Decluttering GUILT!

[Mybestusername]

I’m getting stuck in with decluttering and have sorted out plenty for the charity shop / tip. But I’m struggling with having to face up to the amount of money I have wasted on stuff that I’m getting rid of. I know that my house and family will be better off without the clutter so it’s not going to hold me back, I am just kicking myself at the amount of unused and unloved things that I’ve bought over the years.
Tell me how to deal with this please!

I worked out roughly how much I might have saved if I hadn't bought it all and tbh it wasn't that much and certainly wasn't a life-changing amount.
I bet this would help me to let things go. It could be approached from the other direction too, as in add up roughly how much I'd make by selling all the stuff in my junk room - maybe $100 or $200? $300 absolute tops, I think. Now I can ask myself, "Would I pay $300 for a clutter-free home?" My answer is a definite, "Yes!"
Thank you @onedayhey for helping me arrive at this revelation!! You have just given me the key to change my house!!

The money is spent whether you keep it or not. It took me many years to learn that (hoarding tendencies).

The Marie Kondo book really helped me deal with the guilt.

The lost money is also excellent motivation not to get so cluttered again!

I suppose money is an opportunity (thinking like an economist). The use opportunity is long past or never happened for our excess stuff. The opportunity to make some space in your life for better things is there, instead, so we would actually lose an opportunity if we don't get rid, now.

Ive found when I’ve got rid of clutter I’ve enjoyed the things I do have much more. For instance, I’ve rediscovered clothes that were so crammed into the wardrobe I couldn’t see them.

Also you can’t change what’s already happened. So make a resolution to change things going forward. So you will always be mindful before buying anything in future: do I really need it? Where would I store it? Will it enhance my life in two weeks time or is it just a momentary thrill In purchasing it now?

The thing about the money having already been spent is true. However, people like me, who want to sell the stuff on ebay and fb, see an opportunity to get some money back - and that's an opportunity we don't want to lose out on.

I think it also helps to see it as fairly normal to have bought things that then turn out to be unused and unloved - I think most people feel the same sense of irritation at the money they've wasted over their lifetimes!

And at the time you bought them you thought they would be used and loved, so nothing to feel guilty about (annoyance yes! guilt no). After all, you didn't deliberately waste the money.

I agree that the realisation that the money wasted was not that much in the overall scheme of things is very helpful advice! (assuming you're not talking about classic cars or other hugely expensive stuff - but then that would have retained some of its value I expect).

I think it also helps to see it as fairly normal to have bought things that then turn out to be unused and unloved That's a good point too: we're not bad for having bought them. It's normal so get over the grief and get rid of it! :D

It's absolutely fair enough to sell clutter of course! For me it's not worth it unless I could easily sell to friends on FB (I have mega anxiety issues so ebay selling was just too hard for me) so I had to just think of the space gained by getting rid. So the whole sunk cost fallacy was a useful rule to remember personally.

Not exactly relevant but I try to remember the same with eating, I used to clear my plate no matter what especially if out for a meal but really, stuffing down those last few bits of pasta doesn't actually change how much I spent and it's extra calories I really don't need if I'm full. It's no coincidence that both these rules finally made sense to me around the same time and I have lost weight as well as clutter.

cagliostro that’s it exactly - I have been brought up not to waste anything and it applies to food as well - I always scrape my plate clean and can’t stop eating if there’s food there which is why I’m overweight, plus eating off kids’ plates when they’ve left food. I need to deal with that too.

It’s really helpful to think of what is being gained rather than what is wasted.

Another way to think of it is that as a proportion of your lifetime expenditure, the 'wasted' expenditure is probably a very small amount.
Have a look round the house at all the furniture, cooker/fridge/washing machine, new boiler and so on that you've bought (and if you're renting, you've paid for them via the rent!) In that context, those unread books, unworn clothes, unwatched dvds, never used kitchen utensils, don't account for a huge proportion even though there may be a lot of them!

I agree, the money has gone. Often it’s not worth the hassle of selling stuff. Just try to learn from it. Just have a capsule wardrobe, live carefully. New start, new you and all that.

Difficult to deal with this as the waste is very real plus you are having to decide what is waste. Unlike the ice cream, there are decisions to be made about what you chuck out and decisions can be tiring. So you’re basically having a bit of a knackering onslaught.

My suggestion would be not to try to process the guilt as much as strengthen your own resolve about the value of the decluttering process.

If you are finding it over whelming, google some YouTube videos about yoga and do 10 minutes.

I know what you mean I'm currently de cluttering as we are swamped so I'm being ruthless and just getting rid, I have lots that I could and should sell but I just haven't got the time or the space to store it whilst I do.

It's easy, to hang on to things you think your nan or your aunty got you.
I ask myself, does it 'serve a purpose' now. If it's not been touched after a year, I give it to charity.

I'm in a really funny headspace at the moment in relation to all my stuff and belongings. There's a potential we could move house in a few months time, a house which is much better suited to our needs and if things all pan out then it'll be excellent but we just don't know for sure if it's happening yet. So whilst I'm off work over the holidays I've been getting ahead of myself digging around in cupboards, cleaning and clearing out stuff, repairing dents, polyfilling screw holes (its rented so we need to hand it back in good condition) and I'm finding it REALLY hard to get rid of stuff mainly because I can see a use for it but I don't want to move house with it.

I am clearing things out that I’ve moved with several times over and never used - it’s time to let go

I think the best way is to take the lessons of clearing out and apply them to the future, I am so much pickier now about what I buy, I buy better quality and keep it for longer. I keep all my clothes in one wardrobe because it really enforces how much that I have in a way that stuffing half in the loft doesn’t.

I do car boot sales, I always make between £100 - 200, I wouldn’t bother if the money wasn’t such a big help financially. People in my family give me things to take to sell and that really does open your eyes about wasted money. Whole dining sets, crystal decanters, probably thousands of pounds worth of purchases that are totally redundant and now unwanted. Ties in with the thread about not keeping things for best, use what you have and then replace it once it’s used up.

Rather than Ebay- ing which is tedious & doesn't recoup much usually I use Gumtree or local Facebook selling pages.

Take a quick pic of each item stick it on & say buyer collect, cash only. If not sold within a set timeframe it goes in the charity bag. Amazing what you can sell & get a few quid more than a car boot!

Something that might be useful is to check ebay sold prices for things you’re thinking of selling. If they don’t go for much then you might find it better to just donate to charity. It also reassures you that if you truly miss the item or you suddenly need it then you can replace cheaply. This might alleviate some of the worry about getting rid.

Yeah, I'm with you, OP. Just chucked out a load of kitchen crap. Still plenty more to go!

Tell yourself they have served their purpose - whether the pleasure with being bought, played with or displayed but their time is up, I think that is what Kondo says!

You can put the guilt to good use. When you are about to buy, pause, think about how you will feel putting it into a bag for charity later.

I find this is a good way to catch myself buying a "fix" for a problem that can't be fixed through buying stuff.

Buying clothes to slim into? "I want to be slim enough to wear clothes like this." You are trying to buy the weight loss. You know that's not how it works. A memory of the item hanging in a shop can work as well. Or a photo.

Same with books and craft items. "I want to have the type of life where I have the time to read/do/know things like this." "I need some regular me-time."

When you do finally lose weight/reorganise your life to make regular time for hobbies or whatever, that future you deserves the joy of shopping to fill an actual need. You are stealing deserved joyful activity from future you.

That's a great tip about seeing how much things are selling for on ebay.