heh. i hope you have a steam cleaner!
seriously though. the whole house was extended and redone by the (probably self-describes as a 'ladies man') guy we bought it from. don't get me wrong - it's beautiful throughout but aspects of it are definitely not based on practicality.
viz.: gigantic 4-person jacuzzi/sex pond with a colour-changing spotlight and a telly. no taps. i repeat: no fucking taps. takes about 300 litres to fill it, but because of the surface area it gets cold really fast. also requires me to climb in it and walk around to clean it properly.
our bedroom has a gigantic remote-controlled projector screen that slowly ratchets itself down the entire back wall of the bedroom, presumably to watch sexy sexy pornography on after wading awkwardly about in the giant bath, or Match of the Day.
the aforementioned kitchen floor. looks beautiful, has underfloor heating, hard-wearing. also shows anything bigger than a molecule. mysterious tiny white sticky bits. muddy cats. muddy humans. also has black polished granite worktops. i spend my days pacing around, circling the island buffing fingerprints off. takes up most of my time and then somebody touches something and it's all filthy again.
i love my house. but god, it felt good to get that off my chest!