I can't declutter my spare room!

[1AngelicFruitCake]

Ok, I heard about Marie Kondo on here before I had my first baby and thanks to her/you all I got rid of so much stuff from my house (I'm talking bags and bags plus a few big items ) I've now got a newborn and a toddler so two under 2. I'm managing to keep on top of tidying general areas, washing, making meals etc but I desperately need to get rid of loads from my spare room as that will be a bedroom for my eldest.

The problem is its full of stuff - my stuff. I'm a massive hoarder and hate throwing things away e.g. That book might come in useful for one of the children...in about five years etc. I feel I've done so well to get rid of so much but still have a massive mountain to climb and I don't know how I'll ever do it!

A massive motivation is making it a nice bedroom and we also want to sell our house in the next year. Please help!

I watched The Hoarder Next Door last night; it made me think really hard about what the items I cannot seem to declutter represent to me. For example I home ed one child and I have lots of Art books. He is 14 now and not that interested in art, well not for quantity of books I have bought on the offchance from various charity shops. The Art books represent my desire for Him to do Art. In reality the tidier bookshelves and calmer environment that getting rid of those particular excess books or at least some of them, is a pay off from losing out on the actual books. I have to come to terms with the sad fact that he doesn't like art much. There are other emotions in similar vein about other things in the house, novels that I don't need to read again which I enjoyed, some of the children's books. Not all but just some of these things can go.

I think you can just make a balance sheet in your mind. Those possessions versus the ways I will use the space, tidiness, freedom, cleanliness that will follow from decluttering.

I feel like a hoarder, but when I think of it I have actually successfully decluttered, sylvanians, Barbies, fancy dress, garages, castles, various items of clothing that I didn't fit into but meant a lot to me memory wise, all sorts of just in case craft materials and haberdashery, clothes that I could have cut up and turned into new clothes, paper patterns, knitting wool, magazines full of interesting articles, scrapbooks full of cookery articles. And more. I don't miss them. I have them in my mind as pleasures that fulfilled me at the time, but now over. Like a holiday you enjoy and keep the memory of. I have to work hard to keep the balance, and I am still working at it. The things I recycle, chuck make space for the things that I really value, some material, some holistic. Imagine if someone gave you the entire contents of John Lewis. None of it would really be rubbish would it, but you couldn't physically fit it in your house? You would have to make a decision to give most of it back.

It is a struggle, no-one can tell you it isn't but you have to be brave. It probably represents £500 of actual "stuff" if you were to buy it again from ebay. Which you probably won't so it isn't real money you have lost. You have to decide if the price is worth losing the use of that room.

I agree. You still retain a - usually fond - memory of the item but it becomes enough to be able think to yourself 'I had one of those once' rather than 'I** have one of those upstairs'. There are all sorts of elements: accepting the past as the past, accepting your place in the present, accepting yourself even. Etc etc. So many parts.

I just noticed, Angelic, that you said you found it easier to think of decluttering someone else's stuff than your own. I'd think about the reasoning there on your own.

My apologies for the bolding. My device has a mind of its own it seems.

'What if this comes in useful in a few years?!

In my experience you've actually forgotten that you own it and go out and buy a nicer replacement....

I have a winter baby and a summer baby. I've given away so much stuff because it is so clear that it is never going to fit at the right time.

I am doing mental battle with my linen cupboard though - there's a lot of elderly sheets and towels which I should really take the local cats home and I am making stupid plans for garden dens and fabric paint which I know will never happen !

Make a list and tick a couple of items off a week. Slow and steady wins the race most of the time. If you can sell anything turn the proceeds into consumable/experience treats like a spring pedicure or lunch out for the family.

The other top tip I saw recently was to take pictures of stuff that's special to you like cards, tickets, wedding invitations and general detritus and souvenirs from special holidays.

Unless you have a really good memory the stuff you put to one side, 'it will come in handy at some point', will be there when you've gone out and bought the new tool/ user guide/ paint stripper etc etc etc
As for kids stuff, they will get so much in gifts (think of birthday parties etc) that hanging on to things is not possible. If when the time comes, you really need something then, buy it!
Having things you keep for the memory it provides is solved by the photographing explained above.

Do you know, Tread, that's one of those tips that sound great in theory but I've never found it works that well in practice. There's something about the physicality of stuff that makes it better and more evocative than pictures.

I'd endorse your 'slow and steady' thought though. My own approach, if things were very difficult to relinquish, might be to adopt a gradual process of winnowing. A sort of 'Start with one souvenir per place visited and adjust to that; then move to one souvenir per holiday taken in that year and adjust to that; then move to one souvenir representing holidays in general.' And replicate across gifts, people etc etc.

That might be useful to try with some things?

We've just converted our loft and had to get rid of loads. We've got one sentimental box each and thats it. We're now working through the house and being ruthless. I've realised that having piles of shit doesn't add to my life it was just making my life harder.

Old uni text books were dumped I remember how much they cost but at 18 years old they weren't very useful and I had never once looked at them.

I also used to think about selling stuff on eBay or face book but then you just end up with another pile of crap to look at. I've since been taking it all to the charity shop or tip as soon as is sorted.

As for keeping stuff just in case unless your really skint you can buy another one anyway.

If in doubt chuck it out

One thing that is spurring me on is thinking - if I went under a bus tomorrow, this would be a helluva job for my family - don't want that! All those cringe-making love letters from my teenage years would be nothing to them. ( None of my teenage boyfs became famous writer or poets
(On the other hand... if I don't go under a bus and outlive them all, aged 110 might give me some comfort reading 'em...)

I know this problem!

Re: books - do you have an office at work? I have taken academic books to work and put them on the shelves there instead (I share an office but they are sort of relevant books) as has my husband. For children's books I have chosen a few which are in good condition and want to keep, the others have to go.

DH's father has kept everything from his childhood and wants to give it to us for our children but a lot is mildewy (furniture) or just so out of date that we don't want it. To be honest, this has put me off keeping stuff. I would rather someone used it now.

Also think of the space you will get! You are not throwing stuff away, you are trading useless items for lovely clear space!

Thanks for the responses! Reading all these comments is helping to spur me on.

Cozie, you've asked interesting questions and weirdly I skipped them at first as made me feel uncomfortable, although I don't know why so that's probably telling in itself!

I find it easier decluttering for others as (ironically) I like sorting and organising and get a satisfaction from helping others get sorted. I suppose the clutter represents memories from the past. Almost that getting rid of things would be admitting that that part of my life has gone (never thought of it like that!) E.g Uni days, got decorations from my wedding, all cards when I had both my children (though to be fair one is still a newborn!) and I've even got cards from random birthdays when I was growing up!

Knitting, I like the 'balance sheet in your mind' idea and can relate to what you said about your son to how I think I should be about things.

I like the idea of photographing things but wpuld have to be strict as my husband keeps reminding me to go through my masses of digital photos I'm sure you can see a theme here! I also can't take stuff to work (when not on mat leave) as I have loads of stuff there too!!

Someone mentioned about whether money was making me keep hold of things but the stupid thing is I also hoard money in that I save like mad but don't spend too much. I'm not rich but save for 'one day' and all this is making me realise I need to live in the moment more.

The big motivator for me is I want my children to grow up in a nice house. It's just so hard to change from being this way as I was hoarding like this even as a child.

Allegreto - what you said about your fil is going to be in my mind as I look through what I've kept for my children. I recently chucked out a doll that I kept as it was so dirty looking I couldn't bear my daughter to touch it! It had taken up space for over 20 years for no reason!

We also have a memory box each. Large cardboard (but patterned) ones from IKEA. Every member of the family has one and they fit on top of the wardrobes. It helps to just lift the lid and drop eg. an anniversary card in. Once the boxes are full we will have to choose what stays and what goes.

My DH had a recent milestone birthday and was given lots of photos/birthday cards in many albums from his mum...........it was soooooo boring We looked through once. It really made me reconsider what I'm keeping for my DDs. Birthday cards are NOT interesting!

Have you looked at Pinterest for ideas for sentimental items? Probably not going to happen at the moment whilst your DC are so little but it helped me to keep just a few newborn items for when I have time to do this.

You're really doing well to just think and talk about the more difficult stuff, Angelic. It's one heck of a good starting place.

I'mfine - that's a good point about cards. My mum gave me my newborn cards (surprise, surprise I've kept these but won't now!) and they have mean nothing to me so who am I keeping my babies cards for?

Cozie - thank you! Being on Mat leave has given me time to think (like now when I'm feeding my baby). I am very much like my mum. When I got a present off my nan (her mum) recently, she came to me with the gift tag that I'd thrown away and said 'Don't you want to keep this to remember her by if she's not with us next year!' I didn't keep it (small victory for me!) but this way of thinking is my problem!

Well done for not keeping it.

I like to keep something of the grandparents, for example, but it turns out that it only needs to be one (usually smallish) thing. Not dozens. I've found it more interesting and thought provoking to write down my memories of childhood for the youngsters to see in later years. One simple word processed file set up somewhere and you can quickly add in a memory when it comes to you. (It doesn't need to be breathtaking prose - just as it occurs.)

I've personally found that more useful than cupboards of 'stuff' and the youngsters seem to find it more stimulating than some old 'item' which means virtually nothing to them.

Good luck.

Just think how much better the free space will be to your family than the stuff. If that room is becoming toddlers, then it frees up space in living room also as can keep majority of her toys in bedroom also, giving her and new baby an extra space to play also.

Space is actually very enjoyable. Being able to turn round without 'negotiations' with things? So good.