My husband is always too tired...

[Debbierocket123]

We both work full-time jobs. He works 4 days a week and run my own business from home but this often means I have to work evenings and weekends. It is starting to get on my nerves but he always uses his tiredness as an excuse not to help around the house. He tells me his job means he's too tired to do any housework or walking our dog etc but I work too! I also do our weekly shop, walk the dog, take exercise classes, clean the house and cook our meals and he tells me he hasn't got the energy. I love him dearly but it is getting hard. We are planning to have children and I am beginning to change my mind because how is he going to be when there's a two-year-old running around needing his attention? Has anyone else had a situation like this? What can I do? I told him to go to the doctors if he really does have a tiredness problem but he still hasn't...

Sounds like he’s got into the habit of you doing everything, and because you do, it’s not going to change anytime soon. The chances are even if he begrudgingly agrees to do anything, it will probably be half hearted and will continually need pushing. I’m going off my own experience here btw! When kids come along it will only become more difficult for you and like me, of course you’ll resent it.

If I had to do it all again, I’d be sitting him down and having a very heart to heart conversation along the lines of marriage being a partnership and pulling together etc. Yes, if he really has no energy for anything other than work, certainly he should see the GP and get blood tests done. Does he have the energy to go out in the evenings or play sport? Actually doing some exercise would probably do him the world of good - starting with walking the dog.

Certainly think you should put the foot down, but it has to be him who makes the effort, not you permanently pushing him.

Agree with over50. I have a very similar situation, with kids in the equation. If your DH can’t even meet his responsibility of looking after the dog how does he think he can meet his duties as a dad? You need a serious talk with him about having children and that he needs to change his ways, see sense and put the effort in as you won’t put up with anything less if you are to move forward in life with him. It may be getting on your nerves now - wait until you have the work, the dog, the children and the housework every single day of your life without his equal contribution - it will lead to resentment and so much more stress. Let alone the loss of your self-esteem, self-worth and potential breakdown of the relationship. I’m glad you are aware of his weaknesses now, before kids are in the picture as you have a good chance of changing his ways and making him create good habits now. If he can’t or doesn’t want to understand you then maybe you should question if he’s the right guy to start a family with. Let us know how you get on!

Just to add...thinking about it, the fact that my ex never walked his dog regularly when I first met him should have told me something right from the start - but he had a tough job, poor lamb, so I walked him as soon as we got married - the dog, that is

Having a child with him would be the biggest mistake of your life. Think about what you're dealing with right now, and multiply it by 1,000.

So he has 3 days off a week and does fuck all?
Did he come to you fresh from mummy's house?

He could do it but knows if he doesn't then you will. He thinks you are beneath him, not his equal. His penis clearly makes him exempt from having to do anything domestic.

Do not even consider having children as it will get worse.

Think very carefully his going to become 10 times worse if you can cope with that go ahead if you can’t end it now.
Have you spoken to him seriously about your doubts.

Do NOT have kids with this man unless he completely changes and transforms into a fully functioning adult.
He’s showing you who he is, so pay attention.

I couldn’t live with a lazy man-child like that.

I wouldn't go so far far as to say don't have children with him- but in my experience these discrepancies don't go away, and please don't fall into the trap of believing that it will be different with kids. It won't, and you will both be more tired.

He's lazy, and selfish. Don't have a child with him unless he sorts his priorities out.