Decluttering my hoard of baby items. Any one want to hold my hand?

[MEDWAymumoffour]

Ok so I am not exaggerating here. I am a hoarder, not in that there’s no clear floors at home or I save rubbish, or would make it onto a TV show, but hoarder nevertheless as I acquire a lot which I find hard to part with. My house just looks cluttered at first look, look under the beds, in the wardrobes etc and you see a bigger issue as I have babygrows but my youngest is 4!

I have four kids, the two middle ones have SEN so part of the hoarding is clinging to their lost ( or perception of ) their normal development. I do feel robbed rightly or wrongly as I have four kids but I have only experienced two toddlers milestones ( the others are getting there but not while preschool age). Plus other stuff as it’s aMH condition and well - you know - life 😜

Anyone I still feel broody but have decided it’s enough. My youngest starts school in September and it’s just the sensible choice. So I’m trying to get rid of all the outgrown baby things. In the past three days I have got rid of 50 things and sorted a further 200 so far to sell at a baby sale in two weeks. I have decided that it’s going for 50p - £3 and what doesn’t sell goes to nursery spares and charity. Even my brand new Next items I try to sell online get no interest so it’s now or never. Kids clothes are a sunk cost.

But it’s killing me. I have this deadline to make a major dent with the sale looming. Once this has gone I’m aiming for a more slow steady declutter thinning out the following Kon Marie ( you can’t hold and feel joy in over 1000 baby and toddler items that no longer fit kid any of your kids! So it’s cull then clear).

This is by far the most emotive part of my hoarding. It hurts me physically and killing me emotionally. I tell my husband this and think I’m making good progress but he does not get it. He tolerates it and rolls his eyes. I hint at my friends the massive task but hoarding is a dirty secret. I read on here someone call someone a dirty minging hoarder and wondered if I was minging too.

I have had CBT and go to a support group but that’s not helping right now.

Anyway. I want to succeed. I want to get rid. I can already feel myself closing down on day three and wanted to do nothing as avoidance doesn’t hurt.

Anyone want to hold my hand? Tell me I can do this? That it’s ok to not cling onto the baby days and dare to see a new, tidier, better future?

I feel so rubbish, I’m ashamed. Of myself, my hoard, my pathetic self destructive feelings. But I can’t help it. I can only try to get through this month and feel this pain. Once it’s gone i won’t regret it, it’s just the process I can’t face. Help 😭

I will hold your hand .I have a child with special need asc nonverbal challenging all the blah blah.
I still have a cupboard of jigsaws books toys she will never use but can’t seem to accept that they have to go.
I have done the clothes did it gradually she’s 9-
Gave to charity,
It’s going to be a task but a rewarding one.
Definitely hold your hand I feel quite tears now,

I hear you.

I had secondary infertility so wasn’t able to have another child. For a long time I found it very difficult to even think about disposing of some of these items. When I ran out of storage space for outgrown clothes I realised that I had to start doing something and began to shed stuff slowly.

My approach has been gradual disposal via Ebay and if I am not ready to sell any particular item, I put it aside for another time.

I am hoping to do a big clear-out on Friday, if that helps anyone.

I'm in the same place. I have boys and girls and my oldest is wearing Age 12 clothes so there is a massive backlog of outgrown clothes

My DH is very patient with it, but the hoard is becoming obstructive now as we're decorating the room it was all in. It needs to go. DH would take it all to the charity shop, but I have a fear they'll be overwhelmed by it all and just send it for recycling and I can't bear the thought of that. I need to know it's going to people who will use it.

I have found homes for some of it, and have joined a Pay it Forward Facebook group, where I'm hoping people will take reasonable sized bags for free. But I am sorting it slowly into those reasonable sized bags, including washing bits that have got grubby in storage and it all takes time I don't have.

I have periods of activity and progress and then months where I don't manage anything (and we live with the half-done piles getting in the way ). It is starting to negatively impact suddenly life because I can't let go of the baby days

No answers from me, but you're not alone.

Thank you for the kind replies. My middle one is dyspraxic with a language disorder and didn’t really talk until he was 5-6 and the other has quite severe ASD and was non verbal until recently. Both go to special schools and I have had years of being told they are fine. Some people in dh family still think they will snap out it so I’m trying to be kind to myself. No wonder I’m not in tip top mental health and coping with decluttering. I have accepted now that it was hard to battle for the sen schools for the kids while others didn’t even acknowledge a problem but this is the undealt with aftermath. Until I do this I never truly move on.

I decided late last night that anything that could still fit my youngest can wait till last. That takes some pain out of it. I’m trying to picture my how my life will be easier once their all at school but I’m not convinced.

I might put a timer on for just 30 minutes today and see how much I can do per day just on the outgrown stash. The rest can wait. I’m so worried I’m going to fail from the start.

Things I have found helpful are:

Work from oldest clothes to youngest. It seems hardest to let go of the really tiny items.

Trying to think positively about someone else using/enjoying the item. A pregnant mum bought some large items from me and sent some lovely pictures of the items all set up and ready for her baby, which really helped.

I also do the ‘tabletop’ style NCT sales where I have been really pleased to meet some lovely people and sell them some of my favourite items.

But I am still slightly dreading the moment when I get out all the baby clothes, which I am thinking of doing on Friday.

Maybedoctor I'm still struggling with the realisation that due to secondary infertility I'll almost certainly never get to reuse all the stuff I have stored up. I need to make a start at some point but it's so hard. And then there's that tormenting "almost"...

It is really hard. I had to accept that it wouldn’t be happening when I reached my forties.

Maybe save some of the baby clothes to make into a quilt, if you're at all crafty. I think there are tutorials online. Particularly useful for stained items as you can just use an unstained part. Get your very favourite item framed and display it as a reminder of those days and a reward for completing your declutter. Also, thanks in behalf of all the mums you'll be helping by passing items on.

Well done for tackling this problem- remember, a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.

Absolutely. Thinking about ‘all of it’ is so daunting. But you can do it a few items at a time. I sell/post something most weeks and it does gradually chip away at the task.

Perhaps pull out three of your least favourite items and start with those?

The memories should be in your head, not in the physical clothes. Keep one or two special items and let the rest go. Live in the present not the past. Your head will feel so much clearer once you let go of the clutter. The more you get rid, the easier it becomes. De cluttering can be quite fun once you get going!!

I make quilts so the memory quilt is a good idea. I have started a box for keepsacks too.

Hand hold here Medway! I also found it hard to let go of baby clothes (and I only have 1 kid!)

They definitely are a sunk cost so I wouldn't expect to make much on them, especially any for younger than 6 months.

If the sellings not going well you could consider giving them to places that will pass on to those in need. In my area there are a couple of places that advertise on FB when they need something. I found it was easier to let go when I knew they were going to another mum who needed them.

I didn't feel quite ready to do my giant sort-out today, as I had to have quite a stressful phonecall first thing and need to be in the right mood!

Compromising by spending my time listing some baby items on a specialist Facebook selling group. That's another way - as that way you can be really sure that people want your item and will make use of it.

I think I’m not going to beat myself up if I don’t have everything sorted by the end of the month. I have had a good root about and I have at least 200 things for the sale next weekend. I have done NCT sales for years but lately I only make about £30. This is a tabletop sale so if I don’t make much selling things for 5 - £1 then that possibly will be the best outcome and it will be easier to give to charity shops and nursery for their spares. I do 40 minutes sorting yesterday and I think there’s still two hours worth to get it right. I have literally piles and piles that fit her now. I couldn’t see how much until it was all together in a pile 😭. The stuff that fits right now I will only thin if I get rid of the two small stuff. Might take some photos too as that helps

I'm also struggling with letting go of the baby things - I have two DC's and my 'baby' turns 7 this weekend. Partly because I have wanted a third for a long time - I am nearly at the point of accepting it won't happen but there is still a little part of me that hopes it will. The biggest space-stealer is clothes - from newborn - 12/13 (that DC1 is just outgrowing). These are currently occupying the 'spare' room that should be DC2's bedroom.

I also still have their cot (admittedly a family cot - so that will stay), changing table (a really beautiful wooden one) and my pram from DC2. Most other things have gone, and I am in the process of listing some accessories for our Tripp Trapp high chair for sale (I completely forgot about them and found them a few weeks ago). I also have a load of reusable nappies and shoes, so many pairs of shoes. Plus toys!

Reading back I have more than I probably want to think about to deal with and it does need to be tackled now - I don't think it is good for my MH to be hanging on to all this stuff. I know the clothes have the most emotions attached in terms of sorting out so my 'plan' over the next few weeks is going to be:

• shoes - everything in good condition to charity, lots of good brands some barely worn due to rapid growth / wellies & winter boots DC2 might get use from in future cleaned, boxed and in the loft / anything too worn to textile recycling.
• reusable nappies - find a specialist selling page to list them on
• toys - sort / clean / check for completeness and drop to charity shop or sell, depending on type
• Tripp Trapp accessories - listing for sale
• cot - to be wrapped in plastic and put in loft
• pram - to be cleaned and decision made on selling / donating
• clothes - sizes DC2 will use (8 - 13) to be sorted and stored in labelled bags under bed. Out grown clothes to be grouped by size at least.

I have sold via eBay / table top sale (not NCT) in the past, but I decided unless an item is likely to make a reasonable amount of money it is easier to donate to our local children's charity.

Just got back from my table top sale where I made a messily £30 so dropped 100 PJs, newborn and 0-3 items at the nearest hospital for maternity and children’s ward. 50 things for charity and 50 for nursery ready to go as well next week.

So i think this is my turning point, the newborn stuff has gone, this is the first day of not hoarding baby clothes 😇

Well done! I found that imagining a child in the clothes made it much easier to part with them. A charity near me takes things directly to Lebanese refugee camps, and it was much easier imagining a child keeping warm in a coat, than thinking of it stored in our loft, hardly ever being looked at. Picturing a specific imaginary child helped me more than just giving to the charity shop for some reason...

keep it up!

Do you have a Babybank (or similar charity) near you? They take good quality used baby clothes and baby equipment and distribute it to families in need.

I am also getting rid of baby things. I am also very attached to the clothes! (and the shoes)

It breaks my heart but I have to 'get real'

No way could I have another baby, I have to think of the others and the impact on them.

It is hard to get rid of the stuff but there is no pressure on you to do this today, can you put them away until you feel ready?

Also I kept a few of the outfits that I loved. No harm in that!

Yes I did find myself fishing about five things out that I thought “I’m keeping this, I don’t care about needing it or not”

The other bits I just thinned into the causes I wanted to give too today. I now need to decide the “room” as in space I want to give to the remainder while I tackle it.

So I’m not doing it all in one big hit, but it would lovely if I could half it this month. Then it’s not so bad trying to sort the bits I love out.

I think as more bits go i will start moving on emotionally.