Desperate Hoarder Needs KUTA

[BuffysFavouriteStake]

...or kick up the bum/butt if you prefer!

First time poster, and prepared for a roasting, but really need honest help.

I'm a hoarder. And big time disorganised.

Now for the big ask. Every forum I've been on seems to be more interested in the reasons for my issues. Frankly, I'm aware of them and trying to work them out.

What I guess I'm hoping for... and feel free to tell me IBU... is basic tips and encouragement for achieving the little things. They might seem miniscule to most, but to me they're a big step, and just someone saying 'well done' or poking me if I don't stick to my goals would be a MAJOR help.

If there are any like minded MNers out there, or you have any recommended threads/sites, I would really be very grateful. Thanks all.

Shit, reading that back realised I sound a right ungrateful CF.

Its honestly not that I'm not grateful for MH advice, its just that I'm getting it from all angles, when really atm practical hints/tips/encouragement would be the biggest help, while I try and work on others things.

Jeez, sorry for the essay.

There's a hoarders thread! Lots of like minds/homes.

I lurk on it occasionally. I am not a hoarder but I come from a family of chronic hoarders (four different households ruined by serious hoarding) so I look on there for tips. In my case, I am pretty sure my relatives will die surrounded by cardboard boxes - but there is always hope!

Damn. I can't find the thread to link to but hopefully another poster will see this.

Well done taking the first steps to getting sorted btw. You may find that being disorganised is less of a thing once your house is tidy and you feel a bit more clear in your environment.

For various reasons we ended up with various houses decanted into ours in boxes which all needed sorted through. Difficulty in finding anything so we just bought again because it was easier. So many piles we couldn't put our clothes away as I couldn't access the drawers. Felt totally overwhelmed with it all. Read, read, read ... about decluttering. Rule is 2 things have to go out / be dealt with each day. The 2 things can be 2 envelopes. It's working. Usually do more over a week. It is making a difference. Linen cupboard - culled. How many downie sets do you need! Rule now is - whatever we buy means the equivalent needs to go. 4 work shirts at the sales has meant 4 (but it was 5!) were put in the bag to go to the charity shop. Tried selling things but the time and hassle involved was too much and nothing was worth very much anyway. Charity bag goes in the boot of the car when it's beginning to fill or I have the desire to pull things back out because they might come in handy. Huge difference doing the housework now. Previously I probable spent more time moving boxes to clean then moving them back. I can dust now.

Thank you for the hope ButteredScone!! At this point pretty sure I'll die under a heap of collapsed cardboard boxes if I don't start getting it sorted . Family thing in my case too, but its got out of hand here over Christmas, and I've been in total avoidance mode.... Er, that's not why I'm here, honest

Will look for the hoarders thread, and thank you so much for your help, sorry for the x post btw, still learning

@Abbie, this is sounding like my house, and I always want to eBay/car boot things as we're pretty low income.

You're totally right though, its NOT worth the hassle for the extra time and a few £, is it and I have to stop thinking I'll get round to it. Thank you, this is exactly what I hoped for, a prod in the right direction!

2 things a day as a starting point sounds more than possible, and loving the charity bags straight in the boot. Aunty works in hospice shop so just need to drop it off before I 'reclaim' it

I'll continue reading about decluttering... I have some books, but ERM, they may have been lost in the clutter . Are there any sites, books etc you would recommend??

I don't have any experience of this but how about aiming to have one clear and tidy room by the end of February? Start really small. If it's your bedroom aim to clear your bedside table first.

Are you regularly cleaning and hovering or is keeping things clean an issue?

I would also aim to move from reading and thinking to action.

Make a simple chart (Just in a note book) of everything you achieve and come here to tell us about it. Even the smallest thing over time you can see how you have made changes. You can do it OP because you have the desire and motivation.

I find setting a timer and doing 15 minutes. Either gathering up of stuff for charity or recycling or rubbish, or sorting a drawer or a cupboard.

For me 15 minutes is manageable and I'm not too overwhelmed. It's amazing how much I can get done in 15 minutes if I'm focussed and not distracted.

If I get up and decide I'm going to clean/declutter all day then I get distracted by the first thing I come across and get absorbed in a book I've not seen for three years or something similar. With my 15 minute rule anything I want to read gets put to one side and I can read after I've done my 15 minutes.

I'm getting there very slowly!

As abbielexie says - at least one thing leaves each day.

Go around with a carrier bag and look for seven bits of rubbish: that's a week's worth! Go around and look for seven things which could go in the paper recycling - that's another week!

Good luck , and let us know how you let on.

Selling - it really began to cause me stress. Tried freegle and similar sites - people not turning up so everything still lying in the hall - the little voice begins - it might come in handy! Answering questions, taking photos - it just seemed to make me feel worse. The money would be helpful but the mental stress doing the previous outweighed that.
Books - found them overwhelming! Dipped in and out of threads. Tried some of the suggestions but if having a bad week - health problems - felt a sense of failure when I couldn't meet targets set. Read somewhere about achievable targets! 2 items a day - on a bad day I can find find 2 bits of paper to deal with. A good day I stick to a plan. ie First cull of a box - stick to a time limit. Unfortunately its not going anywhere. Elderly relatives with health difficulties means everything needs to be checked first so various houses ended up here. Books with letters hidden in them - all crockery, linen and clothes needed washed before they can be passed on anywhere.
We've added to it because we couldn't access things so just bought again. Siege mentality. A huge difference in the house this Christmas. It's nice being able to sit on the furniture without having to move piles. Not a problem if someone wants to stay over.
On a good day I really enjoy clearing out now because of the noticeable difference in our lives.

Thank you all, you're making me feel I can really do this!!

@MovableFeast
Tbh, keeping things clean is a major issue right now, finding floor to hoover is a problem, I just end up hoovering round the piles of stuff! Plus 3 terriers, one with continence trouble... (is there a grossed out emoji??)

Love the notebook idea, it all seems so little when you're doing it, but that way it can remind me that I AM making progress

@MoreThan, yes, that happens to me too, especially with books. I'll try 15min bursts, might help my concentration.

@decobwebbing, think I can find 7 pieces of rubbish/recycling with moving from the couch

@abbielexie, similar situation here, still going through DMs stuff as well as ours. She was an organised hoarder, no idea how she fit everything into one house.

OK, must remember achievable goals, and give up any thoughts of selling. Timer and notebook at the ready, here goes!!

Hi.theres a fledglings baby steps in housekeeping(I can't do linkies.sorry)it helps organise house routines over the course of a month for both the disorganised and those in a cluttered state.
It's a friendly thread.will be very busy in January but feel free pop in n see our December one if you like.we post our achievements for the day and chat generally.

while it is tempting to try and make money, I find it easier to pick a few small bits for sale and charity the rest. Not sure if you have this facility near you but cash for clothes, my sister does this and I have three bin bags to take in next week. I also have a box for tip and a box for charity and just pick up something at least once a day to put in either, once they are full then they go.

Selling stuff can just make everything more complicated and overwhelming. Go for donation. The aim is to get stuff physically removed from your house. Just focus on one room aiming to get it to a point of decluttered and feeling light and airy with the ability to clean it easily. Less stuff is the number one way to enable the you to keep a house clean and more organised.

Which room would you like to start with OP?

everything needs to be checked first

No. It. Doesn’t.

Believe me. I’m from a hoarder family and I cleared the house. It’s not your stuff so don’t form any kind of attachment to it. If someone gave you a bag of household rubbish (food scraps, etc) to put in your outside bin, you wouldn’t go through it. Get rid of stuff without checking it. Someone else acquired that hoard - don’t add it to your own.

@HopeClearwater - it depends on the circumstances. Elderly relatives had dementia or chronic ill-health conditions which prevented them taking the care they normally would - found cheques, share certificates, burial papers, wills, birth, marriage, death certificates ... . Everything has needed to be looked through. We have needed to clear properties quickly to raise funds for care or stop paying rent. Easiest just to box it all up and deal with later.

I made a start in the living room yesterday, and the 15min bursts really helped. Got rid of a lot of recycling that was hanging around, shredded a bag of old paperwork, and made a dent in putting away the Xmas presses. Making sure I write it down in notebook to remind me I AM making progress, if only a tiny bit.

I'll check out the baby steps thread, thanks for the hint

Cash for clothes? Oh that would be useful, don't think we've got anything like that sadly.

Now to get rid of NY hangover
and do a bit more. Thanks everyone!

See a hoarder cannot throw without checking. Being from a hoarding family doesn't mean your mind works like one (very lucky you, I'm the only one from my generation to 'inherit' this super tendancy ). To throw a box of "stuff" without okaying it would make me sick*. Once I've checked it, fine.

• for a while, I know I get over it and forget quickly. It's like I have a reasonable part that says ffs just chuck the lot, and another part going, yes, but just in case, lets check it first!

I start with the walkways. Not even the rooms (all useable, just the corners gradually pile together). If we can get from a to b without stepping over anything, it's a win for me. Yesterday I took the pile of rusty baking tins to the tip that have been blocking the kitchen floor for over a year. Yes I checked the box. The steak knife and 2 antique cake forks are washed and away, the rest chucked.

I do 20 min bursts with a timer. 20 mins declutter, 20 mins normal stuff (laundry, washing up etc) 20 mins work (work from home with weekly deadline so can do it whenever). I can get a lot done like this.

buffy am here if we can chivvy each other along?

@LonelyOversharer

Understand exactly, box may have been in attic unopened for 20years, I still gotta check it before throwing. Nightmare!

Yes please, am here all day, we can chivvy back and forth, if you're sure you don't mind!

LonelyOversharer I am an ex-hoarder. I know exactly what it feels like, but clearing out someone else’s hoard after their death set me on the road to recovery.

You say, Yes I checked the box. The steak knife and 2 antique cake forks are washed and away, the rest chucked

You didn’t need the steak knife and antique cake forks, though. You didn’t even remember you had them. This is what I mean. Now you’ve added to your hoard.

Try watching ‘Minimalism: A documentary about the important things’ to start yourself thinking about just how much stuff you don’t need. I must stress here that I’m not a minimalist and I never will be, but I have a much healthier attitude to the contents of my house now.

My mum and sister did the last hoard, they aren't like me! But they both ruthlessly chucked a lot of thier own stuff afterwards in a "I don't want to be like that" way. Wheras I would have just wanted to keep the lot.

The steak knife and forks had been dropped into the box! The biscuit cutters etc got slinged.

I did some of the conservatory today, which is pretty much a utility room, and the dogs live in there, so mucho dog dust and (ginger) hair (my spaniel doesn't moult). Cleared a path to the door, and hoovered. I'm heading for the chest freezer so I can audit it. No idea whats in there as I can only open it 3" to push stuff in. Will clear the top and see, hopefully tomorrow.

Good luck Lonely!

I also find taking before and after photos help. Makes me realise how much I've achieved in just a couple of 15 minute sessions.

Emptying boxes and sorting through the contents will result in a lot of extra stuff in drawers and cupboards.

Once emptied out and sorted, then go through each drawer and each shelf of every cupboard and sort what is used and what is not used.

Used = keep
Unused = go.

Where it goes is up to you but on no account put it back in a box a store it carefully.