House is still a mess...

[Booksandpens]

I've been decluttering for years ages, and when the house is tidy, everything seems to have a home, so I don't think it's an issue of too much stuff, but the house still ends up looking like it's been shaken upside down by the end of the day. I just don't think I've learned how to tidy up efficiently, and it's actually depressing now.
I clean the kitchen this morning, but all the surfaces are already covered, and it only seems to be getting worse.
The worst is I'm a sahm, and youngest goes to preschool a few hours a day, but I never seem to get on top of tidying, which means I then don't have time to spend with the DCs because I'm fretting about the house.

I tried TOMM but it took so much longer than the estimated time, and it's disheartening seeing that whatever I do, within 3 hours the house is back to being a mess.

How can I improve? I'm thinking I might need a star chart just to remind myself to tidy as I go, but I'm an adult, and it seems absolutely pathetic that I can't get a grasp on the house.

Unfortunately it is tidy as you go.

Why dont you start with the kitchen. Before you serve, fill the sink with hot soapy water. Then when you're finished you can wash up straight away. Or fill the dishwasher, whatever.

Laundry take upstairs and put away immediately rather than put it down for ages.

Give the bathroom a wipe down every morning after you've used it.

All of that takes minutes.

I clean the kitchen this morning, but all the surfaces are already covered,

Ok so it’s not that you don’t know how to tidy efficiently, it’s that once you've tidied you don’t keep tidying as you go. What is on the kitchen counters? Start with that. Look at each item that is on the counters and ask yourself where it should have gone instead of the counter. Everything has a home, or somewhere that it goes before it can go home (like a knife in the dishwasher before the drawer.)

The key is to put things where they are supposed to go immediately rather than setting them down to be put away “later” (later doesn’t happen until there is a mess!)

On the morning empty the dishwasher so you can then put dirty dishes straight into it during the day
I have a constant cycle of laundry - so I will take the wet out of the machine and either tumble it or hang it up. The stuff already in the tumble or on the airer can then be put away and a new load of dirty from the basket can be put on to wash!
I find (although mine are a bit older) that putting all the crap on the table and saying in half an hour anything left will be put in the bin helps get things put away!!
Also I have a small fabric box that is full of ‘bits’ so anything I don’t have time to faff around putting away (eg a puzzle piece) or stuff I don’t know where to put goes in there. Helps keep the random bits tidy and I know where to look when looking for something!

The idea of TOMM is that you only spend 30 minutes per day. That way you don’t need to be spending all your time on housework.

You mentioned the kitchen counters, how did they get messy after you cleaned the kitchen?

OK, so kitchen was tidy, but then I made lunch and baked a cake, and although I put half the stuff away, I didn't do it all, like rinsing the tin of beans, or throwing away the now empty packet of sugar. And the whole house is like that. I never seem to finish a job. DH cooks and by the time he finishes the kitchen is cleaner than when he started, and it just baffles me!

Laundry is my nemesis... I'm very good at doing a wash a day, and getting it dry, but just this week I spent most of a day putting clean clothes away, as I've just been piling them up in big shopping bags.

It's always that last effort that is missing and makes the job endless and soul destroying.

And thanks to my wonderful example, the DCs are just as bad, the youngest being the worse, as they actively make more of a mess when I tell them to tidy up and neither puts anything away before starting something else (because they have learned by example and I don't do it)

Laundry is my nemesis... I'm very good at doing a wash a day, and getting it dry, but just this week I spent most of a day putting clean clothes away, as I've just been piling them up in big shopping bags.

Same here! Laundry is my downfall. I’ve decided to tackle it this week by gathering a basketload each evening and folding/ironing it in front of the soaps. It’s chipping away at the laundry mountain in my room without being overwhelming.

Laundry is my nemesis too, solely due to it needing ironing before putting away and my youngest cannot be left alone or leave me alone long enough to get it done in One hit.

The result is clothes all over the room there's the sprawling 'waiting to be ironed' pile and the neat 'ironed' pile and of course the 'ironed until youngest threw the pile and mum gave up for a bit'' pile which is everywhere.

I've given up ironing years ago. Still can't get the clean clothes away... 🙈

Good idea about doing it in front of the tv, maybe I'll try that.

I threaten the DCs with hoovering up their toys if they don't tidy them up. Basically if they do pick them up, they just dump them in their bedroom, so it doesn't really solve getting the whole house sorted, but does clear downstairs a bit.

As PP said, it comes down to "don't put it down, put it away" I can often be heard muttering this to myself particularly in the kitchen! So the baking ingredients go away as they're used (I.e. after each is weighed out); the laundry comes off the rack/out of the dryer straight into piles per person and everyone is then expected to put their pile away (DC have had to attempt this from young, by having picture labels on fabric cubes in their cupboards, of socks, trousers, etc, so they could have a go at putting stuff in the right box).

I am lazy, so this is basically all part of my strategy to do all jobs with minimal effort. Wherever possible, I try and make the "clean and tidy" option my easiest option - for example, if I've got to do the laundry (and apparently I do...) the detergent lives right next to the washing machine, the dirty laundry basket is also kept right there, everyone puts their stuff into that basket, which has a whites and colours section. Everything is set up to make it as quick and easy as possible. When it's dry, it is less work to sort it into piles right away and hand it off to other people, than it is to keep it heaped up in my way where I would have to keep moving it.

Are there any ways you could make your set up/layout push you towards tidy by making it easier for yourself?

I really try and make time count - so while the water was boiling for pasta today I got out the iron and ironing board. While the pasta was cooking the iron was hot so I did half a pile, then the other half while I was waiting for DC to finish eating. Then put it away while their bath was running - took seconds as I do one load at a time and never let it pile up. I work full time so I need to make use of every minute efficiently!

I'm the same, but in the midst of decluttering so I know I do still have too much stuff. DH was talking about getting a self-store place because he 'doesn't have time' to decluttering his stuff 🙄 It really does seem to be tidying up after yourself and not leaving jobs until later, tempting though that is.

I spent ages clearing out a corner today and it doesn't look much different as I've clearly not put everything away. Bit demoralising.

Currently wondering where hot water bottles live. Mentioned them in passing and got three at Christmas 😳

Do you have storage for the toys, or could you get something like plastic boxes for them to put the toys in?

A lot of things you can get away with not ironing. Do you dry things on a line or in a tumble dryer? For a washing line, try to put things into groups. So something like your underwear, 1 DC’s, next DC’s, DH’s. For socks try to put them on the line in pairs. Obviously don’t don’t drive yourself nuts with this. If you’re using a tumble dryer then shake the clothes and put them on a clothes horse until you have time to put them on hangers or into drawers. I find it easier to do washing throughout the week rather than all on 1 day.

As for the DC, don’t threaten to hoover up the toys. They know by now that you won’t so they call your bluff every time. Something that might get their attention would be removing toys that they refuse to pick up. Put them away and explain that if they keep the toys tidy they’ll get the toys back.

Things like the empty sugar packet, you can’t eat the cake until it’s cool so use that time to put the sugar packet etc in the bin and put other things back in the cupboards. Same applies to making lunch, if it’s beans on toast then rinse the can while the beans are warming.

Like MagicKeys try to organise things to make it easier for you.

We have slowly put in place things to make it easier, but either they are not quite working, or I need to get my act together and being more proactive (yes,yes, I'm pretty sure it's the latter).

I think 2019 will have to be the year I make a conscious decision to improve my tidying skills.

I'm going to steal the phrase 'don't put it down, put it away' for my DCs, it's great.

You and pps are spot on. If everything has a home, then you shouldn't need to have things left out as you go. My DH does what you do, even dirty dishes will be put on top of the dishwasher counter instead of inside, and often it's because he thinks he's rushing - bit in the end he saves 10 seconds in the moment, but adds 60 seconds later on to re-enter the room and put them away. Repeat

Oops posted to soon! Meant to say that once you've repeated this lots of times over the day, you've made yourself another 30 mins of tidying.

I have 4 DCs including a football mad eldest and very sicky baby so do 2-3 washloads every day, again you just need to fold.as you go, and I also sort by room, so that anything 100% needing ironing (eg a work shirt) goes on the ironing pile, while everything else is stacked by room so that as I go up I can drop off a pile at each door, and the DCs have to help tidy them up.
Also good for messy kids (and DHs) www.parents.com/news/mom-goes-viral-for-inventing-the-fucket-bucket-a-solution-to-all-her-kids-messes/.

Ha ha, I love the bucket idea. Ours just overflow as we don't empty daily (can you see a reoccurring theme here ?)
And you're right, my procrastination makes life harder in the long term.

I also try and do the "touch everything only once"/"don't put it down, put it away" school of thought. If I pick something up to use it, when I am done with it I really consciously try to put it back where it lives rather than down on an open counter.

So for example for baking, I get out all the ingredients, and then as I weigh out each ingredient I then put straight back in the cupboard one by one. I wash up the baking bowls as soon as whatever it is goes in the oven and dry and put them away.

The laundry I put in one load every evening - I set the timer to run the wash cycle to be done by morning and then into the tumble first thing in the morning, then DH and I fold/iron in front of the TV at night and put away on our way to bed. It's only ever one or max two loads so not too much. It never gets put down and then tackled later - touched twice, as it were - because it turns into a mountain terrifyingly quickly.

And finally with TOMM the idea is that you stop after 15 mins on Lebel 1 and 30 mins on the Level 2 tasks, whether it's still messy or not! It'll come back around tomorrow or next week or whatever. I found that the method really helps short circuit my perfectionist all-or-nothing tendencies where I was like...it'll take me 2 hours to properly clean so I won't even start. Actually you can do a tonne in 30 mins and then stop and pick up again next time.

Iron after every wash buy less clothing
The extra water bottles gift them to friends
Get rid buy less
Don’t over think it be gentle your doing well

DesertIslandPengiun - two of your hot water bottles live in the charity shop . One (if you will actually use it) might live in a bedside cabinet?

AdoraBell - last year DD2 was helping me clear out the attic, and we found a black bin bag which had been chucked up there following a "if you don't clear the crap off your bedroom floor, it's going in the bin" row 15 years earlier. Weirdly none of the treasures were deemed worth it after that length of time .

OP, every time you have something in your hand, tell yourself (out loud if you have to) "put it in it's place". Stop yourself moving on until it's been done. Develop it like a mantra for your DC and DH "where does it live? put it in it's place" until it becomes habit (28/30 days apparently). Do a sweep once a day "putting it in its place".

Once you've got into the habit of putting the obvious stuff in it's place (laundry/dishes/rubbish/boxes, packets, tins), then think about the things which don't have places. Why don't they have places? Do you actually need/use them? Do you need to make/find a place for them? It's been described as the "toothbrush principle" - you never lose your toothbrush, and that's because you always put it back in it's place when you're finished with it, you do it automatically without even thinking about it. So everything needs to become a "toothbrush", so there's no thinking involved in putting it in its place ifswim.

I sound a lot more organised and on top of things than I am in RL btw, I know all the theory, but the only thing that's helped me is to downsize to a flat with no attic or garage, and chuck out and charity shop almost everything from both those places. I still have piles of things, but I'm getting there slowly.

You need to learn to finish the job before starting another as well as tiding as you go.

Your laundry for example don't hid in bags put it straight away. And get rid of some clothes if it can take you a day to put the washing away you have far too many clothes.

MyVisionsComeFromSoup I lose my toothbrush a lot. I wander the house while brushing usually tidying up so it can be in any one of the bathroom, downstairs loo or en suite.......has also been found in 2 year olds toybox before too. I'm a lost cause for this haha.

As Clutterbugsmum said in terms of finishing a job, I find it helpful to re-frame what a job actually IS, so putting away ingredients and clearing bowls etc is all part of baking, not a separate job to do later - until those parts are done I haven't finished the baking task IYSWIM?

"...just this week I spent most of a day putting clean clothes away"

I think a timer might help on this specific thing. If you blasted through that like you were on a deadline, it should take much less than an hour, however big your backlog. I think you have a case of work expanding to fit the time available.

The kitchen is a bit of a special ilcase because you are genuinely working in there. I think maybe start with trying to keep on top of the living room. Give a quick swipe round before lunch and after dinner, put away anything out of place, get the kids to help. If you can get in the habit of picking it up soon, it becomes more natural to put it back straight away.