Can You Help A Struggling Slattern? (TW disgusting)

[NameChangeSoAshamed]

I have finally cracked and can't take the state of my flat any more. Up at this hour crying and feeling an inner itch of repulsion iyswim. I can't stop thinking about it now.
Council flat, could possibly swap at some point but obviously not in this state.
Everything is just disgusting, dust, black and brown dirt not sure if it's mould gunge everywhere, even in the washing machine.
I have mental health problems so struggle to clean, am so exhausted all the time.
I don't understand how it's this bad, I do try to clean, but I'm firefighting, not touching the sides. I don't know what I DO to create this. I don't actively smear dirt. I open (some) windows. It's just all piled up. I feel my attempts to clean only make things worse.
Flat is badly designed, causes me issues, there are so many crevices dirt just collects in, can barely keep track, it's badly ventilated and I kind of make things wet.
It can't all be me. It wasn't in the best state when I moved in 3 years ago, don't think the man who lived here before was very clean.
Carpets stained, tried to clean with spray and wet cloth, didn't work.
Cat had fleas, treated but I keep thinking they're back. I itch.
My hands are so dry, cracked and sore, even bleed sometimes.
I have had so many niggling health problems, I just want to not itch or hurt, I have fungal infections in the most embarrassing places, treatment from pharmacist isn't helping, I'm so dirty I'm rotting from the inside. Want to bleach myself.
Clutter, haven't even properly unpacked after 3 years.
I make lists but even if I did everything I wouldn't have touched the sides. I don't know HOW to address things, like the ceilings and windows are very high, or crevices I can't get into. Or the bathroom behind everything the pipes are so dirty. Windowsills ingrained dirt. Fridge ingrained dirt and rust, won't drain so has manky water. Bath ingrained dirt, I can't even clean myself. Everything flakes or has black stuff.
No wonder I'm so unwell.
I don't know where to even start.
Some things are probably the council's responsibility, various repairs, they never respond. Even the outside windows etc are dirty I tried to clean them didn't work. It's so embarrassing.
I'm obviously too embarrassed to have people round.
I ruin everything. I don't deserve a nice home.
I want to burn the whole thing down.
😭

This sounds horrible for you OP. Have you seen the GP recently? I'm wondering if they could give you information on organisations and services which could help. Let them know how much it is dragging you down. And ask for something from the GP to get rid of the infection you have.

Here's a link to Mind's info on housing and mental health:
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/housing/

OP, first of all you DO deserve a nice home. Everybody does. You are where you are because of things that have happened in your life, but you can change what's happening now, with the right support. Excellent advice from Polkasq and it sounds as though you definitely need some support from the housing provider to ensure that the flat is fit for purpose.

Seeing the GP and getting help will take time though. In the meantime, perhaps you could try this: re-read your post, but read it as though it were written by a friend of yours. Now write back to your friend. You don't have to post that reply here, but you can if you want to. I'm guessing that your reply to your friend will be full of compassion, support and understanding, rather than criticism and blame. From now on, try to speak to yourself in that friendly, caring voice, rather than criticizing yourself. It's not easy, but it becomes more natural over time.

Also, try listening to this podcast podcast.clutterbug.me/e/leveling-up-how-to-transform-your-home-life-with-one-simple-new-routine/ which might be helpful to give you a manageable approach. The Clutterbug lady is lovely to listen to and is very honest about her own difficult past, the mistakes she's made, and how she's learned along the way.

Good luck and

Do you have a friend that you could trust with everything you've said? It really sounds like too much for one person to deal with.

Meanwhile, if you feel that you can make a start, begin by clearing a space in one room. If you could have one room clean and tidy, which would it be? Start with that one.

Get a black bin bag and start in a corner. Put rubbish in the bag. Move everything else that doesn't belong. If you feel up to it, have another bag for charity donations. Some charities will collect from you if you ask. Aim to get rid of as much as you can. You may have to make other rooms worse to make this one better.

Keep working round the room even if you only do a few minutes at a time.

My old fridge had a channel at the back where manky water would collect. I used to have to poke it with a piece of wire to unblock it. Once unblocked, wipe the channel every day so that it doesn't happen again. Try to clean a fridge shelf every day until it's clean and tidy.

The more you bin, the less you have to clean. If you haven't unpacked something for 3 years, do you need it? Could you just donate the bags and boxes?

At our local library, there is a display for voluntary organisations - there must be one near to you that could help.

You are not disgusting 😘

Hi OP - it sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed at the moment, and with good reason. Our homes have a huge impact on the way we feel about ourselves.

Cynderella has some good tips there - having a good clear out will very quickly make things feel more manageable.

And having a set of fresh eyes may help you prioritise, so you have an ordered list to work through, rather than trying to tackle everything at once. Do you have an honest friend or neighbour that you could ask for help? It'll be really uncomfortable at the time, but so worth it.

It is salvageable, honest! And much more common than you think. You can do this.

Thank you so much everyone

I think that tackling clutter and sorting can be a lot harder than, say, just giving the windows outside a massive wash 😊
We moved somewhere the windows outside were filthy, and the sills pretty black.

I got large bucket hit soapy water and just made a lot of mess with it, then threw plain hot water at it. I used a soft broom for cleaning the window ledges! I don't care, whatever gets the job done. There was soap suds everywhere. Then I run a bowl of plain hot water with vinegar and use a chamois leather. This is so easy! Just wipe it clear and shiney.

Makes such a difference all round the house to see shiney clean windows and can be done super quick. Basically what in saying is to find your 'easy job' and just Chuck everything at it. You could start with the smallest room, like the bathroom. I would stick everything outside the bathroom and spray the whole lot from top to toe with whatever you have and a massive old rag. I have a lot of fun with the shower when cleaning bathroom. It washes everything for me. I have a really long handled brush that I put soap on for lathering, and do the entire shower/bath area then use hot only shower water to rinse off. It the easiest way I've found. By the time I've finished the floor is soaking wet! So get mop and floor soap of whatever variety and get in all the corners.
The loo I flush then Chuck cheap limescale remover down it and scrub everything all over with the brush. I clean it off with loo paper and throw that down the loo.

Only out stuff back in bathroom that you need, and maybe use sink to wash it before it goes back in if needed. I'll often say clean the shower area as I use it.

I think I might be a bit of a alternative cleaner, I bloody hate it, but I am awfully satisfied when its down. I do it in a rush and not in an orthodox way I think and I certainly make a big mess whilst doing it. Like I'll shower all the wellies in the bath and thrwo the massive dog beds in for good measure. By then the whole place is splattered with muddy wasted. I drag everything out and start with the hot shower like crazy. I also clean the sink when I am using it, so its a tiny job to just move everything out the way, run sink fullbof water and rub soap and water around by hand, I think unorthodox.

Start small, read this board for all the cleaning tips to save time and get great results.

When I get my chamois leather vinegar and hot water out everything gets done..telly..mirrors, mwave door, picture glass, windows inside then windows outside and I'll even go and sort out the car windows and mirrors!

I think I have anxiety issues

Handhold from me, OP

Back in 2010, I was in a bad state of depression. My house was similar to what you are describing. My CPN was out with me one morning and a mouse ran across her foot. She wanted me sectioned as I was in a severe state of self-neglect. Food was off but I still ate it, I didn't care, She then went from living room to bathroom and that's when she saw the extent of my hoarding and the state my house was in as well as me. The bath was full of stuff, as was the shower. The hallway to the front bedroom was blocked off by about a meter depth of stuff. The bedroom turned out to have rats. The other rooms were under siege as well. Things were dire. She got the GP to visit with a view to getting me admitted to hospital.

Thankfully the GP was sensible and suggested what I had been arguing with CPN that nothing was going to happen with it if I was on the ward 30 miles away and it would be the same when I got back and would be as overwhelming as ever. I was in physical pain but the cause wasn't diagnosed at that point.

GP upped the painkillers that I was on. Called a team meeting and a social work assistant was allocated to help me sort things out. I had intervention from the home treatment team to support my mental health. The SWA handed me a small cardboard box re the front bedroom with this was what I had to my most important stuff into. The industrial cleaners were coming in. I was given a small box for my bedroom and another for toiletries. She went thru everything in the kitchen with me, packing all utensils up and pots/pans etc and they were taken away temporarily to go thru wash cycles. All the clothes that sat around the place, some going mouldy as couldn't dry properly, were sorted as she worked with me. A lot was dumped as unsavable and the rest were bagged up and sent to launderette for industrial washing..

This all kicked off on a Monday and by Thursday 2 pm I was done all I could do, a lot of stuff had to be skipped. Things needed dumping. The stuff the landlord had never got around to repairing he was contacted and given a list and a date to come in and fix it.

It was arranged I would go to the "assessment flat" in local supporting housing as a temporary measure while my home was made habitable again. I was there for 3 weeks. In that time, the house was emptied and the stuff to the skip by the cleaners who apparently took it out in bin loads.

The pest control service then stepped in and they sorted out the rodent problems. They also got the landlord to deal with the mould problems.

While I was in sheltered housing my meds were adjusted as there was a twice weekly psychiatrist visit to the unit. So when I left I came home to an almost empty house, my friends had come in after pest control was done and gave it a clean and got food in.

I had the support of the SWA for 6 months to make sure I kept it under control. The CPN was allocated to visit weekly. The GP came to visit when I was home for a cup of tea and a look around. They knew how hard it was for me but knew I wanted to carry on living there. The landlord gave me hassle but he was a prat anyhow.

I was given a second chance. I had to pay for the pest control but the rest was funded from the MH budget. It cost me £300 for the pest control who visited twice a day and did their thing.

Before the SWA signed me off she referred me to a local floating support housing workers, who I have been linked it with at various times. They come and encourage sorting stuff, we do it together, have a laugh and most importantly they take stuff away asap out of the house so I can't change my mind. Its the support is the best.

They have made me feel like I'm worth it again and I can contact them anytime. I tend to sign up for 2/3 months at a time to get the support to declutter and reorganise and then I sign off.

You deserve a lovely home too. It's hard reaching out for help, it feels shameful to let people see the way things are. I had no choice as it was either that or hospital admission and admission wouldn't have solved any problem. It took practical help and encouragement and also getting away from it while some bits were done. I was 20 miles away from the house and so couldn't come and halt it easily while I was away.

So think about talking to your GP / CPN / SW as this is impacting on your mental health and you deserve help.

When I tried to do a clean myself it was usually the emergency cleaning from UFYH

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/the-value-of-before-and-after-pictures/?pagenum=1

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/unfucking-with-a-chronic-illness-or-chronic-pain/?pagenum=1

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/cleaning-triggers-my-anxiety/?pagenum=1

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/the-depressionmessy-house-cycle/?pagenum=1

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/i-think-my-home-is-beyond-help/?pagenum=1

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/emergency-cleaning/?pagenum=1

Cheering you on from here and hope this gives you some hope, things can get better. Talk to GP first to see if can help pain, infections, mood and go from there. One small step at a time

Smurfy that sounds like a very well thought out plan, I’m glad it helped. I think that asking you to choose a box full of items for each room was a particularly good strategy.

smurfy wow you've come a long way! Well done, and it really does show how far you can go with the right help and approach to support you. I hope you are doing OK there name

to both

smurfy well done, that has really given me hope . Unfuck your habitat looks really good.
I do need help to do it. Have a support worker but she's never seen anywhere other than the living room which is the least bad room, and I frantically clean it as best I can before she comes round. I need to say something to her.
I've been pretty badly depressed and exhausted, sorry for not responding more but I've read and am processing, thanks aĺl.

That was the only room the CPN saw until that morning with me as well as my front door opened straight into the living room so she never needed to go anywhere else.

I tended to do a runaround and tidy things a bit by shoving in bags before she came and hiding them. That morning I was that low, I hadn't the physical or mental energy to do it.

Hiya, where do you live? I'm happy to come and help you if you aren't too far away x

Firstly, you absolutely do deserve a nice home.

1. Main rule of life: one thing at a time. Don't try and tackle everything at once. Even if you do one thing a day. Stop with the lists (and I say that ands a list lover) but it's too overwhelming in this situation.

2. Open your windows daily. The fresh air will be good for you. It will also help with any moisture in the air. It might help to motivate you, I personally find open windows make me want to clean.

3. Print out your post or write down all of the points from it and take it to your doctors or call citizens advice and see if any help is available.

4. Don't try unpacking first or you'll have more to clean.

5. The dirt is a good place to start. Clean anything with black on it. Maybe you do the inside of the windows and the windowsill of one room today. Then tomorrow you move onto the next room and do the same. Then when all of them are done you move onto the nooks and crannies of one room and so on.

6. Try and throw out one or two things each day. By the end of the week you would have thrown away 7-14 things!

I think little and often might be good for you, so you start getting in the swing of it but you know you're only doing that one thing that day and so it's not too overwhelming. Try not to think about everything that needs doing.

I would love to help too if I can and you are near enough/feel safe enough with that?

I guess you shouldn't post on hear tho where you live, but many hand make light work, and I can certainly get windows and bathroom done in short time. You just need some large boxes for everything to go into. They can be stacked somewhere whilst cleaning done and then cleaned as they are unpacked/sorted/kept/thrown out.

When do I start?

Another one offering some help here if you want it. I’m in north west, and new to this board, but would be able to help if you happen to be local.

OP, well done for posting on here and being honest about the situation. That’s the hardest step and you’ve done it!

Is your support worker any good? Does she know about all the services she can tap into on your behalf? We have a dads’ group at our local church for dads who only see their DC at weekends. They felt they wanted to put something back into the community so they started offering themselves out for odd jobs and cleaning for vulnerable people in the community. I got them in for a mum I was supporting and over the course of a weekend (when they weren’t seeing their DC) they completely blitzed the downstairs of the house, including. Leaning the carpets professionally and replacing a broken door. They painted the living room and dining room walls and cleaned all the windows. All those bits you sit and look at every night, like the grime around the radiator, they cleaned it.

If your support worker can find services like that, local and able to start quickly, that would be amazing.

Good luck!

Aww love!!! You deserve to be happy and living in comfort. I am happy to help if you are close to me. Also in North West, so would love to team up with @treezylover and help if you are in the area!!

Start small op. Just focus on a room a time. I’ve been in your position. This is what I did.

Put a basket in each room. If you walk past something and it shouldn’t be in that room put it in the basket. When you go to bed at night empty each basket to the correct room.

I started by sorting my bathroom first. It’s the smallest room and often looked the grimmest so when it was done it actually shamed the rest of the house. It also meant when I’d spent time cleaning elsewhere I had a room to get back to.

I then spent a week (and due to my mh and disability issues what would take an hour for most took me a week) doing windows and curtains.

Then I spent ages doing the kitchen. I chucked anything I didn’t use regularly in for recycling and de cluttered down to basic supplies. I don’t have room for twenty in my flat and yet I had the crockery to feed them all.

Then I did my bedroom. And then the living room, hallway. The last thing I did was the carpets. And I got a carpet cleaner in to do that.

Just take your time and celebrate the small victories.

@NameChangeSoAshamed checking in on you, how is things? Did you get to the GP?

If you can print this document, it will help you ask for help either with support worker or with GP, GP can refer you onto to social services who may pass you to a floating support worker in housing, this is to help you sustain your accommodation and be in a livable condition and help you have a quality of life again. As you are a council tenant, the council probably liaises with a charity who employ the FSW

drive.google.com/file/d/1VQKgxiWyJaP00_WjkhU0-RPwOJoqlmA7/view?usp=sharing