Getting everyone to chip in

[itis]

How do you get everyone in your household to chip in with keeping the house clean and tidy without being a nag!?!
I have 3 ds all under the age of 9 and dh and would love for them to help out a bit more as they all live here too! But just sound like a nag all the time. Any tips would be gratefully received

Consistency, from the start.
A way of the dc seeing "it is fair" - whether that is a rota or fixed jobs, but an understanding there i no negotiating from it. (Later, when they get older and are out the house more, you do need to be more flexible, but by then, they should have the idea that they still contribute).
Giving them some control / a choice, but a choice where none of the options are 'not to do anything'.

Job rota here too. Think of jobs that kids of different ages can realistically do, and ideally where they can see that they contribute to making the mess! Eg wiping off dirty fingerprints on the stairs and doors, cleaning door handles - even very small people can do this. Wiping the loo seat and hinges is another job that, say, a 7yo can have a go at. I have boys and the one with worst aim has to do loo cleaning duty. They have their own set of rubber gloves and own cleaning kit.

I divided it into jobs that nobody really wants, eg cat litter, and jobs that are easy, eg vacuuming. You only get one unpopular job each. Jobs rotate monthly so nobody has to do the same unpopular job for long. Some jobs are daily, some weekly. Printed out the chart and put on fridge with a dry wipe pen. Jobs have to be done before anybody gets to go on the computer / do whatever their leisure activity is.
Each month you can just move the names on the jobs list around in turn and print out a new version.

Even if someone is incompetent at the job, they have to stick at it until they have learned to do it properly. Otherwise they have an incentive to be strategically useless, and we all know adults like that! This way, the fastest way for them to get moved off a disliked job is to do it properly.

It still takes a lot of managing to make it work, but it's worth it as you're teaching them to appreciate what goes into running a home and to empathise with others who clean.

Are you a sahm or do you work? If you're a sahm it seems reasonable that you do more than the partner and kids, but you still shouldn't be doing all of it. Like you say, they live there too!
When I went back to work full time my husband said he thought the housework was evenly split. So I went a made of list of every household job I could think of, and labeled which jobs are usually done by whom. It was eye opening for both of us! I asked him if he thought it was fair that we both work the same hours outside of the home, but that I was also doing 90% of the housework. I asked if he'd be happy for his son to grow up like that. He said no, we split the jobs more evenly and so far it's working well.
I don't have any tips for older children, but with my 4 year old, I just repeat the mantra 'in this house, we all work' and I give her jobs to do. I make sure that we are both doing jobs at the same time - if she's sweeping under the table, I'm loading the dishwasher. I don't bribe her because I told her that no one gets paid to clean their own house. We have a set routine so we all do he same jobs every day. I'm pretty strict, lol.

Just saw that you asked about getting DH to chip in too. I failed miserably at that. He just said that he earned enough to pay for a cleaner. I do feel that seeing their father doing his fair share in the home would have taught the kids more good habits than all my years of rota charts. @cleancleanclean, sounds like you have a very sensible approach. Reminds me of a quote - forgotten where from, but:
"Apart from babies and invalids, nobody is too young, or too male, to help with housework."

MaryPeary that's depressing! Will he not even pretend to believe cleaning's not beneath him for the sake of your children? All the same you are way ahead of me with the children.

I think when our children were littlies we were pretty good - tidying toys, sorting socks yada yada. However we haven't really stepped it up as they've got older and busier. This hols we are starting a new regime. Here's what we agreed:

• everything has to have a slot scheduled. Nothing happens in our house unless it has has been given a timeslot.
• Everyone jointly does a 10 min tidying blitz after tea, then takes up their pile from the stairs and puts it all away
• The dishwasher goes on every night, and we have a rota for emptying it by teatime (if we're out) or lunchtime (if we're in).
• Children to do one job from a shortlist each week, eg vacuum lounge. (Note this can only rise...!)
• Everyone to pitch in with laying table/clearing up after breakfast and lunch generally, and laundry when asked.
• I also have a weekly rota TOMM-style (ish) which I plan to involve the others with more over time.
• No tablets or TV until after jobs, homework and music practice.
• Husband does a lot of the everyday stuff like tidying and wiping down kitchen every evening. That does leave me with a good chunk of the brainspace/wifework stuff, but he usually works later into the evening on "chores" than I do and I do feel he's doing his bit. He doesn't think it's beneath him, and he doesn't mind doing the unglamorous jobs.