Organising & planning ahead help please!

[Trickymoments]

I am permanently struggling to keep on top of things and am looking for tips please to get organised.

I'm always running late, can never find what I need & this leads to me
feeling stressed and grumpy with everyone. I find it difficult to plan ahead for some reason and I'm dure this is where it is all going wrong e.g.

I go to Sainsburys pretty much every day to get dinner for that day as I can't seem to think of enough meals to plan for a whole week and do it in one go. I either end up rushing there between work & school pick up or after school with 2 tired & grumpy dc's - not fun!!

Clothes - have loads but nothing to wear! Nothing matches or goes together & when it comes to needing an outfit for an event I waste time late night shopping in a desperate attempt to find somethinf which is never quite right so ends up being worn once.

Washing/ironing - endless amounts all over the house. Can never get on top of it. DC's will end up with a drawer full of clean but odd socks. Yesterday we went out for a family meal for my dad's birthday and because I hadn't planned ahead the clothes I wanted dd to wear weren't clean & I was scrambling around ten minutes before we left trying to find something for me to wear that wasn't dirty, crumpled, tatty.

Events eg birthdays/parties. I always think oh yes that's a way off I've got
ages to buy a present for that. Then it gets to the day before and I spend hours traipsing round the shops trying to find 'the perfect present' and then feeling guilty that I've wasted so much time when we could be doing fun family stuff.

School events - dress up days etc. Always left too late, stressing to find an outfit, donation for school fair etc etc.

House - full of clutter despite me getting rid of stuff on a weekly basis, it's still cluttered! Can't find anything so end up buying more of the same.

Prescriptions - leaving until last minute or just forgetting to place repeat order and so delaying taking my meds.

General admin, school forms, money stuff, booking grooming appointments for haircuts, waxing etc.

I just can't seem to plan ahead to get it all done in a stress free way. Feel permanently frazzled, overwhelemed and useless!

Please share your tips with me as I really want to sort this.

I'm a PA and work with the calendar to prioritise and get things done.

For example...

I'm going to my friend's tomorrow. I'm going to hers for 1pm. I've scheduled it in the calendar from 1pm to 7pm. It will take me 45 minutes to get there so I'm going to allow an hour to get there. On the way, I want to get her a plant, get the car washed and fill up with petrol. I've scheduled that time in as well. I've already worked out what I'm going to wear. When I come home we're going to have reheated chilli.

On Friday, I'm working. My work stuff is ironed and I'll make a sandwich on Thursday night. It's my colleague's Birthday so I have a card written which is sitting by the front door. I also need to take some dry cleaning in at lunchtime which is also by the front door.

The moral of this story is.... I look forward in my calendar as far as I can and chip away at the to dos. If your Brother's Birthday is in the calendar a couple of weeks off then add a card/present to your shopping.

I use Google calendar and make notes in the calendar entry. So.... Andy's Birthday - buy card and present. Then, once I've done that, I change it to 'post card / wrap present', etc.

I have a basket next to the front door which is for school shoes only. Without fail, when the kids come home they put their shoes in there, which means in the morning they know exactly where to find them which saves the mad scramble to find an odd shoe!

How I organize my family's weekly meals:

For breakfast I am always making smoothies (2 types of them) or we eat fruit.
For dinner I've picked 7-8 very simple recipes that everyone likes eating and take 20-30 mins to cook. Write them in a notebook and hang in the kitchen. I myself prefer mostly vegetable recipes since they can be modified fairly easy to include one or another ingredient.
On Sunday - write down the menu for the week, buy all ingredients. Buy smoothie fruits. Always stick to the menu.
One day a week may plan takeaway food, if I plan to work from home till later.
That's it. Stick to simplicity and healthy food, don't see any point in spending your day shopping and cooking..

I like the idea of keeping things simple ladydoer. I think I'm overthinking the meal side of things but it doesn't help that my 2 are fussy and often don't like the same things. There are also things that dh and I like, eg fish that they wouldn't eat. Would you mind sharing some of your 7-8 meal ideas to give me some ideas. I do want to make it simple but I suppose I don't want to get bored eating the same things all the time.

Hi OP

Perhaps it might be a good idea to work out why you are so disorganised in the first place? Did it start because of a life event that has totally thrown you? Your childhood - what did family life look like? Have you always been like this? Conditions such as dyxlexia and ADHD means that being organised takes more work?Could it be medical reasons - depression? Try and pinpoint what it is first that makes for a chaotic lifestyle. Only then can you find a way around it. Then you can start implementing some of the excellent advice above.

For what's worth, Kondoing and Bullet Journal has helped me enormously.

*One of my 2 favourite MN threads, an oldie but goodie
*
LITTLE things that help keep you organised?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/1451448-LITTLE-things-that-help-keep-you-organised

*And the other one:
*
to ask how you become organised and together? Seriously how??
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/1373827-to-ask-how-you-become-organised-and-together-Seriously-how

these two threads changed my life!

As your Doctor's surgery if they are supported by an online pharmacy. My surgery does this - this is how it works:

DP: Oh, I've only got enough tablets left for tomorrow
Me: What a shame you didn't say last week you muppet

I go online and order his prescription, it takes 2 minutes. The online company contacts the surgery for authorisation. I receive a box of medication in the post the next day.

It has changed our life!

Hi foolandfitz I would love to know why I am like this. My mum was and still is very organised, she ran a great family home with 4 children, everything was clean, tidy, well organised with a home cooked meal on the table every night. She didn't go out to work but said that her job was to run the home. Clearly I don't take after her! I have asked her before how she did it all so well and she said mainly because she had the time to, every day while we were at school.

I do have a chronic condition which is well managed with meds but can make me tired easily and achey so on those evenings all I want to do is rest. I also get anxious and stressed easily which doesn't help.
I think I probably have always been like this to some extent although I am worse since there's more than just me to look after. I did actually think it sounded like adhd when I read about that but I am not like it at work so think that rules that out.

I never actually forget important dates or appointments, it's just I don't plan ahead well enough to be ready for them which leads to last minute stress rushing around getting bday present, outft, food or whatever it might be.

I have sat this morning and written a 2 page list of things that need doing & also things I'd like to get done in the house & garden this weekend. It feels better having it all written down but it's like I have a mental block when it comes to deciding what to do first.

flisspaps thank you for those links, they look good although I could easily spend all afternoon reading them and getting nothing else done!😄

OP, don't set yourself up to fail It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to aim for perfection. That 2 page list is probably overwhelming. I know I would find it overwhelming.

Get another piece of paper and write 5 things from the 2 page list - any five but preferably 5 quick fix jobs, not the big ones. Write it in big and bold. Do them. Cross the 5 jobs off. Crumple up paper and bin. Come back here and tell us what you did. Reward yourself, rest & play and then tackle 5 more.

BTW, how do you manage to keep on top of things at work? You have obviously put strategies in place to keep effective.

*tricky8 My DD1 has ADHD - I am 99% sure I have it (waiting for a diagnosis)
In order to get through life you have to come up with strategies - just because you have ADHD doesn't mean you CAN'T be organised - it just means it is more difficult. You have to try a lot harder and you need to give yourself a break. (And I mean don't beat yourself up about things and do give yourself some space to be chaotic - for the sake of your mental health).
You might put a lot of effort into being organised for work (maybe subconsciously) so you don't have the reserves left to force yourself to do it at home.
I am constantly trying new ways of doing things -making being organised as easy as possible because I find it difficult. And things do often descend into chaos. (A former boss once said I was either the most disorganised organised or organised disorganised person they had ever met!)
That's why I have my ticktick to do app and my google calendar reminders - to keep me on track as much as possible. I put everything on them - I even have reminders for my DDs regular weekly activities - I have been know to forget them!
And you need to develop 'habits' - I used to lose things all the time -but I now have set places for things in the house and I try and concentrate to not lose things when I'm out and always look back when I leave anywhere....so spot my bag on the chair etc. I don't think about it now -it is habit.
It why I sort notes out etc for DCs as soon as I get them - so it doesn't become a chore and I don't forget - checking the bags is now a habit.

It is a bit like my favourite tip - 5 mins or less - if something takes 5 mins or less - don't think about it just do it. Stops you getting bogged down with a 1001 small things you need to do.

ADHD also doesn't mean you can't concentrate on anything -if you are interested in something you can become too focused - hyperfocused. Which can mean you are extremely productive at work -but also you can neglect things...
I'm not saying you have got ADHD - you'd need a proper diagnosis and a history that ties with it - but even if you do there are ways of keeping on top of things...to stop you feeling overwhelmed or lazy or stupid.

Thank you fool you're right the list is overwhelming but I felt a little bit better for getting it down on paper.
I've not done a great deal of it today as we've been tidying up the garden which is a job in itself! As we have put that off for so long it needed a lot of weeding etc.

I don't know how I do it at work really. I have set deadlines each month which are always pretty much at the same time so I know I have to meet these and always do. As I'm part time I just get done what I can on top of the essential stuff. It is sometimes hard to prioritise but my manager will tell me what she wants doing first so I kind of follow that as a guide.

Hopefully I can get some more things ticked off the list tomorrow although the family want to go out somewhere so again got to try and keep everyone happy.

Thanks unlucky83 I like the 5 minute idea. I often think if only I'd just tidied up before I went to bed or got my clothes ready night before etc things would be a lot easier the next day but I just don't do it!
I also think like you say I need to develop habits and routines.
It's hard to change it all at once though. These are some of the things I'd like to happen:

Regular exercise routine - important for my health condition but not currently happening as always at bottom of 'things to do'

Healthy eating plan for week ahead

Set time to do food shop so I'm not
going every day

Time to sort washing & put away every day so it's not all around the house & I never have anything to wear

Time to do errands eg post office, returning items, clothes shop etc

Time to do financial admin which is very much needed

Time to declutter overflowing with crap house & implement better storage systems

Family time, weekend day trips out. More quality time with family instead of thinking every weekend, I really must continue decluttering & getting organised this weekend.

Time to look for a holiday

Time to go to the loo by myself without being called 'mummy I want you' etc etc..

Time to enjoy life more & stop worrying about all of the above😄

You sound like you are trying to take on too much at once. You need to slowly work on habits/routine.

Choose one thing and sort that out - I'd say laundry/clothes is a good place to start to take control of the chaos. I do most of it in a day but even if you don't want to I would set one day a week - say Monday as putting away day - on that day all clean laundry is put away - dump what you don't need/haven't got space for as you go...no longer needing to root around for things to wear will give you more time and more brain space.
Once you have that under some sort of control move onto menu planning/shopping - choose a day -say Tuesday - when you will do the majority of your shopping - even if it is an online standing order...
Once you have the basic everyday stuff more organised you can worry about doing the decluttering and exercise etc - you'll have more time.
I clean upstairs on Mon and downstairs on a Tue - which means for eg upstairs a tidy round, hoover the carpets, dust (with vaccum cleaner) and a quick go over of the bathroom... if I do it every week it isn't too bad and I can get it all done in just over an hour...but I add something on - like clean windows or sort out an area (like clear out a drawer or a shelf) or give the shower a good clean etc. If I am feeling lazy I just do the basic things...but I do them...and tick them off my list. If I can't do it that day for whatever reason- have to do a school or work thing - I'll do it later in the week...
If I leave things till they need doing everything needs doing at once and it is daunting.

And going to loo - will get easier when your DCs get older...having said that I still have to occasionally shout to DD (15) 'I'm just having a poo - I'll come and talk to you properly shortly' ...(I find the shock value of sharing shuts her up ...better than if I just say I'll be there in a minute...)

Another thing which has helped me get on track...

Make a habit of going through the house room by room. So, on a daily basis start in the kitchen, wash up, put things away, wipe work surfaces, etc. Then move to the next room, put things away, pick fluff off the carpet, wipe cat flat, etc. Move to the next room, put things away, straighten the curtains, etc. Do this for every room in the house. I have a box on wheels and push this through chucking stuff in that doesn't belong in that room. When I get to the bedroom, I chuck it on the bed and group things by room and put back.

When you have more time, clean each room as you go. If you don't have a lot of time then make it quick and flick hoover around. When you have more time again do a deeper clean.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just do what you can. If I am at home all day I tend to do the 'house sweep' after breakfast, lunch, dinner. It sounds onerous but after a while it will take you minutes.

These are great suggestions but I find that it also really helps to have an idea of when time is available the unschedule is perfect for this www.neilfiore.com/now-habit-schedules/

I've done this when I feel overwhelmed and it really works.

Good luck!!

OP If you try to change everything all at once you'll crash and burn. Start small - focus on one area of your life and get that sorted. After a couple of weeks you'll have a routine for that thing and it will cease to be a problem. Then you pick something else from your long list to focus on. Take it one step at a time, this is a marathon rather than a sprint.

There's little point trying to establish a routine for school now because by the time you have one summer will be here and you'll set it aside until September. Pick one thing from your list - maybe the laundry, maybe the meal planning - something that causes you grief at the moment and decide what you're going to do about it. You've had lots of good ideas here but if you try to do all of them at the same time you will fail. Pick one thing, work on it until it becomes a habit then pick another thing. Tell yourself that every little helps and Rome was not built in a day.

Be prepared for it to all go to hell after your holidays, there will be setbacks but you can pick it up again one area at a time. Good luck with trying to go to the loo on your own - I just had to wait for that one to go away as he got older.

velocity I tried something like that - using a spreadsheet in 15 min blocks.
I can confirm you do get an awful lot done! but I found it too restrictive and also found it stressful when things didn't go to plan as you felt you were running behind - if I did it again I'd schedule a lot more catch up/rest time (I did have some)
eg I had a 30 min slot in the morning for phone calls. But I'd phone someone and the person I had to talk wasn't there and I'd have to phone back later ... or was on hold for 20 mins (HMRC for work!). Or found as a result I had to do something that would take a while - and even though I took notes it was easier to do it straight away whilst it was fresh in my memory - which pushed everything out ....I'd end up reorganising and spent more time rearranging things rather than doing them!

Where I got that idea from also said to do things like have set times to check emails (every 2hrs or so in the working day) and act on them - don't check them as they arrive as you do get distracted. And that does work really well!

Use your phone calendar to 'diarize' everything immediately, so you can look ahead to coming weeks whenever you have a spare minute. I browse mine while kids are in swimming lessons etc so keep up with what's coming up. Calendar on wall is no good for me as I'm never still for long enough in the house to look at it. Phone is always with me and you can set 2 reminders - one a few days or week before and one on the day.

I've also got a school 'basket' where I keep all lunch vouchers, money for snacks/mufti, sun cream and a sharpie for labelling etc. In there I put forms to be returned etc so every morning it's all there in my face.

Always fill out and return forms immediately even for things that are weeks away. Then put the details in your phone calendar.

Take a photo of party invites etc so you can look at them whenever you need to.

Do a kondo on your clothes. If it doesn't make you feel good when you wear it, chuck it out.

Stop ironing. Only buy things that don't need ironing.

Gift vouchers for parties. Minimal wrapping and most people love them.

I agree with PP about not trying to change too much at once - pick one thing, decide how you're going to improve it, try out the new habit for a couple of weeks, see if it works or needs to be changed, then pick the next thing.

For example, I decided to start putting my work clothes out the night before, and discovered that if I waited until I went to bed, I was usually too tired to bother doing it, but if I did it when I got home while I was changing out of my work clothes, that was easier for me.

I do agree with the list, as long as it's a list of 'things I want to get done at some point' rather than 'unrealistic list of stuff to do this weekend'. I read somewhere that the advantage of a list is that it stops you having to remember something, because it's on your list - you just need to remember to check the list

I notices someone has posted a thread about ironing services. This could be a good idea I think to help me shift the massive backlog I have and maybe even help on a regular basis.

I'm both posting a bit of advice, and taking some advice from others. I used to be hugely unorganised - I still am in some areas but I have got into a few routines that have helped out a lot and it doesn't feel like everything is a huge task.

First thing I would do is buy a diary/planner I have an a5 sized one with is week to view with notes page - this layout is important for me. Everything goes in the diary, kids birthday parties, nights out planned for dp and , days out, if we're having guests etc etc. We then plan the meals around all the activities on the week so we know if we need a meal that can be done in 20 mins etc. On the notes page I do the weekly shopping list, including any birthday cards/ presents than need to be picked up if they can't be bought from the supermarket they're often ordered online. The noted page is really helpful as I usually forget to write something on the list but I can mentally go through the menu in the supermarket as well as it's all right in front of me.

Also I think you need to get dp involved a bit, we have a few routines like if one of us is putting dc to bed the other one sorts out tidying downstairs and the kitchen. Whoever isn't putting the dc to bed on a Sunday night also takes care of ironing all the uniform, which then gets hung up in the wardrobe.

And yes to a wash a day. But only put a wash on if the laundry from the previous day is dry otherwise you'll end up overloaded with wet washing from experience. seems simple written down but I have done that too many times.