Birthday party at home

[Hullabalooo]

I'm having a birthday party for my son next week at my home. My son's father has let me know this week that he's organising a separate party this weekend for him as he's not allowed in my home.

He's having his party at an expensive venue and has thrown a load of money at it whereas I'm having the party at my home as I'm really strapped for funds after my abusive but charming ex took me to court for custody and i spent thousands and thousands fighting it.

I'm worried that all the parents who attend the expensive party will come to my slightly tatty home and think less of me because i have an old kitchen and walls that need repainting. I have quite a quirky second hand look anyway and its clean but i can't afford a redecoration or posh kitchen. I know this is foolish but i can't help feeling this.

Please tell me I'm being ridiculous. I know i am really but have got into a weird state about it.

My children have been palpably happy at their home parties in a way that you don't see so much at the bigger ones. A handful of genuine close friends is so much nicer than whole class parties when they might not even like half the children there. Parties are about the people really and I'm sure you will have invited the children your son really values.

I think it is natural to worry when your ex is doing this competitive thing throwing his money about, and your son will understandably probably be thrilled by a bouncy castle, magician or whatever, but I'm sure you will throw him a fab party that gets right all the things that really matter.

Plus if anyone does go to both and somehow look down on yours, that will handily tell you all you need to know about them ;) If anything they will judge the competitive parenting, not you, if your ex's actions mean they have to give up 2 weekend slots for one child's birthday.

What Matcha said- if anyone gets judged it's him. I bet your house is lovely and cozy, and your guests will be delighted and honoured you've invited them.

I echo what Matcha said too. We had a party at home for 8 children for my DS 5th birthday with old fashioned games, musical statues, Simon says etc etc. Most of the parties he had been to previously were big impersonal ones at a soft play or sports centres. Every child said they really loved our party, it was a novelty! Some have since requested parties like ours as a preference. Whoever you invite will love it.

think less of me because i have an old kitchen and walls that need repainting

The kids will not notice
The parents with whom you might want to be friends will not notice or care.

Please, don't let the idea of people judging you get any kind of hold in your mind. You have done a great think and protected your DS, now is your time to enjoy.

Enjoy.

You are overthinking it. Nobody is going to think about your house at all.

I’ve got two teenagers and both of them have had a party every year (we live abroad so no family to celebrate with) and I’ve had all sorts of parties. Them best ones have always been at home.

When you have a birthday party you have to remember that it’s for your child. Not for anyone else. Certainly not for other children’s parents! At the end of the party you want your child to feel like they have had. A party.

If they are under six, do the cake before the food as they don’t stay at the table for long.

If you are doing games, write yourself a list and if they aren’t enjoying a game move on. If they are, play it again.

Thanks everyone. Its this weekend so wish me luck! Ex has done everything possible to sabotage it so i have no idea how it will turn out but fingers crossed.

It was hectic but nice in the end. Some parents who went to ex's party didn't make it to ours unfortunately and some invitations went missing which was suspicious but it all went pretty well considering.

Thanks for your input

Sounds really stressful. Well done for rising above it.