KonMarie, you are so frustrating! I wish you could answer me...

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

...how can I possibly sort my clothes first based on current body shape and weight, when I'm 8 months post natal & 5 months post gallbladder op and still bfing? I have no time or energy to excerise nor am I in a position to be careful about what I eat. the whole clothes "step" is a massive emotional and practical issue.

...I like shorts or pj trousers and need bf tops. I have trouble sleeping and I need comfortable stuff.
So why on earth do you advise people to wear feminine nightwear? sorry, but it's just stupid.

...why are there no chapters about anything concerning children and their belongings? seriously, just what were you thinking?! that everyone lives alone? I really really would like an answer to this one and it leads to..

...just when am I supposed to have time, energy and safe space to put all of our books on the floor then stroking them one by one?

we have 7 children. but even if we had 2, I don't think you have the faintest clue about just how all-consuming being a parent is, that with 5 at school and 2 at home I have no opportunity for most of the things you suggest.
I have a baby who is crawling everywhere and my toddler is everywhere. I can't even empty a dishwasher without being interrupted about 8 times.
your suggestions are impossible to do with kids around that need watching, holding, feeding, cleaning, played with..........
This is what frustrates me so much.
I don't own my own time!

And I really hate starting what I can't finish. And when I finally manage to initiate any positive changes you can bet your kimono that I will be interrupted by our children who need attention.

So please answer me, how am I supposed to follow your instructions? I am between wanting to cry and scream at how quite depressing I have found your book.

grrrr

dp two dogs and chickens horse and me at home and I don't have time it's all shit luv.

When kids are in school stick younger two in front of Cbeebies, do 20 mins a day? Adapt it so you go through x items of clothing a day instead of everything at once?

Also what effect has being 5 months post gallbladder op had on your shape/size?? (due to have the op so curious!)

Could your DH/DP entertain the DC's while you get some bits done? I have a play pen (shock horror) which the baby seems to like being in and I can get some stuff done uninterrupted (I only have 4 to your 7 though, so I expect its really quite here by comparison!).

I manged to do the MK book when DC4 was a few months old, it was pretty hectic, I used to pile stuff up until DH was around and I could fill the car up and take it all to the tip/charity shop (IMO you can't just take stuff straight out of the house when you have DCs).

Clothes I still managed to do, I was slobbing about in some truly awful stuff and it was good to take stock and get rid of the crap and get a few new bit in. We are stopping at 4 so all of the maternity stuff went (including some that I was still wearing...).

There was no time for stroking books though!!

woo

pre-op I had to have a strict diet, very low fat, very little dairy. i actually lost a bit of weight but was feeling truly awful, 2 gallstone attacks 4 weeks apart (2nd ended up biliary colic,, jaundiced, hospital - baby was only 6 weeks old so incredibly stressful time).
since the op I can anything I want and so I have. and I've been putting on weight
there's no way I will throw away clothes that don't fit right now. It's madness.
we are getting building work done, starting in the next few weeks so I am going to sort as much stuff beforehand and my mum is coming soon for 3 weeks which means I can get stuff done.

but I just can't start with my clothes. it's not the right time, nor am I in the right frame of mind to deal with attached emotional issues.
they will have to be last.
once the extension done and baby is a bit older and MIL can look after him & DD regularly I will be able to pay attention to me. but that won't be for another year or so. not ideal, but I just have to accept that's reality. which is why clothes are impossible for me to sort through atm.

DH and I will start tackling the kids clothes today.
I sort their clothes regularly anyway swapping winter / summer uniform, checking for size and wear & tear, mend and/or replace stuff.
to do it for the 5 oldest (5 boys in a row) is not a problem, it's just a practical thin.
but for DD (our 6th) and baby DS6 (our 7th and last) again there's a lot of emotions attached so it's a struggle.
I'm not ready to get rid of their clothes yet. nor do I have the time to Ebay them, which I will have to do. again I don't care what KM says, I'm not about to throw away stuff that I can sell and make 500-1000 pounds. we have a lot of stuff and nice things too.
it just gets boxed up, stored and wait until we have our house sorted.

oh and we do have a playpen but BabyZing wants to crawl. he is ok in it if he doesn't see me
I he sees me he wants to get out and he cries until I get him. which I do because my nerves are frazzled and I just can't cope with it.
(Also I have hyperacusis and noise wears me out more than most. not allowed earplugs. useful eh? )

I'm rrambling on, but it helps me think. between all the things I say I can't do right now there are some that I can, I just need to think out loud.

still I feel very frustrated. I wish DH and the kids went on holiday for a month so I could devise a plan and get on with it, uninterrupted.
that's the biggest problem . being stopped constantly.

I'm glad you understand!

zing I can empathize as I have a large family including toddler and baby. I think the kondo principles are useful, but need to be adapted. I wonder if your frustration is principally because life with a big family can be quite unmanageable and most people just don't fully understand how difficult it is to meet all their needs? Least of all kon-Mari! I often feel like this but feel I can't complain IRL because, well....it was my decision to have lots of children! I feel stressed if things aren't tidy and well organised and so it is a constant juggling act to try and keep on top of things without it impinging to much on my time with the children. I do think that living in amongst disorder can bd equally stressful though. I wonder if you could put some things on the back burner for a week or two- don't do much cleaning, have simple meals - and allocate a small part of each day to clearing out? Is your baby evolving a pattern to his naps? ( I know some of mine didn't, regrettably!) my elder dcs are quite helpful re knowing which toys can be safely discarded, I often enlist their help.
( of note my eldest was reading a bit of Marie kondo the other day and I could hear her giggling at some of the bonkers advice! )

I've recently read her book and thought it had some useful tips here and there but ultimately I thought that her book seemed aimed at single people or those whose children who have left home. I can imagine that I would have followed this like a religion pre babies. However, I just don't think she has considered (or has the comprehension) of how demanding and chaotic kids are and that no, with 2 tiny kids I'm not going to thank my purse and put it away in a box under the bed when I come in (I'll likely be desperate for the loo, trying to change 2 pooey nappies and juggle a beaker and stop the toddler from hurting herself before getting lunch or dinner ready and not weeing myself in the process) or be able to fold my tights in such a way as to show my gratitutude to them. I'm just not that grateful and would rather be kissing and cuddling my babies instead. Plus what about toys? The thing that sparks joy in my toddlers hand changes minute by minute...

However. I've taken on board some useful info and feel it's about getting into a frame of mind about letting go of being so materialistic and holding on to stuff for the sake of it rather than following her regime dogmatically. I do find the "does it spark joy in my hand" useful for things if I'm struggling as to whether or not it's Rubbish as I deal with stuff on a daily basis. But this is only a little different to the philosophy we have in our house of "is it useful; is it beautiful". If not it gets binned, sold, taken to charity. One of the best things we did was to get rid of all our DVDs and CDs bar a very small handful.

I do think she'll write a quite different book if she has kids in the future... She'll need the money for kiddy-kimono

Back to you though.

It sounds like now would be a rubbish time to get rid of your clothes. I too am newly post partum and it's a wardrobe nightmare. I'm not having any more kids so all my maternity stuff is packed up and ready to be sold bar a few bits I'm still using. I have bf clothes and old pjs, which will go when I'm slimmer and not bleeding. I have a drawer of nice clothes from pre-pregnancy that I don't fit. And then anything that does fit and I'm wearing is either in my wardrobe or 2 large drawers. Plus I have 2 small drawers: one of knickers and nursing bras and the other of socks ungratefully rolled up like potatoes. I also have a small drawer of very lovely underwear from pre-children days that I'm not prepared to part with just yet. Then I have clothes in the loft for winter and another bag of summer stuff. Again, these are small and I hope to fit them come summer. If I dont, they'll be shipped out in autumn and the same will apply to my winter stuff. I haven't got enough money to replace a whole wardrobe every season. This system works for me. And we live in a teeny tiny house which we keep relatively neat and clutter free. So, I would say re clothes ignore Kondo on not storing things but just keep out and to hand the things you use everyday and then take stock of things not being used / too tatty and either get rid or store appropriately. Also, DH and I decided some years ago that we would buy less stuff, have a one in one out system and that we would buy better quality over quantity. This has made a huge difference. I also have bags and bags of little girls clothes that I will sort at some point as dd2 grows out of things and then they will be handed down or sold or a few items kept as sentimental items.

I'm sorry to hear about all your stress and I'll health though and I'm sure they'll be a way to get rid of some of your clutter. I just think perhaps the Kondo method isnt for you (or me...) and that perhaps a slightly messy house and a healthy happy family is much more important than showing gratitutude to a handful of lovely posessions.

unholy

how many kids do you have?

thanks for your post.
interestingly I have a always done a few things the same way she suggests, things like
-putting all the clothes in one place before sorting

• folding some of the clothes and storing them "upright"
• tearing out pages I want to keep (went through entire Reader's Digest collection)

and I totally agree that if I know that I'm keeping stuff out of guilt or fear or doubt it's best to get rid. I need to read through again and underline the good bits with red. she has good advice

it's stuff like "hire a bed for a guest" or "don't put things back until sorted" that makes me go wtaf ?!

DH and were talking about the boxes in the loft. he is so tired of dragging them about, he'd be happy just to get rid of the lot (outgrown clothes of 2 youngest & other baby stuff we won't need anymore sit in about 7 or 8 80l boxes for example) - but I'm not ready emotional. it's a PITA.

I have done (am still doing) KonMari and love it even the bonkers stuff. But I have 2 children and the younger one is 2.

My advice to you would be: forget the clothing stuff for now, and GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. It sounds like you have your hands full just now and that's not surprising. The book will still be there in a year or two .

Bunny

what a lovely & wise post as well, thanks.

It's just good to know I'm not the only one feeling that her ideas are seemigly aimed at single or childfree people.
or at least ones without very young kids.

I decided to ignore my clothes. it's too much to tackle right now.

I'm going through the children's instead - sorted all of DD's stuff (bar what's in the laundry) and halfway through BabyZing's things.
I filled up 3 boxes with stuff neither needs anymore and yes it'd be great to chuck it all, but this is not the right time yet.
I'm ok with that.

I'm also almost done with sorting socks for all of us - in fact only DS4's need doing (again plus what's in laundry).

I have all the school uniform already sorted & culled (always have done) - it's time to sort uniforms for summer so that's one of the jobs this week.
Also I need to get all their shoes checked. such fun.

zing I totally understand the clothes thing. I was slightly dreading sorting out my girls things after my last baby arrived and I knew he wouldn't be wearing them Eventually when he was about 3 m I decided on the spur of the moment to tackle it...and the process was quite cathartic.

In the end I kept quite a lot of their stuff, especially dresses, as I thought they might like to keep them for posterity ( my mum kept hardly anything of mine) or possibly I might get the chance to use them for sewing projects when I have the time ( unlikely, but still...)
Like you, I find the letting go of their things quite raw and painful. I feel a bit sad when the baby outgrows another size of babygros, or a favourite outfit passed down from his brothers gets too small. Sometimes I feel a bit of relief when something gets too stained to salvage as the decision is taken from me!
I feel quite preoccupied by the sense of loss about it all. Any tips for reconciling yourself to this baby being the last?!

It's only a book. Take bits you want to, leave bits you don't, whatever works for you. Postponing the clothes sounds very sensible.

We've only done bits and bobs. I know that's against the whole philosophy in a way but if it helps me, that is enough. I did do my clothes but also kitchen drawers, bathroom cabinets, sideboard and everything to do with stuff in it, towels & bedding, utility cupboard. It hasn't changed my world but has definitely simplified things for us. I'm happy with that.

Konmari is not the boss of you. It is frustrating when you can't Get Stuff Done but that is about having small DC (and/or having 7 of them!). Set the bar lower. DC7 is just a baby.

unholy

he is definitely the last one. we are knackered. I can feel that I have just about enough patience for night time teething and splattered babyfood and walls drawn own etc for the 7th time.
I enjoy our baby soooo much and I will miss having a baby, but I'll be happy to move away from baby related chaos.

you said you are happy when clothes pass their best - I know the feeling! it can be a relief to find something beyond repair and just chucking it!

DH and I sorted a lot of stuff in the garage today. He's going to have to make a trip to the dump as we have far too much rubbish now to fit it all in the bin.

I've also sorted many baskets of laundry and got rid of all the CDs cases and put CDs in zip pockets.

Molichite

yes! she's not the boss of me!

I just had to vent.

Its good in a way, zing, that you feel ready to move on. Makes it less sad for you! Sounds like you're making good progress on the kimono front. I'm trying to motivate myself to do the whole putting away of their winter clothes /getting out the summer stuff.
Dreading pulling out all my own summer clothes. I'm also still in maternity jeans!

Totally sympathise

What I would do is adapt it slightly. It will take a special kind of strictness though. I think the reason why she advocates starting a job and finishing it is because most people waste so much time doing the same step (starting) over and over and over again and never really get any further. So for you, I think a solution might be to set aside a tiny amount of time per day, whatever you can actually manage (let's say twenty minutes), and starting AND FINSHING one small job on the clearing-out list. So let's say you were doing clothes, pick up one armful. Be ruthless. Things that need to go need to go today, so NO making a pile for the charity shop, NO storing things here in a pile until you can sort through them again, NO keeping that one in case you can use it for such-and-such someday., NO putting it into a cupboard until you can give it to so-and-so. Straight into the bin!! Don't worry about recycling or gifting or selling. It's got to be sorted today. If you did this for twenty minutes a day you would see quite a lot of progress by the end of the week, and a great deal would be accomplished by the end of the month.

Most importantly, would it be possible to simultaneously tackle things from the other direction - so rather than waiting until your house is in order to make the mental switch away from mindless consumerism and a cluttered existence amongst piles of things that are hardly used, why not make a pact not to buy anything at all unless it's actually needed. It's a long way till christmas so other than birthdays there won't be a need to buy toys for the children just for the sake of it, for example. That way you will never be adding more stuff to your house, and your twenty minutes a day of sifting things out will make double the progress, because you will not be buying things to replace the things you get rid of.

Once clothes and toys and other things are sifted through, you can use your twenty minutes a day to sort one small area of the house. So one cupboard, one drawer, one box, underneath one bed, etc.

Might that work?

(Having read the thread I can see that you are actually getting a lot done. Maybe it was just a rant? I know that never being able to start and finish everything all in one go is my very biggest frustration, and I only have one daughter living at home with me! So I can just imagine how much more frustrating it would be when you have a full and busy home life within which to try to get it all done)

We have so many boxes of stored clothes the sight of them makes me feel exhausted and the thought of them sitting in a friend's loft for at least 6 months makes me feel ill.
we really can't keep shuffling them about.
It's tedious.

I think I'm going to make a "Baby Love" quilt - from each piece of clothing I can't part from I will cut out a heart shape and use as applique motifs. I have just the right fabric to sew the hearts on to, it's off-white with cream coloured hearts, very lovely.
I'll probably use red fleece as backing.
In fact I have a few maternity tops that are close to my heart and couldn't sell or chuck, nor use anymore so I'll them too.

anything too damaged I always cut up for cleaning cloths anyway, things I'm not so bothered about will go to charity shop. all the expensive ones I'll sell later.

that will reduce the boxes as least by half.
I need to sleep on it but I think a quilt like that will be a good compromise and a happy project.

Yes that sounds like a lovely idea.

One box a day? Sentimental pieces have a big chunk of fabric cut out of them and saved in a specific sewing box or other container. Once that's done the rest of the item goes straight into the bin. Charity shop clothes go into a bag and straight into the car boot so that you can drop them off next time you're in town. Clothing to sell goes into one box to be put into the loft. Repeat every day until the pile of boxes is gone. Don't keep too much stuff. Honestly, if you can make the switch then suddenly one day you'll not feel the need to hold on to so much for sentimental reasons. Our memories exist within us and nothing can take them away. Things are nice but they don't hold memories any better than our thoughts do.

Thanks Holger

I'm also thinking if I'm bogged down with too many memories in my head (and some feelings of loss in my heart) how will I have space for new memories?
we truly only live in the present so it's a bit silly of me to worry about what connection to the past I might miss in the future.

this motning we'll be sorting shoes and school uniforms. will see where we progress after

I've taken bits and bobs.

My family isn't as large as yours (I have a 7o and a 2yo with SN), but I am out of the house at work 30 ofdd hours a week, have no family support and DH works very long and unpredictable hours. On my days off work, I have my 2yo to look after.

I have no time. I don't sit down until about 9:00 in the evenings, and that's just keeping on top of cooking, laundry and general housework.

So, what I have done is this:

1. The youngest child's clothes. We aren't having more children, so I have given away what I want to give away. I have kept a pile of very nice clothes (White Company etc) in case I get round to ebaying them.

1. Baby equipment. I have given away what i wanted to give away and wrapped more expensive and sentimental things in clear plastic to prevent damage (moses basket). I will decide when I am less emotional whether I want to ebay them or gift them.

1. My shoes. I now have foot problems and will never fit into my pretty or glamorous shoes.

1. The towels.

1. Bath toys (as we had masses).

1. Maternity and post partum clothes.

1. Four years worth of photos. I put them all into date order, threw away duplicates and out of focus ones and put what was left into albums. I know there was four years' worth as I last did them when DC1 started pre-school. I found that this was when I got most stuff done. And then DC2 came along

1. Toiletries and make up. I have given away loads and am using other things up. For example, I am using a face cream that doesn't suit me on my body. Better to do that than waste it by throwing it in the bin, which would make me feel horribly guilty. The DC are experincing the delights of molton brown bubble bath too.

I have bagged up and labelled DC1's clothes, unform, nightwear etc and put them in the loft as they will definitely be worn by DC2. I have sorted it by season and by age. This has made loads of space.

I am doing it bit by bit. What I have put above has taken me nearly six months though. For me, the clothes have been the easiest. The biggest task will be the books. I am leaving them until last, so that will probably be in about eight years time

I think you're doing well. Hats off to you for even trying given what you've gone through and the size of your family and the demands on you.