My 'To-Don't List'

[everythingisginandroses]

This is more of a mind decluttering topic than housekeeping, but I wanted to post here because this is such a pleasant and constructive board and I think it sort of fits in here.

The other day I read a column by Lucy Mangan in which she listed a number of things she needs to actively avoid doing, i.e. a To-Don't List. Stuff that is self-sabotaging and stupid, things where if you don't do them you will feel better and have more time for stuff you do want to do. The one that really struck a chord with me and made me want to write my own list was 'Staying up until 1am for no reason'.

I am a bit of Queen of Self-Sabotage. Here is my list so far:
Staying up until 12.30 or 1:00am. This is a big one. I feel blitzed by tiredness all the time and I know it is bad for my brain
Visiting AIBU or Brexit boards.

Reading online news generally.
Feeling guilty or envious about activities I don't have time to do.

Reading interviews or Q&As with actors.
Getting annoyed with my cat.
Spending more time at work than I do asleep.
Procrastinating instead of doing cleaning jobs which I loathe and then feeling really fucked-off about the state of the house.

Please share your lists with me!

What a fantastic idea!!!!!

I’m pretty good at doing what I have to do without too much procrastination, all the while promising myself that once I’ve done x y z I can read the book I really want to read, start a series everyone’s recommending etc. Then, everything’s ticked off the list, and what happens?

I procrastinate my leisure time away, that’s what.

I spend an hour staring at a wall. I go on Mumsnet. I google “why aren’t I successful yet?” and spend ages worrying about my future. But I never do the leisure time I promised myself !!!!!

So, my to-don’t list:

Avoid self-improvement searches in so-called leisure time: they just make me feel inadequate. Ditto for searches about health issues that I don’t even have.

If I’ve promised myself a treat, don’t fritter that time away staring. I can stare for hours. I don’t know why.

No phone in bed.

If it's a nice sunny day, don't stay indoors and get the washing and ironing done, and think, I'll sit in the garden when I've finished the household chores, as it inevitably clouds over and gets cold once I'm actually ready to sit out there. I've had this happen to me too many times.

Brilliant idea.
Mine: don't spend time clicking through aibu
Dont aimlessly scroll though online news. Set a timer, stick to key websites or listen to R4 news.
Dont allow yourself to get freaked out by everyone else's accomplishments. Map out what you need to know and get on top of. Then go ahead and start doing that instead if aimlessly worrying
Dont get stuck obsessing on one corner if your life. Do one task for each everyday: health, friends, cleaning, children, work, love and me.

Good idea:
Don't clean more than is neccessary to keep things healthy.
Don't go to bed at 1 when you've got to be up at 6
Don't wait for the right time to do something, the right time never comes.
Don't stop learning because you feel to old, you almost certainly are not.

Don't say 'I'll do it later'
Don't compare your life to others - she may look like she has it all, but she probably doesn't
Don't snack so much
Don't be afraid to say no
Don't put off learning sign language any longer

Thank you for all your lists so far. It is consoling to know that I am not alone in struggling to get stuff done and get my arse into bed at a reasonable time!

TheAnswer and user1494055864, I really recognised what you both said about putting off leisure activities in favour of Doing Stuff, or indeed Pointless Staring. Countless times I have finished clearing up the kitchen only to realise that it's too late to watch the film I've been promising myself, or I've wasted an hour or two online and achieved the same outcome (minus the tidy kitchen). It's really annoying and I feel like I am not being kind to myself

Last year I read a book called Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte. She writes about how women tend to feel that leisure must be earned, so you can only put your feet up when everything else has been ticked off the list, and how men don't seem to have this mindset nearly so much. I see this all the time with DH. He does pretty much all the cooking and childcare and a good chunk of washing, but dust, mess and the kitchen/bathroom not being clean don't weigh on him the way they do on me. He is either Doing Stuff or Relaxing and not caught in the 'dark playground' of procrastination where I keep finding myself, not really doing either thing properly.

No phones in bed
Limit phone use after work
Limit phone use during days off work