Husband and housework

[getoutofthatgarden202]

Another one of these - my DH is great in most aspects - does most of the cooking which I hate doing - but slacks massively on the cleaning !

Thinking back in 10 years I don't think he's ever cleaned the bathroom, rarely puts on a wash, doesn't dust, change the bed or hoover - well he does when asked (sometime it takes a few times) - sometime I cave and end up doing it! He will help when pushed !

Il be the first to admit I have pretty high standards of tidiness and cleanliness - but some help would be nice and I'd love to not have to sound like such a nag!

I slack off a bit on the cooking - he is an amazing cook and he enjoys it so I'm willing to do more cleaning than him around the house!

I've just come home from a long day and the house looks like a bomb hit it - his stuff is everywhere and he's left the kitchen in a state after cooking a meal! (I tidied before work and cleaned the sinks and dusted, did the bathrooms before work - and all my hard work is now unnoticeable !

I've went a bit mad and now I've gone to bed angry!

Feel like not bothering with housework anymore - feels so stupid to be arguing about pointless things like this - but it's so annoying !!

Leaving the place to go to shit though will likely just make me unhappy!

Just don't know how to bloody find some way to get him to help do his share without me being such a bloody nag.

Any tips??

Bot him out until he learns to be a grown up.

Get a cleaner.

and who mows the lawn, changes the oil filter on the car, gets up on the ladder to clean out the gutters and wash the outside windows?
sometimes it not all about the "indoor" stuff.
division of labor, somehow has to include all the jobs.

Lolz @fallfallfall apartment life in the city - no to a car and outside things

We litrally only have a living room, bathroom and bedroom to keep on top of ! It should be manageable!

May have to just cave and get a cleaner again ! But she won't tidy - place needs to be kept tidy between us for a cleaner to be worthwhile!!

I'm in bad for already today so it's probably seeming worse than usual tbh!! 😂

fallfall: and who mows the lawn, changes the oil filter on the car, gets up on the ladder to clean out the gutters and wash the outside windows
Well, mowing the lawn, once a week in the summer, not much at all in the winter.
Change the oil filter, maybe once a year, or the garage do it during the service.
Clean the gutters out - twice a year?
Wash the windows outside, certainly not a daily chore, probably not even weekly.
Unlike the washing up, drying up, putting away, shopping, meal planning, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, all daily or at the very least weekly. Repetitive, dull, thankless tasks.

Yeah it's the putting laundry away when it's dry and emptying the dishwasher, wiping down the counters daily etc - it's little things that even having a cleaner wouldn't solve - coming home from work and the counter top full of crumbs from his breakfast and the plate & knife not made it's way to the dishwasher etc that are most annoying !!

Came back after a weekend away there and the same laundry I hung up to dry before I left was still there 3 days later (his stuff as well as mine)- why wouldn't he just put it away!!

I'd be the one to do any DIY around the place as well tbh (am pretty handy) and I clean the windows and have actually sanded down and re-varnished the bloody balcony this summer - so I do a lot more!

Il admit though i very rarely cook anything at all - most meals are done by him and I am very grateful for that !! We share the going to shops and meal plan together to make the week less stressful !

Dusted?? Didn't that go out after the 1950's?!

Life's too short love! Tomorrow may be over.

Like the Buddhist Lama said, No-one on their death bed will be saying I wish I had kept a cleaner house (or spent more time in the office...).

you two just need to sit down together and discuss it. really it's an age old problem.

Count up the hours he spends on cooking and shopping (I guess he does a lot of shopping as the main cook) and count up the hours you spend on cleaning and laundry. Maybe deduct a few hours from your list for fairness to take account of your unusually high standards. Then talk to him about the disparity after a week or two with the hard evidence in front of you.

I do think you could reasonably stop putting his clean washing away, or sorting it out for washing. Adults should take responsibility for their own laundry no matter how much cooking they do.

Do you @Iflyaway so you just leave did all over your surfaces and never ever wipe it off??

I've got a bit of a problem with cleaning I guess - I need everything tidy and clean before I go to bed at night - don't like to wake up to any mess! It keeps me awake at night - if I go in the kitchen to get a drink or something and spot anything that needs doing I just do it then 1 same with the bathroom / bedroom - I have to leave it tidy!!

So maybe that's more part of my problem rather than him being actual useless - my standards are too high!

Anyway was in bad form and a bit stressed out last night so needed a bit of a rant. 😂

Well my little outburst last night worked anyway - came home to a lovely clean house, dinner on the table and a wash on! Even the floors have been steamed. 😂

Do you @Iflyaway so you just leave did all over your surfaces and never ever wipe it off??

I presume you mean dust, OP?

No, I have a snazzy little mouthpiece for my hoover that I can hoover all the dust off.

I bet everywhere ends up a mess again though. He's tidied once and thinks that's it, job done until your next rant.

Often, they just don't see mess in the same way and it doesn't have the same effect on them as it does us.

Training is key. DH is pretty well trained now (he was in the Scouts etc) so is good at cooking, fixing things etc. But as we both work, he has to do fair share. The trick is to find what each of you likes doing. So for example, he cooks and cleans kitchen, can do laundry, will peg washing out, bring in, put things in the dryer and has finally learned to take dry laundry to the ironing pile rather than leave downstairs. He is into tech so I discovered he quite likes the steam mop! I hoover and he follows with the mop.

DS is a work in progress

@shushymcshush yeah you are right he is just not as into as tidy/clean home as me - he reckons im a bit ott with it

He's not wrong, I do suffer with anxiety and get a bit weird about cleaning and things being in the right place etc - so I am possibly a bit overbearing sometimes!

We chatted last night and he said he's gonna sort a cleaner to come once a week and then all we have to do is keep the place tidy and we don't have to argue about cleaning anymore cus it is such a crap thing to be fighting about haha!

Excellent result OP. A good cleaner is a relationship saver!