HELP ME! Trying to declutter but end up just moving stuff around

[MadameGazelleIsMyHomegirl]

I’ve been trying to majorly declutter. We just have way too much stuff, much of it is good quality and brand new.
I keep going through it and just moving / sorting it into boxes! But that means the STUFF is still taking up space in the house!
PLEASE help me- tell me HOW to just GET RID. It’s all good, new, costly stuff. I could car boot it. I could save it and give it to someone. But really I just need permission to give it to charity don’t I? I’m realistically never going to do a bloody car boot, and even if I did how much would I make?
Aaaaaaaarggh I am going round in circles surrounded by boxes of stuff I’ve already been through at least once!

Yep sounds like you are hanging on to this stiff because you've spent money on it and getting rid of the stuff feels like losing money. You have to decide how much effory you are actually going to put into getting some of that money, back e.g. car boot, eBay, Gumtree, Facebook marketplace. Lots of options.

But you need to have an idea in your head of your own 'hourly rate' i.e. whether the money you'll make selling the stuff is covers the time you'll spend photographing/listing/arranging sales. If it doesn't, then its just more money down the drain in terms of losing your precious free time, so you might as well just freecycle it or take it all down the charity shop!

Honestly, just load up the car and get it the fuck out of the house. You'll feel so much lighter afterwards. Practice the art of letting go. It is just stuff. If it helps, think of the immense joy it might bring someone else when they buy it from the charity shop, and the good that the charity can do with that money.

*stuff

Honestly, just get rid. Straight to charity shop or wherever. It is so liberating. I used to collect CDs (had thousands), and even if I had made a few pence on each, could have made quite a bit of money but I never did do that, and don't regret moving them on for a second.

Marie Kondo is a bit eye rolly and twee, but her system of keeping stuff you want rather than getting rid of stuff you don't want is really liberating. It means stuff from the grey area of 'I can't get rid of that, it cost money / great aunt mabel gave it to me' that you don't actually want falls on the get rid of it side of the line.

Once I've established I don't want or need something, I've already mentally let it go, so I don't get the guilt I used to from giving it away, rather than selling it or whatever that stopped me taking the final step and getting shot of it.

Thanks all. I think you’re right, I feel very conflicted by the thought of either how much money I spent on it, or the emotional link with either when I got the item or the person who gave it to me.
I’m sure there are some deep seated emotional reasons for this that I can’t quite fathom!
But I desperately want to make enough space that we can literally breathe out and enjoy our lives. At the moment we are suffocated by piles of crap. But the thought of making the decision to get rid of it is making me feel nauseous!!

You need baby steps. Use this Kon-Mari checklist. Look at one thing only. Something you don’t have an emotional attachment to. You will be surprised how soon you start to make space. The best tip she gives is to put the same thing in the same place.

I started with First Aid. I went round the house and gathered every thing up and put it on the table. I had NINE bottles of the same cough mixture, loads of tablets for various pains and enough plasters to stock the A&E. I put them in a box, got rid of the out of date stuff and now do not have to buy a ythi g for years..

Don’t bother to buy the book, loads of people on here will tell you what is in It.

I’ve got the Marie kondo book- I think she’s more geared to tidying up than dealing with the clutter and breaking the emotional link to it. I’ve also got a good book by Karen Kingston which is a feng shui approach. Argh I need to stop reading books and go and fill some bin bags don’t i?

Regarding sentimental items, you can sort them by person then keep just one or two for each person. I found it hard to pass on some of my grandparents favourite ornaments yet most were too ugly IMO to display so were in boxes not bringing any joy. So I have kept the one I actually like looking at and I listed the others so I could remember what grandparents possessed, what it meant to them (if there was a story behind it) or to me, like the things that were in the room where I slept and how I used to look at them on light evenings before falling asleep..

Then I passed them on. I can refer back to what I wrote if I feel I need help remembering.

Regarding money spent on it, it can help to think of the cost per square metre or foot of housing in your area, or of storage.
This can help you realise that by hanging onto something you bought but didn't use or barely used, you are wasting even more money! Plus someone out there may really need it but not be able to afford it new.

And don't buy any more decluttering books. There are loads of blog posts online about how to declutter without guilt.

Good luck!

I used to do that all the time, getting stuff out, looking at it, and either putting it back in the same place or shifting around. Eventually when it started to really depress me I done something about it. I did sell as much as I could, although it was hard work, but I felt better that I had at least got quite a lot of money back, which made me then feel better about giving the rest to charity. All my stuff was in cupboards and drawers, hardly used, and I got fed up with shifting things about to get to the few things I actually used. Also, I had over time which I think was the biggest obstacle, I had become a bit obsessed with the idea I might one day need these things. I brought them in case I needed them, and then had to justify this by keeping them. Plus I had a habit of wanting to keep things nice. Over time I changed my view and took the plunge, and every time I took a few bags to charity, I felt the load getting lighter, and it became easier. I thought very carefully about what I would realistically need one day, and if there was any doubt I'd wait a while longer. It took a year all in all 😂

Nobody has the time or space to do things exactly as it says in the book. That is why I found the printable list much easier. When I joined the Kondo threads people asked about getting family members to help. She says you can only do your own stuff, but when others see the difference they will follow.

I did not believe this until one day, I came home to find the living room full of paper. The whole floor was covered. My Account/ hoarder husband was sitting surrounded by 40 years of paperwork. Something that had irritated me for years. He had cleared out 2 large floor to ceiling cupboards. He now regularly has a clear out of possessions.

The hardest part is making that first step to do one small category. Then disciplining yourself to do one hour every week.

Update: I’ve got down to THE FLOOR in one room!!

Congratulations, the start has happened

Well done

Well done, OP! That's really good.

One thing that helped me was finding charities that meant a lot to me, especially local groups which you know benefit your local community. I've found it heart warming to think of people/animals benefitting from my stuff. Even if it's worth quite a bit, it's probably not much over a lifetime and could make a real difference to those in need.

I have sold quite a bit too but it's been pretty time consuming. Car boots can be worthwhile though, but only if you do them, obviously.

I was also surprised at what people would take on the Freely Wheelie and Freec-cycle sights. Even broken things. I posted pictures of things in my garage and an artist who makes Installations took everything. I had some really old fashioned M&S clothes and a lady from a charity that helps people back into work contacted me. She took the clothes and lots of boots, shoes and handbags too.

I generally find that charity shops take nice clothes (gone too small for DC or me) or bad clothes (for their recycle bank). So all clothes go here. I bag them and put them straight in the car boot. When I next pass the charity shop I pop in and get rid of the bags.

For old toys etc - you will have to throw them out, no one I have heard of takes them. If you have relatives great but if not, just get a large bin and chuck them.

We have sold large furniture items but everything else I have put in a skip or bin - it takes too long to sell items, and you really have to put in the effort and give yourself a time limit and then dump the stuff.

Freecycle or give away for free on gumtree, preloaded and Facebook.
Things go quicker then.

Please don't bin stuff like pp above as someone somewhere will be happy with your things and I hate the thought of things going to landfill.

I moved recently and had 400 boxes or large furniture items listed.

I plan to get this down to 200 to 250 items included furniture. I will probably give away more as I counted large items and boxes and not the individual items in the boxes.

I have paid thousands over the years to keep some of these items and for what. I now value space more.

I working through it. I sell what I can on ebay and gumtree and I give away lots also.

It will be probably a years work but that's okay as my next and hopefully last move will be so much easier. This current house will also be much more enjoyable with less stuff.

Last year I read the mother of all decluttering books: "The Art of Discarding" by Nagisa Tatsumi. Marie Kondo aknowledges her as a massive influence.

It is pretty hardcore, not fluffy like Konmari, e.g. "If you have it, use it. If you don't use it, don't have it". "When I'm dead, it will all be rubbish".

The one that really made me sit up was her advocacy of just throwing away unread books without even looking at them. Environmental considerations aside, I love books and couldn't bring myself to go that far, but my drawer of books-to-be-read (TDOS: The Drawer of Shame) was getting me down and I felt better after selling or donating all but a couple of these books in January this year. We still have TBR shelf but it's small and I now have a whole dresser drawer to store other stuff like my hairdryer and jewellery

Freecycle has rarely if ever failed for me. I would also recommend ziffit.com as a great site for selling books, CDs, games etc. They pay better than Music Magpie and they provide a free courier once your trade gets to a certain value.

I think it's important not to get too hung up on how you dispose of things, too. Tatsumi advocates having multiple disposal routes available. E.g. I like to support independent booksellers and have donated bagfuls of decent, saleable books to one in the past. No doubt I'll do it again as I know he struggles to make a living, but this involves train travel to another city and lugging bags of heavy books. Last time round, I thought: "I could do this, but I know I'll just get a "Thank you" and that's it. A coffee would be nice (bookshop is also a café), but I know I won't get anything for free." I did take some books to him in the end, but only what I couldn't sell, and I made over £130 without leaving the house. We are not well off either, and sometimes you have to look after yourself.

Lastly, something Tatsumi said that really works for me was to consider not whether an item's potential has been used, but has its potential been used for me?

I found it easier to give things away on freecycle or by leaving them on our garden wall with a 'take me' sign as I knew they'd make other people happy

How much time do you have? Pick two of the higher value and largest items. Go on ebay and look down the side for the SOLD tickbox) and see how much they went for. Then take a photo and list them on facebook in your local things for sale group - put the price at a rough average of the ebay sold price. Don't be tempted to put the price too low - people very often offer less anyway.

Be more ruthless with the lower value items. Clothes, if good brands, will sell well on ebay if you have the time to do it. Making up a bundle of several items - ladies tops size 14 x 3 for example - can be effective.

Car boots will generally tend to make you between £50 - £100 on a good day, but most people do it for the fun rather than the money so weigh it against your time. Can be worth having a dedicated couple of weeks in the summer though - some people prefer knowing prices than asking, so one tip is label some banana boxes with i.e. 50p/£1 and sort stuff accordingly.