I’m sick of this too op.
My DH used to be super clean and tidy years ago when we were dating, and in our first few years of marriage. His behaviour actually really positively affected me (I’d grown up with 2 hoarders in my family, and had developed learned behaviours from them), and I realised for the first time how lovely it was to have a clean and tidy home, with minimal clutter.
I noticed over time that he was starting to become more untidy, but attributed this to is living in a tiny studio flat, in which I’d taken up most of the storage for my items. When we got a mortgage and moved into our own flat however, this is when the problems really began.
There was a lot of furniture left in the flat from the previous owner, and my DH didn’t want to part with any of it. Most of it was mismatched and of dreadful quality, and some things were broken (drawer units and bookshelves mainly). I really put my foot down, and once we’d started to unpack, he began to see that some of it was a problem. I called the council and had them remove all the items that we’d agreed on, although I was desperate to see more go.
We then had to put up with still too much useless furniture in the flat, clogging up vital space. On top of this, he is an exercise freak, and runs, goes to the gym and rides a bike every week. He has 3 chests of drawers in our bedroom which are full of clothing for those activities, and for swimming too, as he also does that in his holidays. This still isn’t enough for him - he has casually turned the spare room that I at 36 weeks pregnant really want/need to make into a nursery, into his ‘dressing room.’ He has covered the double bed in there in a variety of sports clothes and shirts for work - it’s a complete mess. He also has a heap of trainers (around 12-15 pairs) and socks littering the floor, which he doesn’t attempt to keep neat. In our bedroom, he has a heap of trainers, boots and shoes (around 20 pairs), and what used to be a pile of clothes in a corner has extended, and they now just litter the floor along his side of the bed.
In the spare bedroom, and in our DD’d bedroom, he has around 10 jumpers, 8 jackets, and about 20 suit jackets that he never wears, but will not let me sell them on EBay or give them to charity. He also has so many books that he really no longer needs, as well as gym equipment that he doesn’t use, as he goes to the gym, just clogging the place up.
What is really pissing me off, is his absolute reluctance to get rid of the double bed in the room we need as a nursery. It’s a small room, and it’s not practical to have a bed of that size in there, but he’s always insisted that we must have a spare room available for any family who may want to stay. I have told him many times that we are not a hotel, and do not have the luxury of space to not use a whole room appropriately. He very reluctantly, and half heartedly agreed that the bed could go 2 months ago. I said I’d try and sell it, but he made excuses and said we’d just throw it out (delaying tactics). I’m now heavily pregnant, and he said to me at the weekend that we can get rid of the bed frame, but we must keep the mattress for family to sleep on! I asked where the fuck is a mattress going to go? He said we’ll store it behind some furniture or under one of our beds. I told him to stop being ridiculous, and that it wouldn’t fit under the beds, and which furniture is it supposed to ‘hide’ behind. He couldn’t answer. I asked him where on earth the mattress would be placed for visitors to sleep on, and he said completely normally ‘in the sitting room!’ This is not some kind of shelter ffs!
So, the bed is still sat in the ‘spare room,’ and due to the size of it, it blocks the doors of the built in cupboard in there. I can open the doors and get in between them when I don’t have a huge bump, but now it’s virtually impossible. I need to organise this cupboard with items for the baby, so now they too are just sitting around in piles.
I have taken so many of my own clothes, accessories, books and ornaments to charity over the last 5 months, but I still have too many things, but have so much less than my DH or my DD. It really doesn’t help either that the 2 hoarders in my family buy copious amounts of presents for each of us for Christmas, Birthdays and Easter, and also whenever they visit they won’t just bring cake or biscuits, they also bring at least one or two things for my DD (art materials, clothes and accessories or toys). One of them visits twice per week, and always comes laden. I have told them until I’m blue in the face that we do not need to be given presents every bloody week - we don’t need them, nor do we have the room, but they either laugh it off or act offended and just ignore me. I’ve told them that when they see something they want to buy, they need to stop and look at the price, and instead put that amount of cash in my DD’s money box, or in a savings account. I say this as they try to guilt trip me that ‘they’re only trying to help.’
I started filling another bag for charity with my things yesterday, but there’s not that much left of mine that I can get rid of.
I honestly don’t know how much longer I can cope like this. It used to really irritate me, but now what with my hormones, and my nesting tendencies, my nerves are on edge. I can’t sleep due to the worry that nothing will be ready for when the baby arrives. I’ve been waking up and feeling anxious and losing 3-4 hours sleep every night for about 3 weeks. I’m exhausted. I’m so panicked as I’m a full time Mum to a toddler, and I’m a part time student, and have no family nearby to help. I have exams coming up, including one this week that I just don’t have the ‘mental space’ to revise for. The hoarder who visits twice per week can’t exactly help with organising or tidying!
Sorry I can’t be of any help op, but I’ve needed to seriously vent about all of this for a very long time.