Baby and toddler and TOMM - help!

[UnconsideredTrifles]

I'm a SHM with a toddler and a 6m baby. They don't nap, ever. They're on the go from the moment I get up until they go to bed at 7, and they leave carnage behind them. The baby is throwing up constantly (no idea why, Dr not concerned), the laundry is around my ears and I can't remember the last time I dusted. DH works full time, does all the house maintenance and garden, cleans the kitchen and does toddler's dinner and bedtime so it's not a DH problem...

Those who've succeeded with the organised mum method - how?! When?! I have at best 3 hours between them going to bed and me collapsing with exhaustion, how can I manage to keep on top of things AND have a few minutes to have a shower?

I’ve not been going that long with TOMM but it’s going really well results wise. I’m on mat leave with a four month old so not so much as you to contend with but we’re sleep regressing hard and he only sleeps on me during the day so it’s really challenging at times to find the time and to motivate myself to get up and do it!

A couple of things that helped me get started:

1. I spent a few days using my spare minutes here and there to read as much as I could about the routine, sliced out some of the jobs (E.g. I only hoover main traffic areas on Monday and Friday, not every day and I focus on putting laundry away on a Tuesday and Thursday) and made a list of what I would consider essential for each room on their assigned day. Then I can just glance at the list and quickly do a job when I have a spare moment. I also bought new cleaning cloths and products.

1. I skipped bootcamp. I knew it would be too much, too overwhelming, too demotivating. This hasn’t really been a problem, I’m seeing huge improvements each week with just the daily cleaning.

1. I do my 45 mins a day In 5/10 min bursts across the day! I’m in the habit now of putting a wash in first thing and everything else gets done as and when, a little bit at a time. If I don’t get chance to do anything in the day, I do as much as I can while DH does bathtime with the baby.

1. If I miss a day or a task, I don’t try to catch up. I literally just forget about it and move on as if I let things roll over and build up, I’ll just stop.

That’s just how it’s worked for me but just wanted to say that it’s not impossible and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing!

Thank you bellajay! That's actually really helpful. I had been trying to get all the jobs done at once, but I can see that doing them in bits would be more doable. I've just bought a new Hoover (which I'm embarrassingly excited about) so I'm going to persevere!

Good luck with the sleep regression!

I'm similar to bellajay - I don't do mine all in one go, and also skipped bootcamp. I also don't try to catch up - just carry on as normal.

I like the 1 load of laundry a day rule - stops the piles of ironing/putting away. I do 1 load a day - put it on first thing in the morning, then make sure all put away in the evening.

Can the toddler/baby be contained whilst they play at all? Maybe in a playpen? I put mine in the (empty) bath the other day with some bath crayons whilst i did the rest of the bathroom, that worked quite well.

Toddler makes it really hard! I have 4 including a toddler and 5 month old at home full time so feel your pain.
What helps us:

1. Don't bother with boot camp. If it overwhelms you, see if you can do a bit of extra on the weekend with DH / a grandparent / a babysitter to help.. or even better, get a cleaner once a month or fortnight, if you can afford it to help with a deeper clean
2. Laundry daily and get your DH to help put it away and / or change beds during bedtime. My toddler also 'helps' with folding which keeps him busy. We do 2-3 loads every day so without this all would fail! Also drop standards a bit about what really needs to be washed - I try to get a couple of wears out of things, wash towels and PJs max twice a week unless the baby has been sick on them, etc.
3. Baby in a sling (I use mostly natural cleaning products like vinegar and bicarb so most things bar the loos don't have loads of chemicals about), and toddler either 'helping' with his own duster or handheld hoover or contained with a suitable toy. Also really work on teaching your toddler to tidy up as you go, it makes your life much much easier later on
4. Can you or DH ever do it early in the morning so one zooms around for 30 mins while the other is with the kids?
5. It's the hardest stage! Don't be too tough on yourself

Last one - I appreciate you've probably tried this, but it's extremely unusual for a 6 month old not to nap. Would he do it even in a buggy or similar? Or does he sleep masses at night (which would give you time then?)

Thanks for the suggestions!

Stuck, how are you still alive with four!?

Family are unfortunately all living a long way away, and the budget doesn't really stretch to cleaners (plus I'd feel the need to clean before they came, which might slightly defeat the point ...)

The baby genuinely does not nap. If we go out with the buggy they might sleep for 10 minutes, but that's it, and they wake up as soon as I pause. And the moment they're put down they start screaming...and they're on the 100th centile (ish) so the sling is only feasible for short amounts of time (seriously, this baby is the size of any two other babies at our groups!)

The toddler is VERY keen to help though, and is excellent at sorting laundry so I should capitalise on that

I've been doing a bit at a time this week, and feeling much less stressed - thank you!

I bought my son a black and decker dust buster hand held hoover when he was about 2. He loved it because it really picked up dust and crumbs. Best Toy Ever.

Glad it's working out! If you don't like slings yourself that's totally understandable but wiegjr shouldn't be an issue - I'm 5" and not especially strong, but with the right sling can still carry my 2 year old - although only on my back now. Do you have any sling meets bear you? Especially with a baby who likes to be held, they'll be able to either find you something more comfortable or help you adjust your current sling to make it more comfortable or give you some alternatives to try.
If it's hard to get out, it's worth googling a bit to check you have it adjusted correctly - it's quite common for people to wear them too low slung with a low waistband, loose arms and /or to have the back strap too high, causing the weight of the baby is pulling on your small shoulder muscles instead of sitting on your hips.

If you want to do the sling thing, look at getting him/her on your back. If you don't, that's fine. A hippychick is good with a toddler if they are up and down all the time, I haven't tried it with a younger one but it might spare your arms and back a bit.

I had a difficult sleeper and the worst of it was that made her cranky when she was awake too. It did improve though and I wouldn't rule out naps in the future. You don't have to solve everything right now. If this week's a little better than last week, I'd call that a stonking win.

I don't buy the laundry every day thing. I have laundry-free days, and try to target cleaning in "laundry slot" of non-laundry days. Otherwise I would do no cleaning, ever. And make it fit round you. I clean the bathroom on a weekend morning when I'm in the shower anyway and DH has the DC.