How can I transform my TIP of a house in a few child-free days - AND KEEP IT TIDY?

[DomesticallyDeficient]

I haven't posted on here for so long, but I'm feeling desperate for some life-changing advice (no pressure!).

These past 18 months have seen unforeseen issues arise with our kids (my teen DC, teen SDC and nearly-three-year-old); work upheaval (me changing job, job now at risk); my eldest's involvement in sport really take off (regularly taking me far afield on evenings and weekends); our little one still sleeping wakefully (I am always tired and lacking energy); and a build project on our house that we're doing ourselves (no money for builders) almost grind to a halt.

In all this, our home has become a staggering mess. We've never been brilliantly tidy, but have reached a new low. Lots of stuff doesn't have a home, lots of stuff that has a home isn't put back where it belongs (by any of us - we're all naturally messy), many days are too busy with work, sport, little one, DIY (or I'm too tired) to clear up after dinner, sort laundry, sort paperwork, tidy up the little one's toys... and so it all builds up.

Unless I have a rare opportunity to blitz the place, we are always in a shocking mess. And I mean really shocking - not your light lived-in mess. We have to step over random stuff just to walk across our living room, rummage through the sofa laundry mountain on busy mornings to find two (mismatched) socks... it's utter chaos. And CHAOS in the FlyLady sense too (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).

I don't have people over anymore. I'm too ashamed. I feel disconnected from my friends - socially isolated. It's miserable. I get invited to others' houses with my little one, but I never reciprocate, which must seem rude; we 'owe' a few dinners and get-togethers. Eldest DC said recently that it would be nice to have some family friends over soon - "but only if you're OK with the state of the house, Mum". This isn't the home I envisaged for my family.

I am so desperately unhappy. The state of my house, which I want to be a warm, inviting, calm, enveloping sanctuary, is making me depressed. I dread coming home from being out. I'm sure my mood is impacting the kids. I have told DP, and the older ones, how I feel, but it's not enough to effect any change – the teens are in their hormonal, self-centered bubbles, and I must sound like a stuck record.

DP does what he can around his work, the unending build project, and the kids. But anything beyond a sporadic kitchen clear-up, sweep or laundry in the machine/on airers bottle-necks with me. (And DP naturally gravitates to working outside in the garden - which is important, but I think inside matters more.) And we haven't found a workable, fair chores rota for the teens, because they have such different schedules, amounts of homework/free time, length of school day, distance to school. Plus they resist requests to do chores. So the state of the house is mostly down to me, and I feel utterly overwhelmed. I can't see any way out.

Next week, I'm using up annual leave, as is DP; we'll have a few child-free days to clear up the house. I plan to do FlyLady's crisis cleaning, which has worked for me before - at least to quickly get the place tidier and possible to clean. I've also figured I need to (1) declutter as I go, (2) organise better and more storage (this weekend), (3) put stuff away and then (4) clean - that's my four-step plan.

Does anyone have any other tips on how I/we can achieve some amazing results in just a few days? Perhaps more importantly for my mental health, how can I/we keep our home a more pleasant place to live day-to-day? How can we keep it more or less guest-ready? How can we get our older kids chipping in more and doing their fair share when their daily routines and free time vary so much from day to day, and between each other? What non-negotiable rules do you have for your teens that help keep the house in order?

I don't want to feel the ground-swallow-me-up shame anymore when people turn up unexpectedly. I don't want what I achieve next week to unravel within days, as has happened before. And I want to invite my friends round over Christmas; I miss them.

I think if I can't achieve something transformative off the back of next week, I'm going to have a bloody breakdown.

Thanks for any tips, general hand-holding and ideas that will change my life!

OP, I think that storage, and plenty of it, is the key! I would be making that trip to IKEA and stocking up. Have you got a loft that unused things could be stored in as a temporary solution?

The teens need to stop being so spectacularly unhelpful. I like the idea of changing wifi password/refusing to cook dinner until they've tidied away their things.

A few pointers, most of which others have mentioned...

1. Declutter. Declutter. Declutter. Then you have less to keep clean! If you've remembered the Marie Kondo 'way' of the sparking joy, etc, then it should be easy. I really think that if that's the ONLY thing you do in the days off, you'll find your house a better place. Get a skip if necessary, or have the boot of the car open with space for charity shop stuff.

1. Pesky teens. I know. I have them. They are almost fully functioning adults, and should, with 'persuasion' be able to get some jobs done. I agree with others, that there are ways to make them take part.... wifi suspension, a drop in allowances, lack of food or cooking....

1. Lastly, once you've decluttered, if you're in the middle of a build, maybe think about renting some temporary storage space if there's stuff that WILL have a home eventually, but you doesnt now....

You need to have a bit of a Family Meeting. Explain How It's Going To Be.... and the consequences that'll take place if it doesn't happen.

Good luck op. Keep us posted

On a slightly different note
Could you try making better use of your time even when your 3 year old is there? I've got a 1 and 3 year old and I sit them both on my bed with lots of books as I go through a drawer. It's taken lots of persistence to get them to remain there whilst I do this! At 3 they could 'help' you by sorting socks. I've sorted through toys as children are playing. There's only so much that can be done but all these small pockets of time make a difference x

Thinking of decluttering too. How have you fit on with yours?

When I had DC's at home rules and routines were important and for their life skills too. I tried to think I was doing them a favour by instilling good habits.

If I tidied their rooms I put everything without a space/left out, into a bin bag and face them 5 days to sort through...or I woukd throw it out. ( Did make sure what went in wasn't too precious so that I could see it through!)
I would do a big clean every 6 weeks or so, the set aside one evening a week - we found a Thursday evening worked well, lovely tidy house for the weekend and more time for visitors and fun trips - during that 90 mins cleaning session we would list the jobs on bits of paper (clean floors, Hoover, put washing away etc) and draw from a 'hat'. Kids actually found that fun and fair.
All,of us working once a week for between an hour and an hour and a half really kept the house clean and tidy.

I'm also wondering how things are going for you? Sounds like you've got a huge amount on your plate really.

Another one who is not naturally tidy here. Nor is DH (which makes for a harmonious marriage). However, we do want to be able to have people round. So:

We have more storage than stuff. Otherwise you can't possibly win the battle.

I have junk boxes for DD's stuff (only one child here) - you might want one per person. Then you can go through a room and tidy it really quickly; anything (except food) can go in a junk box, so you can pick up every single item that's not in the right place and simply put it in the relevant person's box. What you then do with the box is up to you - put it in the owner's bedroom, empty it into the owner's bedroom (over the bed maybe?), in a cupboard. You get the idea.

That at least makes it possible to have people round without too much stress on my part.

Can I recommend getting your living room sorted first? I found it made it much easier to cope with the other rooms being messy if we had one room that we could relax in.

Even if you get a few boxes and just dump stuff meant for other rooms in them and dump the boxes in the rooms, it made my anxiety over the mess much better.

Then tackle the hall so that (assuming you have a standard house layout) visitors can be taken through hall into living room.

Then be ruthless, get rid of all those shoes. Take stuff to charity shops/ the dump instead of it sitting in your house.