Why can't I keep on top of everything? How do you do it?

[Honey1975]

My house is a permanent mess. It's not unclean thanks to our cleaner who comes every 2 weeks but it is always messy with clutter everywhere. There are piles of clothes everywhere, school stuff, admin, toys, shoes & bags & random crap in the hall despite having a shoe rack.

I work pt but when I'm arouund in afternoons I don't achieve much as am trying to cook tea which dc's always moans at they are so bloody fussy.

I can't keep on top of the washing and never iron. I will tidy and declutter an area and a few hours later it's a tip again.

DH helps but it's still not enough to keep on top of things.

I have a chronic condition which is usually managed but can make me tired and stiff and then all I want to do is rest. Then nothing gets done, no one can find anything, the stress mounts and this makes my condition worse!

I just can't seem to do it. Perhaps I'm not cut out to be a wife and mother. I'm fed up of feeling like this and being so rubbish.

Please tell me what you do to be organised and keep on top of things.

put*

wash*

I only iron things that are absolutely necessary too.

Honey - I drew some rough sketches of what I wanted and a guy who is an expert in CNC and a cabinet-maker is doing the whole thing for me from there! It worked out significantly cheaper than the same kind of thing from a joiner. It is quite a bit more than Ikea, though! For a cheaper option, check out Jali - they do kits that you can tailor to your space.

Oh, and getting a dryer has been life-changing for me. I have never been big on ironing, but now I can disguise that fact so much better!

There's one thing I've lost in the clutter in my house and no matter how much I try, I simply can't find it. Where can it be?

Any ideas??

(It's my motivation by the way)

at PastBananas.

I know the feeling! I'm trying to do one thing a day to make life better. Not to keep on top of things, but to actually improve things. It can be something as small as tidying a drawer, or getting rid of something I don't need.

Thanks pigmc I will look into that. I did get someone round ages ago but he didn't really inspire me with suggestions and I wasn't really sure what I wanted! I need to start with some drawings of my ideas like you say and then get some quotes.

Sorry pigmc one more question, what's the difference between joiner and cabinet maker? Are they both carpenters?

Rabbit I'm loving your thinking.

I'm going to try and "empower " my 7 yo. Who's room is like a Lego pig-sty.

honey - I dunno if this will help, but here's how I approached it:

• I started by making a list of all the problems I had. Felt a bit overwhelming, this, and it was a bit of a downer!
• Then I wrote down next to each one how I would ideally solve it and where e.g.

Problem: piles of mail on the kitchen surface because I can't be arsed to take them upstairs and file them
Solution: need a filing system that is easy to use nearer the front door, so that I sort and file things as they come through the letterbox. Also, need a 'to do' tray!
Where: need a bureau/filing section of the Life Wardrobe in the dining room. Needs to have an in tray, stationery (esp pens, envelopes), place for stamps where I won't lose them, hole punch, and all the house files above.

etc. etc. etc.

Then from that I figured out how much space I'd need for each thing, and I could plan the storage space I needed.

I have just had major building work done so I did this for the entirety of my downstairs - new kitchen, new utility, new bookcases, new bootroom etc. It's been a HUGE amount of thinking/organisation. But the good thing is, when you get it right, it runs itself. So one of my goals was to have a kitchen that was always spotless, and I've achieved that permanently by having a kitchen where nothing is out except the kettle - everything else is in cupboards or drawers, which are properly organised with cutlery trays, pot lid holders etc (all from Ikea!). It makes wiping down a breeze.

From what I can gather, a cabinet-maker is a more fancy joiner. So a joiner might do your skirting boards and fit floors, but a cabinet maker is a joiner with the additional skills to make lovely joints, and do finely-graded work.

The guy I am using is just starting out as a furniture-designer/cabinet maker, which has made it more affordable. Where are you in the country - if you're anywhere near Yorkshire/Derbyshire, I can give you his details!

I'm a SAHM with a two year old and another on the way shortly with a reasonable sized 4 bed house and garden.

DH gardens, I do not. So that sorts that. He also does all paperwork/admin relating to the house and cars (insurance and the like). I pay bills, do the shopping and cook for us all.

With regard to the house I find that doing a little bit of lots of things each day keeps on top of it with a big clean once a week. So every day I'll do the following:

A load of washing (clothes)
Tidy generally
Wipe kitchen sides
Wipe round downstairs loo and ensuite and bleach in toilet
Run vacuum round downstairs (thanks to toddler!)
Dust around sitting room (every other day)

Then weekly:

Change beds & wash
Dust thoroughly everywhere
Deep clean bathrooms upstairs
Wash towels
Hoover while house thoroughly (as in use the nozzle for cobwebby bits etc not just run it round quickly)
Deep clean kitchen including hob
Clean skirting boards

I do t think you're rubbish at all. I spent the first 18 months of DDs life chasing my tail with housework and the house never looking nice. It's easier now because she joins in, plus I've just got organised. I usually spend all Monday morning doing my thorough clean, then just the daily bits here and there as if fits around whatever else I'm doing. Tidying gets done at toddler nap time and bedtime and hoovering after toddler dinner time - no point otherwise

A really useful tip I read on here was not to waste time loitering about - so if you're boiling the kettle for a coffee, then quickly wipe the kitchen sides while your waiting. That sort of thing. It does work!

Oh pigmc that is so what I need!! I have all the same issues and have tried a couple of things but am never happy with them. We moves house last year and I've been just getting used to the house before making any major decisions about how to organise stuff. I have already bought and sold a bureau off ebay as I really thought it would solve my problems but it didn't look right in this house as it was like an antique. I sold that one and bought another off gumtree but it's too big for the living room and there's not enough room to sit at it properly. Also when I put all my paperwork in it I forget it's even there so don't action it!!
My DH thinks Im mad and doesn't get my desire to organise. I just wish I was better at it.
I think I need to do exactly what you have done and get it all down on paper before getting people round.

Which room is the life cupboard going in?

I am slowly making a place for everything.i may have bought a label maker to label everything. It's geeky but it really works. Some parts of my house are super organised. Others still look like a skip has been emptied in it but rome wasn't built in a day! It has to be a team effort.

One thing that has really helped us is a drawer unit in our kitchen (hall or living room would work well). It has four deep drawers and each of us has our own drawer. Any crap found gets tossed in the drawer and then every so often we have a sort out. I put a cork board inside a kitchen cupboard to keep all the letters from school in. We have a blackboard and calendar in the kitchen too which is great. I also take photos on my phone pig birthday invitations, letters from school, etc. Google has an app called "keep" which lets you attach reminders to photos.

I love the story of the crazy organising made up by the children!

Everyone needs to get on board though. We have developed a good routine of shoes in the basket by the front door, little one gets those in the morning while the seven yr old feed the cats and I get the coats.

That all sounds good Sunnyside, i like the idea of the drawer thing.

I still feel like I'm not making any progress. Everywhere I turn it's cluttered and stuff needs doing. DH is away this weekend and I would like to take the DC's out but there is so much to do before back to work Tuesday.

I really feel like I'm a fighting a losing battle as no sooner is my back turned DD has made more mess. What frustrates me is that she has a big bedroom full of stuff but she won't play in there as she doesn't like being on her own! She ends up bringing toys, books, paper & pens all over the house. It is literally in every room including my bedroom and I hate it! They have a playroom too which ds hogs most of the time on his xbox!

I have to say it's really getting me down as I just don't know where to start. And now the sainsburys delivery has arrived so I've got all that to put away, washing to do and hang out and kitchen to clear up.
How am I supposed to get out and actually enjoy the weekend with my dc's? I feel like I'm neglecting them.
On top of this I've not been feeling great with my condition.
I just can't do it all.

I think a big part of this is getting rid of stuff. I'm not naturally comfortable with paring down our belongings because I'm predisposed to emtouobak attachment to things from my family and I hate wasting money so can always see that I could sell something BUT I've realised that life is easier wuty less stuff and the quickest way to get rid is to give stuff away. I've now identified a few families who like a bag of second hand clothes and have children of the right size and I regularly go through the DCs wardrobes and drawers and am becoming ruthless. When we were little we had one party outfit and one or two coats and my children have options for everything which makes storage and tidying a lot harder!

If you're using every afternoon to prepare tea, this maybe a good area to change in to regain some time. Can DH prep the following day's meal the evening evening before? I batch cook, meal plan and have also drastically lowered my standards as to what an evening meal consists of to reduce thinking and preparing time.

For school letters I take a picture on my phone and then bin the real one unless a skip has to go back and then I return it into their bags the same day. One of the parents who sorts the class FB group puts pictures of all the letters on the FB page which is helpful too.

Thank you QuickWash, you don't know how good that's made me feel
when you said to lower your standards re evening meals as this is another stressful area in our house. My dc's are so fussy I find it really hard to think of meals everyone will eat and still be healthy. I am ashamed of the amount of food I've been throwing out too. Perhaps I just need to simplify?

honey is your dds room tidy? I ask as my dd doesnt play in hers when its messy but if its tidy she will! She is also terrible for moving stuff around the house. I now make her put things back which she hates

I'vegotfamily, no her bedroom is not
particualarly tidy either. She likes to be around us all the time and so follows us around with her stuff everywhere.

I am seriously considering getting them to bed early tonight and just staying up as long as possible to declutter as much as possible. Hit it hard in one go? Anyone done this?

@Honey definitely simplify meals! Make a list of what meals are winners or what ingredients everyone likes and then play around with those and write a list of what you can do with them. There's probably more than it feels like. Focus on a balanced diet over a week rather that each meal and remember it doesn't have to be hot food all the time. Mine like picnic plates and toddler tapas :)

Thanks QuickWash that's helpful. Mine also love picnic food & wraps in this weather. It's just the main meal after school I find a nightmare. My DS is particularly tricky, he doesn't like any green veg, the only green thing he will eat is green beans but I can't face eating those several times a week!

RunRabbit that is a spectacular idea!

OP you could have a tidy up time - mad 10 mins, say after tea, when you all clear away anything out of place. That would mean DD tidying away her various gubbins back to her room. Or something like one of those ikea rolly trolleys for her to keep it all downstairs but neat might make it much easier. Anything she brings down is her responsibility to put away before bedtime. Easy come, easy go. You just deal with the "next layer down" of clutter. Start just moving stuff to the stairs too and train DC to take anything that's theirs up to their room when they go. (I'm still working on this though - apparently there's an invisibility vortex on our stairs.)

On meals I think you should give yourself a break. If they are having a school lunch, give them picnic bits a few days a week and eat later with your DH. You could cook for you & DH one night and reheat the next, cutting cooking time. I know it's not ideal and we should all be eating as a family, but cutting some corners keeps you sane sometimes, and it will probably improve their veg intake. Or do the same chicken for everyone but veg you like for you and grated carrot or whatever the kids will eat for them.

Pig that is fabulous! I’m taking notes!

I do a tidy up for half an hour in the evening before bed. I never feel like it, but it makes a massive difference in the morning. I feel like my efforts last so much longer too. I start somewhere small and easy (in my case the hallway but you might choose somewhere else that works for you) and I work towards the worst areas. By the time I get there the momentum helps me carry on.

When decluttering or tackling a problem area, find a home for each item before picking up the next, but don’t sort into piles. It’s inevitable that you’ll be interrupted and not get back to the job for at least a fortnight, by which time the piles will have merged and the mess will look ten times worse. Dealing with one item at a time seems slow but if you have to stop then at least you’ve achieved something.

I have mixed feelings about getting the dc to help because it’s three times slower and takes ten times the energy as doing it yourself. Obviously there’s a duty to teach them survival skills, but I count this as another job for me, rather than a benefit. Sometimes you have to prioritise getting stuff sorted when it needs to be done, and teach the dc to pull their weight when you have the time and energy for that.

I have to add that I’m in no way qualified to post on this thread I’m not quite on top of stuff now, and once the dc are home on summer holiday whatever tenuous grasp of household management I’ve got will slip away completely.

Definitely try the Organised Mum method. She reckons after an initial blitz you can keep on top with half an hour a day and have weekends off! I started last week with a big tidy up - did a thorough tidy and clean in one room each day - and have just been maintaining this week. I'm still doing some organising and decluttering as I go so it's taking longer at the moment, but I can see how much quicker it is and the house feels so much cleaner and more organised. There is a playlist with uplifting tunes and it helps me to think that mums across the country are doing the same thing as me! She's got a website with downloadable check lists - I love a list 😂 My kids' bedrooms have stayed tidy for two whole weeks now, which is unheard of! Highly recommend this system.