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Housekeeping

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Original poster

Decluttering with a VERY reluctant 4 year old...

55 replies

BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 10:39

Any tips?

DS is 4 and seems to have inherited my mum's hoarding tenancies! His room is so full we can hardly get in it any more so something needs to be done. He won't even through out a kinder egg capsule if he can avoid it so I'm really struggling. He has board books he never reads, peg puzzles, even a Sophie Giraffe he refuses to part with.

He is currently seeing a paediatrician / SALT for some sort of Social Communication Disorder, possibly High Functioning Autism, could this be a factor?

I've tried offering to buy things off of him for his baby sister (limited success).

Any ideas?

OP posts:
paxillin · 30/07/2017 13:26

The one-in-one-out goes for grandparent gifts etc, too. So if he won't decide what goes, you will. It is his choice. He might be too young for it so you just throw stuff out yourself. As to "where is my blue happy meal monster"? "I have no idea."

jennielou75 · 30/07/2017 13:37

The photo idea is a good one. Get a Polaroid. Camera and take a pic of the toy then put it in a bag stick the picture onto the back of a cupboard door as a record for him. Get him to make a list of the toys to hand into the charity shop. If he gets stressed talk about the pictures together.
For throwing things away maybe start doing the same until he gets used to throwing things away. If he does the recording, making a list and maybe putting into special bags it may all help to make it an activity,

Topseyt · 30/07/2017 13:41

Stop discussing it with him (that way lies frustration and madness) and just do the job yourself.

If I had asked mine about every single item before charity shopping or binning it I would never have got anywhere. They were apparently deeply attached to every piece of utter trash.

annandale · 30/07/2017 13:42

Yes you may need to sit down with famIly members and explain.... again and again. I like jennielou's idea.

MsPassepartout · 30/07/2017 13:52

DS1 was much more amenable to the notion of putting toys he doesn't play with much in the loft.

Would that be worth trying as an intermediate step?

Starlight2345 · 30/07/2017 14:03

I did with my DS when he was 5 I think..A big boy bedroom .Cleared loads of stuff , baby was sleeping so only had time to put it in my room and really did not know how it would go but he loved it..

You have to sell it.. We didn't have room for your big boy toys..The more you do it the more routine it will become..

It won't get easier with age..

Crispdeficiency · 30/07/2017 14:10

Your lad sounds very bright op; a good memory is a sign of intelligence.

I'm evil and since reading the suggestion on Mumsnet, clear twice a year without fail, once before Christmas and once before birthday. (If they are not spaced evenly, then once before Christmas and once during summer holidays.) It becomes a non-negotiable routine and dc get used to it, in fact they expect it.

Tell him there won't be any space for new toys if you don't.

Original poster
BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 14:11

passe that might actually work! It might actually be out of sight long enough for him to forget.

I suspect the possible asd is a big part of the problem. He delights in arranging and rearranging things over and over. He has kinder toys in rows so it's obvious if things go missing.

My mum is the worst culprit, she grew up in extreme poverty after her father died and she can't stop buying things now. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 14:21

crisp too bright sometimes! Very hard work but love him to bits. Grin

The routine idea is also good, he does like a routine. Might start a clear out every school holiday type thing once he starts school.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Easilyflattered · 30/07/2017 14:39

OP are you me?!!!

Down to the mother who grew up in poverty due her dad dying, and the five year old Ds with probable ASD, how similar our situations are!

I just clear stuff when he's at school. What I find very difficult is that the stuff he places value on isn't the stuff that cost mega bucks. It seems such a waste.

Every Xmas he fixated on to one or two presents and the rest gets completely ignored and I've wondered if it's a sensory thing? I've ended up regifting stuff or giving it to school or nursery.

CatsCantFlyFast · 30/07/2017 15:29

I'd buy 5 to 10 large plastic boxes - preferably different colours. I'd tell him you're going to sort all of his toys into these boxes and each week he can pick a coloured box to play with. I'd put the rest totally out of his way (such as loft) when not in use. I wouldn't categorise the boxes - I'd spread the toys evenly between them (e.g. Cars and puzzles in each box). That way you're not physically asking him to get rid of anything, just rotate it. Once you've done this I think you can gradually start removing toys from the boxes - ones he doesn't play with when the box comes out, or ones you want rid of; set them aside (again out of sight) and if not asked for for a few weeks then they can go

Original poster
BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 15:30

It's one of those weird little things that seems so difficult but nobody really gets why it's so hard, isn't it?

Hopefully it'll be easier when he's at school and I can clear out a bit.

OP posts:
llangennith · 30/07/2017 15:43

DS (now 42) and DGS 9 (DD's son) were/are both like this. No ASD or anything else, they just like to hoard. DS has a shed he keeps stuff in now but his home is tidy, a place for everything. DGS is realising he like to own his things but if there's no space for a new thing he has to recycle (give away) something else. And yes, like everyone else we remove things from sight and if he asks months later where something is we say "I have no idea". Used to have the occasional meltdown about things but rarely now.
You really don't negotiate decluttering with a four year old 😂

schoolgaterebel · 30/07/2017 16:39

At that age I would declutter, sort and tidy my DC rooms. Toys I had decided to get rid of were put in the loft for a few weeks (in case I had made a mistake and gotten rid of something they were attached to) if they didn't ask for any of them after the few weeks, I'd get rid of them.

I used to do a massive sort out before each birthday and at Christmas.

The thought of asking a 4yo to help declutter amuses me.

Original poster
BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 19:05

Argh!

Just finished putting the baby to bed, walked into the bathroom to find my dad doing bath time with DS and he's given him this! Will it ever end?

Decluttering with a VERY reluctant 4 year old...
OP posts:
outputgap · 30/07/2017 19:13

Ah, OP. I feel your pain.

What has slightly worked is having many and different storage, lots of which isn't in dc's room. This makes forgetting easier. I sneak out stuff while they're out. But only the stuff that really is finished with. I have been caught occasionally when they've spotted something in the bin and I've had to fish it out and blame it on grandparents...

Original poster
BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 19:14

Blaming grandparents is a fabulous idea. I wholeheartedly support it.

OP posts:
paxillin · 30/07/2017 19:20

Well, no better time than now. "DS, please chose a toy/ toys the size of the new supersoaker which we will give to a child who has less than you. Otherwise, it will need to stay at granddad's house."

llangennith · 30/07/2017 19:23

Excellent advice pax

Original poster
BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 19:38

The supersoaker will have to disappear regardless, I know what will happen, he'll get over excited, squirt his sister / me / the dog in the face and then there'll be tears. No thanks.

I really want to keep it for myself to keep next doors cat off my veggie patch

OP posts:
alphajuliet123 · 30/07/2017 19:41

I used to give a lot of toys (especially the noisy annoying ones) to our local playgroup so my kids could play with them twice a week. I also donate books to the library so they can go and borrow them if they want to.

PiratePanda · 30/07/2017 19:47

DS loves and remembers every single tiny piece of lego he has ever played with and every scrap of paper he has ever scribbled on. Sigh.

Our solution is to put in boxes anything that he hasn't played with for a while or has grown out of, and "put them aside for his children" -- aka if they might be revisited (e.g. Christmas books and toys) they go in the garage; if not, they go in the loft.

They do not, however, stay in the loft. After about a year, they mysteriously wander off all by themselves to the Salvation Army.

PiratePanda · 30/07/2017 19:48

To clarify, "put them aside for his children" is DS's idea and choice of phrase!

Original poster
BellaGoth · 30/07/2017 19:49

pirate that's another great idea. He adores babies and now that he's accepted I'm not having any more he talks about when he has his (5!) children. Will give that a go too.

OP posts:
holeinmypocket · 30/07/2017 19:54

My mum was a nightmare for buying dd presents every visit. Slightly less generous when ds arrived but that was still stuff in my house. Db has now had a couple of kids so we don't get the quantity of gifts any more. Encourage family members to have children!!