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Housekeeping

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Original poster

Can I ask him to do housework?

21 replies

Debbierocket123 · 02/09/2019 18:12

My partner and I have been together for a year now and since I have recently moved into a new flat, he spends 6 out of 7 nights a week here. He hasn't officially moved in but it is beginning to get awkward as I am having to do all the housework and he goes home to do his washing. Am I being out of order to ask him to help with things such as laundry or basic cleaning since he is staying here so much? I would appreciate any kind advice :)

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 02/09/2019 18:14

You would have thought that he would offer tbh!

Just tell him that the kitchen needs doing.

User12879923378 · 02/09/2019 18:43

OMG of course you can! I used to spend the weekends at my now husband's flat when we first started going out and I always did some cooking and tidying. (I hate laundry so he did my laundry.)

Thehagonthehill · 02/09/2019 23:19

He shouldn't help he should do his share.
Does he pay equally for food,towards bills if he is always with you?
How you both deal with this shows you whether this is a long term prospect or not.The dynamic is set now.

Palaver1 · 03/09/2019 06:30

Of course he should help good training for your future that’s if you do stay together.

morrisseysquif · 04/09/2019 20:19

Yes, beware what you condone now!

Aquamarine1029 · 04/09/2019 20:25

It's ridiculous that you even have to ask. I smell a cocklodger/man child. I'd be having a big think about him, personally. When you say he goes home to do laundry, what does that mean? Does he live with his parents or does he have his own place?

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 05/09/2019 11:23

He currently lives with his parents after he split with his ex. His mum does his washing...I hate this about him but I made it clear to him that I have different rules in my house and if he wants to stay at mine he has to contribute in some way. He's getting better after I brought this up to him but he would have left me to it if I hadn't said anything, which worries me a great deal...

OP posts:
FrogFairy · 05/09/2019 12:48

He doesn’t sound very promising tbh. I am guessing he is not paying his way with bills either.

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 05/09/2019 19:36

No he's not paying me to be here just gets the occasional food shop. I'm starting to get concerned - is there any hope going forward that he will take the hint? I can be pretty bossy when required but I don't want to because it makes me miserable being a nag :(

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 05/09/2019 19:39

Well, you could sit him down and have a talk about Where The Relationship is Going, and the fact that if he has all but moved in, he needs to be pulling his weight. Then see how things go for a month or so. If he's full of promises which then turn into excuses, bin him and move on. Remember 'dick is abundant and of low value' and being single is better than finding yourself the servant of an unsatisfactory man.

Blahblahblah12345 · 05/09/2019 20:15

So when I first started dating my DH and he was staying a lot of nights a week he wouldn't let me pay for my shopping. We ate together most nights and he paid for the food shop as he was eating there. He was also helping do some housework too. I didn't ask or expect it but he did it. So for your partner to be doing nothing is a bit strange yes.id be telling him you expect more from him

Cleari · 05/09/2019 21:29

It was a long time ago now but DH moved into my flat when we first met, he straight away asked the rent amount and put half in cash in a box. He then suggested we pool food money each month in another box and take from it to eat. I remember him cooking on one of the first days there. We never ever had the chat, I think he shared housework as I never noticed doing more or got annoyed. I was happy my living costs almost halved.

It took 5 kids and a few decades to get to the current point of laziness... I’d worry if it had started like that. I’d worry a lot.

TequilaMockingbird0 · 05/09/2019 21:38

It's not 'helping' because it's not your job. It's a joint responsibility. He needs to understand this. If he doesn't get that tell him you don't find a man child sexually attractive and he may soon realise it's not the 1950s.

Redwinestillfine · 05/09/2019 21:47

Talking from experience op I would ask him to stay at his Mum's for a bit. Tell him you want to reset the clock and you feel taken for granted. After an agreed period of time if he wants to stay over now and then fine, but he needs to chip in. If he wants to stay more than that you probably need to discuss if this is him moving in but I would be cautious if he's not pulling his weight. He won't suddenly start doing it overnight once he's moved in if he's not helping out when he stays over

littlecabbage · 05/09/2019 22:04

I can be pretty bossy when required but I don't want to because it makes me miserable being a nag

Accusing a woman of "nagging" is generally done by lazy men. Insisting he does 50% of the housework is NOT nagging.

BlingLoving · 05/09/2019 22:11

You shouldn't have to say anything but you must. Financial and general contributions needed pronto. He sees himself as a guest but he's there 5days a week and shouldn't be.

LazyLizzy · 05/09/2019 22:15

How convenient he can stay at your place and enjoy all the comforts without putting his hand in his pocket.

You should get your place back to yourself. Let him stay 2 nights maximum.

ineedaholidaynow · 05/09/2019 22:15

Does he do any of the cooking, washing up, cleaning the kitchen?

BrokenWing · 05/09/2019 23:08

He stays there all the time apart from occasional sleepover at his mums? He's moved in! Getting the benefits without the responsibility or commitment. Is this what you want?

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 06/09/2019 11:04

He does the washing up after we've eaten which is ideal because I hate washing up. He sometimes cooks and he's bought 2 food shops in about 6 months and picks up bits from the shop. He hasn't offered to do anything else but after a certain amount of complaining he put the bins out and changed the bedding and said to me I need to tell him what needs doing because he doesn't know. I said "if it looks dirty, clean it, if it's full take it out"

OP posts:
Beechview · 06/09/2019 11:11

You can tell already he’s lazy so consider if you want a relationship with someone like that.
He should just get on and help with stuff if he sees your cleaning or washing up.
That’s what most people do even with friends.

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