Clutter, emotions, and folding our socks - Kondo thread 6. All welcome!

[SteptoeAndDaughter]

The Book: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo, Cathy Hirano

Summary of the process link from mipmop

Article of top tips by Marie Kondo

Thread 5
Thread 4
Thread 3
Thread 2
Thread 1

And BeCool's copy of Coughles list of ORDER from Thread 2 for everyone:

"ORDER TO DECLUTTER/LOCATE THE JOY*

Clothes folding by rummy
Books
Papers
CDs
DVDs
Skincare products
Make-up
Accessories
Valuables (passports, credit cards, etc.)
Electrical equipment and appliances (digital cameras, electric cords, anything that seems vaguely ‘electric’)
Household equipment (stationery and writing materials, sewing kits, etc.)
Household supplies (expendables like medicine, detergents, tissues, etc.)
Kitchen goods/ food supplies
Other (If you have many items related to a particular interest or hobby, such as ski equipment, then treat these as a single subcategory.)

KonMari stresses that sentimental items should be left till the end. So for example, when you are doing papers, don't include photos of your children, love letters, old school reports etc, leave anything with a sentimental connection for later."

*As discussed in previous threads, your order for decluttering and finding the joy/spark/recognizing may be different to recommendations.

Trofast help needed! My toddler's clothes are in Trofast boxes, have just kondoed them (he still has more tops than I do!) and folded them nicely and put back in the boxes. They are taking up just as much room as before, though only coming halfway up the box - I'd need to do a double layer to use the full box. Trying to think what else I can do - roll sausage like and stand on end?

Violetta Should I roll clothes or fold them?

I've found it depends on the clothes iyswim Trousers, polo shirts, t-shirts are folded. Onesies (belonging to ds) are rolled. Socks folded. Tights rolled. Pjs folded. I think it also depends on where you're storing them. I've started by rolling some items and then realised after a few days that that area isn't really working so I've folded the items instead and knew immediately it was better.

I also use different methods to differentiate between items eg odd socks are rolled until they find their match and then they are folded, etc.

Do you have enough room to store the boxes, Iggi? If space isn't an issue, I don't see too much of a problem with having the boxes half-full (although it must be annoying to see space wasted, of course). DS has some quite deep drawers and his clothes only come halfway up them, but I have a much better overview of his clothes now that they're stored vertically. About the only clothes of the DC's that I roll are tights.

misscph I haven't heard of handheld steamers - must look into them. People here aren't at all keen on carpet, either; we're very unusual in that we have carpets upstairs (other than in the bathroom and DS's bedroom) and on the stairs - and the number of times the DC have fallen down the stairs, I'm quite glad we do! We have a hardwood floor in the living room and otherwise tiling downstairs, but I have to admit I do find carpets cosier in the bedrooms, especially in the winter.

anzu That sounds like a good solution. Atm all DS's soft toys are in two boxes, in his bed and all over the floor... but he's promised to go through them later (after he was allowed to buy himself a toy mouse at Ikea ) to see if there are any he feels up to getting rid of (miracles do happen occasionally!).

We went to Ikea this morning, where I somehow managed to resist buying any more storage - as tempted as I was. We did buy a new TV unit, though; I'm looking forward to putting all our DVDs into it (once I've kondoed them) so that they're out of sight rather than having them all on display on shelves.

I've now managed to fit all our house purchase-related paperwork into one lever arch file after getting DH to go through it all - although I did have to go through it again and persuaded him to get rid of a few more things so that it would all fit into the one file. He doesn't see the point of scanning anything, however - either we have to keep the original or we don't need it at all.

Big hello to you all!!

I have been following the threads & bought the book....

The one thing I am really struggling with is getting rid of heaps of personal stuff; stuff my mum has passed onto me......

I have moved recently - thought I had done a massive clear out ..... But I am still bogged down with all of this stuff!

Does it get easier? Am feeling so guilty even chucking out well outgrown kids stuff.... But mostly stuff that has been given by others....

Please give me some encouragement Konmari style!

I am feeling better.... Just a bit emotional if that makes sense.....

Aw, petite, I hear you. I have been racked with guilt over stuff in the past.

A) no requirement to let anything go. Keep it all if you want.

B) What have you done so far? Have you started with easy stuff that is not sentimental or emotionally loaded?

Also, have you actually read the book? Don't worry about it too much until you've actually read the whole thing.

Thanks ItIsntJustAPhase

I have done quite a bit......!

I feel guilty as my Mum has passed a lot of 'family' junk onto me; due to a family bereavement..

I don't want or need it; but the feeling of guilt is dragging me down...

I know I will actually feel a hell of a lot better when I have cleared the stuff out....
The thread & all the posts are keeping me inspired

petitepeach

Some things, from early categories, may have to be left until you get to the sentimental/emotional stuff at the end.

As far as you can, take your time, carefully following MK process.

Many people have remarked, how much easier it gets, to let things go, as we move through the process.

The repeated questioning, helps to give us a clearer idea of the sort of things we truly value.

We also become less and less tolerant of stuff that we no longer want around us. With clearer, more organised areas emerging, clutter is too irritating to be endured.

Thanks Linzer, I do have room but I had hoped to have fewer filled with clothes and more filled with toys - have commandeered some newly-empty drawers in dh's chest of drawers and put them in there for now. Maybe once I've done the other dc's clothes I will see more clearly!

Am currently un kondoing by blowing up balloons.
Ds2's party tomorrow. More presents sigh. Have recommended chocolate to anyone who's asked

Dh doing slightly better in hosp but not seeing him over the weekend is tricky. Totally swamped though.
Parties seem like a good idea at the time...

petitepeach

If some time has elapsed (a few months?) since your Mum passed the 'heirlooms' on to you, can you tell her kindly, that, now you've had time to think about it for a while, you really don't want to keep all/much/any of it.

Ask her what she would like you to do with it.

It struck me the other day, as I considered, yet another good song for my funeral, why bother? I won't be around to see it: funerals are for the living.

People who have died, are not affected by what happens to their stuff now. We don't need to feel guilty about getting rid of any of these things.

Our immortality is the memories that living people hold.

I also really strongly think that if people want things kept, THEY can keep them. You do not have to keep them for your mum's sake. If she wants them, let her have them.

Hello!! I've just ventured on here as my house is in utter chaos. Have read some of the first thread, and articles that have been linked. Haven't bought the book but tried to declitter my drawers earlier; have one bag for charity, one bag for my sil and one bag for the bin. It's a start!

I absolutely can't part with gig tshirts that I will never wear again. Have only just managed to get rid of bras from pre dc that will never fit again! How do you get out of the mindset that one day they'll fit again?!

ItIsntJustAPhase

Well said!

Peach, I've been dealing with stuff left to me by my dead father, so I know what you mean. I think it's a good idea to put it off till last, and sort the easy stuff first. But you can already start talking to your family, preparing them for the idea that you can't provide storage for everything, and giving them plenty of opportunity to claim things that matter to them. You might find they're totally on board, but they hadn't thought of it because they're not reminded of the stuff every day.

For your own sanity, set a deadline and make it known. Anything unclaimed by then can be binned or donated, and there's no reason you should feel guilty about it as it wasn't a priority for anyone else either. You've done everyone a favour by looking after the stuff to give them a bit of space after the bereavement. That doesn't commit you to a lifetime of taking second place in your own home to someone else's belongings.

Sorry if it sounds a bit hard, but I think it's hard on you to find yourself living with all this emotional baggage,

ItIsntJustAPhase someone needs to tell my DM that! We've just had a near stand up fight over a sleeping bag, of all things! (I'm a student and still live with DM and the DBs, but I pay her rent, so my room is mine ). I can't physically sleep in a sleeping bag (I take a duvet camping!) so I decided to get rid, but DM says "oh no, you need to keep that in case DB1 ever wants it". Well then DB1 should keep it! Or DM should keep it! But I don't want it! (So I said "It's my room and I don't want it here" and DM said "It's my house, and I don't want it here" ... so I'll just get rid of it, then, shall I?

Zippidydoodah But if you return to that size again, surely you'll get much more joy out of buying new ones?

Zippidy, could you make your old gig t-shirts into something else? Cushion covers or something, for example.

NotQuiteSoNew - quite right! You stand your ground!

Zippidy - are you approaching this from the right angle. You don't make decisions about what to get rid of. You choose the things you want to keep, and only what brings you joy right now... As you are now. Your gig t-shirts sound like sentimental items, so should be left till last, anyway, but when you get there, you should handle each one, and make a decision on just that... Don't make a decision about the whole collection. The bras should be done with ordinary clothes, but I'm struggling to imagine how I'll-fitting bras could possibly bring you joy.

Lol, thanks hermione!! No, definitely no joy from bras that will never fit again, taunting me from my drawer full of baggy, unsexy nursing bras!

Ok- treat the tshirts as sentimental and do them last. LOVE the cushion cover idea. Thank you!

I think I might have to buy the book! Will go and have another look at my stuff once the dc are finally in bed!

I do think you need to live in the present for this and let go of the tyrant 'just in case'. If you don't need it or want it right now then get rid. You can always buy a new bra.

I read one minimalism book where the guy would turn the hangers round so they were backwards on the rail when he wore an item of clothing. Anything that hadn't been spun round after a month got chucked. Seriously harsh as clear out methods go, but it really made me think about all the stuff I kept by never wore just in case it would fit me again.

With the inherited stuff I now just keep things that mean a lot for personal reasons. I got given loads of random jewellery and bits from my nan but only kept 2 pieces that I always remember her wearing and really loved as a child.

I have just given a jacket of my mum's to a charity shop. She died last week so it might seem callous, but it really wasnt something that made me think of her. I have a painting and a necklace though that I would never, ever part with for anything.

I think you should just keep the things that really make you think of them. Hold each object and keep only the items that make you laugh or cry. Your memory of a person is more then just stuff.

Gosh I am so sorry to hear about your mum, Hear. I agree that sentimental stuff isn't worth keeping if it doesn't mean the world to you. You've only just made that hit home for me, though. Sending you

I loved the idea of the soft toys cuddling up in drawers - will suggest that to DD!

Zippidy - I also think that it is the best idea to keep your gig T-shirts until you sort sentimental items!

I am avoiding books for now as I am going to find it really hard to deal with them. However, I think my attitude towards them is gradually changing eg: I can now believe that those I haven't re-read in the last 30 years are not going to be read again, are they? For now, though, I am skipping on to DVDs and CDs. I have gathered them all into the lounge and will start them after lunch. I will do mine first and will go through the majority with the kids and DH when they get back from snowboarding.

It is really useful to hear everyone's feelings and emotions on going through belongings. I think the MK method will work for us all because we are thinking logically about what we really want to keep.

Hear - sorry for the loss of your mum.

So sorry, HearMyRoar

Thanks everyone. She had been ill a long time so not a surprise. Still hard though. I think I'm at the well documented obsessive cleaning phase of bereavement.

I have been following your thread for a while though and it's nice to have a clear structure and plan. We have leaned towards minimalism for a few years due to living in tiny flats but stuff had been sneaking back in and it needs sorting.

I have a similar problem with books snow. I think all my books count as sentimental items. :)