saying no/ advising of wanted gifts

[DropItLikeASquat]

I completely decluttered my house last year (may 2017) and have since been very purposeful with what we buy and allow into our home. The kids ar totally on board (which is a total blessing) as it means less tidying for them and more space and time overall for us to enjoy spending time together.
The difficulty I'm having is that my family don't necessarily understand/agree and continue to keep buying us 'stuff'.
my mum is incredibly generous and regularly buys the kids toys/sweets/ stuff and while its good at the time, they are often toys that will be played with for a bit and then join the floordrobe/ mess.
I very casually explained to my relatives that we are no longer buying excessive toys unless its something that will get lots of use, i.e. lego/ craft stuff etc.
this was completely ignored and will continue to be ignored.
how do I approach this. Ideally for Christmas etc we would like family gifts such as board games/ memberships etc so we can use them all together to make memories but Im not sure how to ask for these things without sounding rude.
also my family are always buying clothes for my kids. its such a lovely thing for them to do and I appreciate that they think of us but I always end up with such excessive amounts of stuff that a lot of it doesn't get worn before its out of season/size and my gut tells me to sell it on or return for something we do need but again, is that being really selfish?
We are really trying to make efforts to reduce our waste and be conscious consumers and coming from a family of spenders this is really difficult for me and takes almost daily effort for me to not go shopping but its really important to me and the kids (who are all big animal/environment lovers).
I hope this makes sense and I'm not coming across as a selfish spoilt bitch.
thanks guys xx

I don't think you seem a selfish spoilt bitch. I would just tell them you are trying to have less stuff and let it go though. Stuff that's not needed could be passed on to charity etc.

Well done on decluttering and getting the kids onboard! I'm desperate to sort our house out as well but it's hard with a 3 and 1 yo.

Do they ever ask what you would like for Xmas or birthdays? If not, I would just bite the bullet and make suggestions - you could justify it by saying you want to avoid duplicating gifts? Or suggest you do a secret Santa so each family member only gets one Xmas present.

Are the clothes that you receive ones you would like your kids to wear? If so you could cut back on the stuff you buy for them yourself (although I would find this difficult as I like to pick the things myself).

We have this issue too as my ILs live 2 hours away and buy each child a present each time we see them. When we go to visit them, we just leave the toys there so they have something at the GPs to play with. This avoids it cluttering our house but obviously doesn't solve the environmental issue.

I would also repurpose some of the things as gifts - see what you can pass on that way if the kids won't notice!

You have my sympathy! I'm really keen to keep the amount of stuff in our house to a minimum - I just find it makes me really restless as I feel a constant urge to tidy things away! I also hate the environmental impact.

Thats what I was thinking mike, I'm happy to passs things along or return for stuff that we do need. I just don't want to upset people. Does anyone else re-gift or just stash until needed.
its the clothes I mostly find difficult. My family has very different taste to what my kids do and my little girls just won't wear some of the 'grown up' style clothing that my family buy them. Preferring pink hearts, rainbows and bold prints rather than tweed or denim stuff.
I will take your advice mike and tell them that. then just let it go and pass on what we don't want/need. :-)

I could have written your exact post OP (but with the ILs rather than my own parents). I am of the mindset that where possible a gift should be something to be treasured or enjoyed for a long period of time, such as a book or a board game, or Lego as in your post, however the gifts we receive, while I really appreciate the thought, end up being clutter and unloved/unused which is such a shame.

We have even tried specifying what DS might like; for Easter I suggested a small set of rattles similar to some a friend’s DD has that he loves and instead he received a slide for the garden that DS is far too young for (6 months and box states 3+).

Since Christmas I’ve had several conversations with DP and explained that while I fully appreciate that they like to spoil DS, it’s completely unnecessary, and as a result we have sat down with ILs and explained this (I also suggested that perhaps DS could go out with them for the day rather than being bought a gift as the memories are worth so much more) and it clearly went in one ear and out the other! I’ll be watching with interest to see if there’s a better approach to take!

You have asked family and friends not to buy you stuff and explained the reasons why. If they then ignore you, then you are free to regift the item, pass it on to a charity shop or sell it or exchange it for something you actually need. More importantly you should do so with a totally clear conscious.

Remember that you are teaching your children valuable life lessons. Not to be materialistic, not to think that buying things for the sake of it is a good thing and to know that they don't need "stuff" to be happy or to give them self worth.

So hold your head up high and continue to enjoy your clutterfree home with your family. Don't let others ruin what you have worked hard to achieve, no matter what their good intentions are.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I like to think of myself as a 'reverse hoarder' - I like to keep things minimal and tidy.

My mil is constantly buying tat for my kids, we have gently hinted that we don't want it but I think she just enjoys buying things for them. I would much rather she put £1-£2 in their piggy banks instead.

I've actually given up now, things that aren't useful or clutter or fall apart get put in the charity bag or thrown away. I'm not going to have a house full of tat just to please someone else!

Just to add - What annoys me is that they think that nanny is rich and has lots of money because she's always buying them stuff. My mum spends the same amount but less often!!!

I’ve just read this thread in AIBU which deals with the same issue. Some good suggestions in there which might help you!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3215446-Fecking-hoarding-by-proxy-Anyone-else-have-relatives-who-do-this