he did a bit less, just because I was at home more so easier for me to do.
He was working five days a week 10-11 hours out of house each day.

This felt fair and also made it easier to return to work as I hadn't ended up being lumbered with everything.

Being home with a baby is not a full time job. Full time job is about 40 hours a week, minus holiday. Baby care is 24/7, (24*7=168 hours a week) hard manual work or on standby. You don't even get a real toilet break.
Reeks of taking an advantage of you and not appreciating your contribution. Watch for it. Long term consequences can be devastating.

I don’t understand how some men feel so entitled to tell their wives or partners ‘you’re on maternity so I don’t have to lift a finger tend to be the same men who go on to say the woman needs to go part time/ limit her work options to run round after child care once the kid is in school, then demand the woman goes back to work full time should they split up so not to pay enough support.
Red flags!