Feeling really down about my house

[kittytom]

That is it really. I have been wading through two days worth of 'stuff' which has emerged all over everywhere while I was at work and I just want to cry. DH had the kids, he is great with them, a hands on Dad but I am spending today clearing it all up yet again. There is stuff just everywhere. I am the only person to ever pick anything up. Not just our kids' stuff (7 and 4) although mostly that. Just so many millions of bits. DH is a handyman so very capable im theory but he has a blind spot when it comes to ever picking any sodding thing up! And you would think being handy at DIY was a good thing only it only ever seems to be for other people! When I see yet another cupboard open with lightbulbs and screws and plastic bags of 'bits' all over the floor not put away, or another pile of fucking nails on the shelf or another paintbrush in the sink or trip over some input away bit of not quite yet put up shelves in the hallway I just want to move out. I shouldn't moan, I have a happy life but my house makes me feel ill.

Sorry for a very negative rant!

While I was typing that DS emptied a large box full of crap I had put away 'to be sorted later' all over the floor...

Come to the flylady thread. Lots of us decluttering houses there.

Does your dh understand how the mess is making you feel? Mine was a bit like this and after I ended up in tears he got it. We now do a joint twenty minute tidy (set a timer on the oven) and reward ourselves with wine. That helps keep the every day mess under control.

Do you have enough storage?

I feel like I could spend 24hours a day putting things back where they should be.

It especially drives me crazy picking things up off the floor. I've hurt my back and DH keeps telling me to stop bending and lifting - stop leaving crap all over the floor then! I'm comforting myself with the thought that, when the DC are old enough to understand, I'm going on strike and they can all step on duplo to their hearts' content!

I've not any advice to offer, really. You don't try to keep the house tidy all day, do you? Can you just do one big tidy when the kids have gone to bed and ignore it til then? (I can't)

This is a relationship problem, not a housekeeping problem.

Ah love, you are not alone. A house move into a building site with two young children and a handy but disorganised DH means I'm feeling it too!
Something's that have helped me:

1. the DC are never too young to help. Yes they will empty boxes all over the floor, but get them putting washing away, rubbish in the bin, toys back at the end of the day. I find my oldest certainly is now doing it automatically and picking up after DH They way i see it, if I can get the kids into a good routine, then that's half the battle.

2. Clutter is killer and when you're feeling hopeless and don't know where to start, just grab some boxes. DH's bits of screws and tools etc, just throw it all in a box. At least you can then see some space and clean. If I present DH with a box to sort out, he's quite good at binning the rubbish and putting away what's for keeping.

3. storage, really think about it, do you have enough and does it work for you? If everything has a place it's so easy just to automatically pop it back.

4. agrees with above about working with DH. We used to do this in a Friday. Work for an hour or so just putting stuff away and cleaning the house. Feels so good to start a Saturday with everything sorted.

5. My DH is clutter blind too, so giving him a specific task helps. He's also a nightmare for never completely finishing a job, so I just keep directing him back and repeating what needs done! Sounds terrible but it works for us as he admits he needs guidance to stay on task.

Hope you feel better soon you have my full sympathies. Sometimes just leaving the house and having a walk, or going for a coffee to revive yourself can help before diving in.

Thanks everyone. I think it is a bit of both really. I don't have enough storage - been trying to kallax us up but there is just so much - and I do have WAY too much clutter, which I have been trying to sort but has been difficult as when I am not at work I have DS with me and it has been challenging as he likes All his toys of which there are millions, and he also likes all of the tat!

I don't do a quick tidy every day - the wine reward timer is a great idea, thank you purple!

I definitely don't try to keep it tidy all day, I am pretty relaxed about the usual stuff, but when it gets like this I feel maybe I should because it is so depressing when it gets bad, which it does so quickly. I never seem to have time to clean properly either because I am trying to wade through all the crap!

I do love my husband and I understand that in his head he thinks he is doing the right thing and in other ways he is great. I just think he has a massive blind spot. He just doesn't see things, even projects he is half way through (like a half finished shelving unit I had to remind him was leaning up against the hall wall unfinished, literally the first thing you see as you walk in!) He is always trying to juggle too many things out of the house so doesn't see stuff.

To be fair we are probably both a bit crap, I just happen to see what we are crap at and he doesn't so I end up resentful!

Thank you Discussing, those are great tips! I definitely don't want my kids to end up as clutter blind (love that phrase) as DH and feel it is my responsibility to ensure they don't but I have been guilty of feeling like it is easier if they are just plonked in front of the tv away from the enormous boxes of tat!

And wow, two kids and a building site. You have my sympathies! I probably do need to direct DH more. He would probably respond well to a list - part of me feels I shouldn't have to but it might make my life easier!

You won't be the first and certainly not the last to feel that way. Don't beat yourself up.

Biscusting not discussing! (My DS says this too)

I found my resentment faded when I gave up on the 'I shouldn't have to tell you!' argument.

Good luck!

I feel the same, but I have brought it on myself a bit I think. As a SAHM I have spent the last 6 years thinking this means I have to do everything for everyone but I ended up feeling like an overwhelmed skivvy and actually I'm not doing anyone any favours. The children need to learn life skills and DH needs to remember them! So I'm trying to change everyone's ways a bit but after 6 years it's tough.

feeling like an overwhelmed skivvy and actually I'm not doing anyone any favours

Amethyst this exactly is what I feel! Also a bit self inflicted. I hate feeling like I am 'nagging' but not saying anything then blowing my top on everyone probably isn't helpful either!!

Just walked past DS room and he has emptied the contents of his wardrobe onto the now tidy floor looking for a jumper. Joy!

I've taken to putting everything that's not mine that was in the wrong place onto the dining room table and telling everyone anything leftover on it at dinner time is going into the bin.
It does means I have to pick everything up but it's much easier to dump it in one place than to actually put it all away and helps everyone to realise they need to put it away

Can you set yourself small goals? Go now, pick up 10 things you don't want / use and either bin them or put them in a designated charity shop box. This box must be taken when it is full.

Go around picking up 10 things every day, clothes, books, ornaments, magazines, kids toys. You might find you manage to gather more than 10! And bin / charity box accordingly. Small changes will soon make a big difference.